


Love at Last

by tessalivesandbreathesbooks



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas, Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Romance, F/M, Murder Mystery, Sister-Sister Relationship, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-09-22 04:52:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 46,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9584372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tessalivesandbreathesbooks/pseuds/tessalivesandbreathesbooks
Summary: Love as Last is an AU set in the human world where you're going to find characters from both, ACOTAR and ToG. You'll learn the life and struggles of the characters as the story progresses.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been dreaming about writing a story for a while. I have never been brave enough to show anyone my work before, but I'd like to change that. I hope you all like it as much as I like making it. Thanks for the support :D

##### Feyre's POV

This lesson had to be the most boring one in the history of time. They were learning something about politics, but at this point of the day she couldn't care less. She's been quite distracted lately and it probably had something to do with the hot, blond guy sitting right in front of her.

Tamlin. _Her boyfriend_.

Feyre couldn't believe yet how lucky she was. They have been dating for a month now, ever since that party at his house. The day of the party Elain had helped her dressed and she had looked stunning: she had worn a slinky dark-red dress with plunging neckline and thigh high split that had left little to imagination. Tamlin had been mesmerized all night and when he had finally come to talk to her (he had taken his time, looking at her from afar, making her feel like a precious object of some unreachable realm), they hadn't stopped in all night. They had laughed and talked and laughed some more and when he finally accompanied her to her house, he had kissed her. The kiss had been sweet, but also breath-taking. Just perfect.

Feyre looked at her watch. _1:55 PM. Only five more minutes, only five minutes and we can go_. The teacher was talking about something, but she had long ago disconnected. Today, for lunch, she had agreed to meet Nesta, Elain and Mor in the cafeteria and she knew Nesta was going to be mad if she arrived late. But then, Nesta was always mad for one thing or the other.

She looked up to find Tamlin watching her, with his head turned. She smiled, he smiled back. _I'm so lucky_.

The teacher cleared her throat.

"Ms. Archeron, we all know Mr. Spring is really handsome, but can you please stop ogling him for a minute?" Feyre was about to open her mouth to protest, but the teacher continued. "I have something I'm sure you'll all want to hear, mainly because 45% of your grade depends on it. As you all know, every year, we do a final exam with all the content of the subject. This year, however, I want to try something different. I want you all to work in groups of three and prepare a whole project whose content I'll randomly divide and select for each one of you."

Feyre looked around. Most of the students were already not-so-subtly talking and making plans as to who is going to work with who. She looked up at Tamlin again only to see him looking right back at her with his brow arched. She nodded. Of course they were going to work together. And as a third person they could choose Lucien, perhaps?

"Before you make your plans, know I'm choosing who you're working with too." With that, the bickering stopped. The teacher looked around."In fact, the groups are already done and posted on the wall in front of my office. Please, go check them right after this class to know who you are going to work with. The deadline is May 27th and today is April 20th, so you have more than a month to do it. Please, don't give me rubbish, alright? You know I have low tolerance for stupidity."

The bell rang and the students started to talk to one another again. The teacher said something like "good luck" or "goodbye", but nobody really paid attention anymore. They were all too busy rushing to go see who their next partners were going to be.

Feyre got up slowly, not really caring, because if Tamlin wasn't her partner, she didn't really care who she was working with. Unless she had to work with ... but no, she wouldn't have such bad luck. She shook her head.

"Are you okay?" asked Tamlin, coming to her, planting a little kiss on her cheek.

"Perfect. Let's just go see those papers to get this over with."

He smiled. "Don't be mad, it's not as if being partners means anything."

She glared at him. "I'm not mad. I just don't understand why we can't choose who we're working with. This freaking project represents 45% of our marks, we should be able to decide. It's important." She started to collect her things, putting them back into her bag as neatly as possible. When she was done he took the bag away from her, swinged it over his shoulder and winked.

"Give me that. I'm not letting my girlfriend carry anything, she’s way too pretty for that.  And let's go to see the lucky bastard that gets to work with you."

When he took her bag she practically swooned. He was right, of course. Who cares who they were working with in a stupid project? They were together anyway. No matter what happened, he'd always be hers and she'd always be his.

They were talking and laughing and about to round the corner when suddenly Feyre’s worst nightmare came into view. Tamlin growled next to her.

"Why, isn't it Feyre darling and the most charming tool on Earth?" Rhysand, aka the biggest prick on the planet, looked straight at them and smirked.

"Shut up, Rhysand if you don't want to see your blood spilled on the floor."

"Always threatening, always angry ... don't you ever get bored? I would. But again, you can't compare my mind to yours I'm afraid."

At that, Tamlin jumped and he threw a punch Rhysand easily intercepted. Oh, how much she hated the prick. Tamlin leaned to throw another, but she put herself between them, stopping him.

"Enough!" She looked at Tamlin whose gaze was dark with a promise of pain and then back to Rhysand. "Just go."

Rhysand just looked at her, his violet eyes deep and intense, and shook his head. He sighed and smiled a sad smile. "This is definitely going to be an interesting experience."

Feyre was about to ask him what he meant by that, but Tamlin took hand and started walking, leaving Rhysand staring after them, his brow slightly arched. Tamlin muttered something like "leave the idiot alone" and kept walking and walking until they were out of earshot. Then he turned towards her and said, with a hatred and anger so deep it made my blood run cold, "Feyre, you are not to talk to him, am I clear?"

She blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I said. You. Don't. Talk. To. Him. EVER." He grasped her by the arm. Feyre winced. "Do you understand, Feyre?"

"Tamlin, you are hurting me ... "

"I asked you a question!" He growled. The pressure on her arm increased and she was afraid. There were moments when Tamlin lost control of himself, when he became so angry he looked more like an animal than like a person ... but he had never taken it out on her. He had never treated her like that before ... he had never  look at her like that, with such deep possession. It was ... terrifying.

"I ... I understand. I won't talk to him. Please, let me go."

Tamlin looked at her for a few more minutes and then he nodded, easing the pressure on her arm. Tamlin closed his eyes and breathed in and out, slowly and deeply ... and then he hugged her. She stiffened.

"I'm sorry, I just ... I can't bear anything happening to you. And you know, Rhysand. He's ... unpredictable." And then he kissed her, a passionate kiss full of love and need. " I promise I won't let him hurt you." His hands went to her hair and he held her there while he kissed her again. She moaned and leaned in to deepen the kiss. They kissed and kissed, mouth against mouth, their breaths mingling into each other until they heard someone clearing his throat next to them. Tamlin growled in annoyance and looked up to find Lucien, rather flustered, looking at them.

"Hi, ehhh ... have you seen the papers? With the partners?" Lucien looked worried.

"Not yet Lucien, can't you see we're busy?" Tamlin leaned to kiss her again, shutting Lucien up, but then Lucien said, "I'm her partner."

Tamlin blinked and narrowed his gaze. "Good for you. But why do I care?"

Lucien gulped. "Because her other partner is Rhysand."

And then hell began.


	2. Chapter 2

##### Nesta's POV

Nesta Archeron was a force to be reckoned with, especially when she was mad.

And right now she was definitely _not happy_.

Nesta, with her arms crossed over her chest and a scowl on her face, was waiting with Mor and Elain for Feyre to show up. She was supposed to have arrived 20 minutes ago, but guess what? She hadn't, probably because she was making out with her fabulous boyfriend in some bathroom or against her locker.

Oh, how she loathed that prick. She seriously couldn't understand Feyre's obsession with him. She had hated him the moment he had opened his mouth and he had proven to be an utter jerk, an egocentric prick who thought the world spinned just for him.

She remembered the first time she saw him, walking as if he owned the place, even though he had known absolutely nobody at the time. Tamlin had arrived to their school six months ago from some city of Texas. His father was apparently a rich businessman, which was probably the reason why he acted the way he did and why most of the other pricks at school followed his lead. Feyre had been infatuated with him the moment she had laid her eyes on him and after five months of flirting and batting her lashes at him, she got what she wanted at that famous party at his house where he had spent at least three hours just standing there, looking at her, doing absolutely nothing. Feyre had had to stand there in those monstrous high-heels of hers _for three hours_ , until he finally deigned to talk to her. What a jerk.

However, if it had been only that, she might have been okay with it. There were egocentrics and jerks  everywhere and if she had had the bad luck of having one dating her sister, she'd have had to roll with it, but there was this thing ... Tamlin was dangerous, a force of nature that couldn't be control, utterly unpredictable with his actions and emotions, especially when he was angry. And that scared her, especially now that he was dating Feyre because if he ever touched her in any inappropriate way ... he'd regret it. She's make him regret it, even if it was the last thing she did.

Nesta sighed and stretched her neck, trying to see among to sea of students scrunching down the hall, but to no avail. Feyre was still nowhere to be seen.

"Maybe we should go find her," Mor said, stretching her ams.

"I don't think she would appreciate that," Elain said, creasing her brows.

"So what, are we supposed to wait for her forever?" Nesta said through gritted teeth, "it's been already 20 minutes."

"Let's wait five more minutes and then we'll go find her."

"Elain, that's what you said _5 minutes ago_." Nesta shook her head. "Seriously, if she doesn't show up soon I'm going to ... "

"Oh there she is!" Mor exclaimed.

Nesta turned her head to find Feyre running towards them down the hall. She looked like a mess, with her hair disheveled, her cheeks a bright shade of red, utterly out of breath.

"I'm so sorry, girls," she managed to get out between breaths. Her voice sounded tired, tinted with sadness. "I intended to come here right after class, but - a lot happened."

"Is everything okay?" Mor asked, looking right at her. Feyre shook her head and attempted to smile.

"It's ... it's nothing. It's just ... Tamlin, he ... "

 _Of course, it had to be him._ Nesta growled, a deep enraged sound. She asked, with the blithering calm that preceded the storm, "Tamlin what Feyre? What has he done?"

Feyre looked straight at Nesta and shivered. "He ... I got paired up with Rhysand for a final project and he ... well, he was really mad."

"You haven't answered the question."

"He hasn't done anything, not really, it's just ... " Feyre shook her head. "You know how he gets sometimes."

"Oh, Feyre," Elain said, clearly worried, "what happened?"

Feyre sighed and proceeded to explain everything that had happened: how Tamlin had reacted to Rhysand's appearance and how, when he had discovered she had been paired up with him, he had lost it. He hadn't harmed her or anything, but from the way she said it, it had been close. In his enraged state, Tamlin had started kicking lockers and trashcans and when he was done, he had chased down the teacher to demand a change of partner for Feyre, which had obviously been denied and had been given along with detention. Lucien, in the end, had asked her to go away to let Tamlin calm down before talking to him because he knew how he could get and the risk he became when he was like that.

"I can't believe this." Nesta said, trying to keep her breathing even.

"Nesta ... "

"No, Feyre, I'm serious. What he's done ... this is not some petty thing, he could have hurt you. He's crazy, Feyre." Nesta's nostrils flared and she hissed, "can't you see it? Are you really that blind?"

Feyre scowled at her. "It was a one-time thing. It won't happen again. It was only because he hates Rhysand and he's scared he might hurt me."

Mor rolled her eyes. She was about to say something, probably to defend her cousin, but Nesta kept going.

"Oh? Now that's a funny joke because despite all I've heard of Rhysand I've never seen him lay a finger on anyone, which considering the actual situation is more than I can say of your dear Tamlin."

"Are you serious? How can you compare Tamlin and Rhysand?" Feyre's face had taken a dark hint. "Tamlin is sweet and caring and understanding and in spite of everything that's happened I know he loves me and that the only reason he's doing this is because he cares for me. Because he's scared something might happen to me. That's all."

Nesta looked straight at Feyre, anger radiating through every one of her pores, and shook her head, "okay, that's great, Feyre. Just do nothing. But if you think that forgetting about the problem is going to make it go away, you're wrong. You need to do something about this."

Feyre pinched her nose and shook her head in a tired gesture. "This is my problem, not yours, Nesta."

"Yes, Feyre, but you are my sister and ... "

"Look just leave it to me, I'll handle it." Nesta tried to speak again, but a look from Feyre's face stopped her. _The conversation is over_ , it seemed to say. "Can we go have lunch now? Or are we to say here forever?"

Mor and Elain looked at each other, probably trying to come up with something to say, but Nesta couldn't put up with it anymore. She was truly fed up with Tamlin, Feyre and all this drama. She turned around to leave, "I'm not hungry anymore, I think I'm going to go the library to study or something."

"Nesta, wait." Elain tried to grab her, but Nesta just brushed her off and kept walking.

Nesta Archeron kept walking and walking, trying to find a place where she could be alone and think, where she could let her frustrations out. She needed fresh air and peace and quiet. Before she knew what she was doing, she had arrived to the parking lot. Closing her eyes, she leaned against a car and sat down.

She hated that her sister didn't understand. She hated that she was dating Tamlin and that she was letting him do all those things to her. She hated her for being so blind and so stupid. She just hated an awful lot of things lately.

She was so engrossed in her own thoughts that she didn't hear anyone approached her, not until he was a foot away from her. Rhysand appeared before her.

"Fancy seeing you here. I hadn't considered you a ditcher."

Nesta sighed and turned around to face Rhysand. It didn't matter what others said about him, Rhysand was ... handsome. Annoyingly handsome. His dark hair and violet eyes made a stunning combination and his tattoos helped to create a dangerous aura around him. The whole area seemed to vibrate with power when he was near, a power that was both scary and intriguing. She looked nothing like Mor. His cousin was his utter opposite: while she look like a fiery angel, he looked exactly the way an angel would look if he fell from Heaven.

"If you are here for small-talk, I'm not up for it Rhysand."

He chuckled. "If I wanted small-talk, I'd not go to you, Archeron."

Nesta looked up at him and arched an eyebrow. "Then just ask whatever you need to ask or go to hell Rhysand. I'm not up for any of your crap, especially not today."

Rhysand looked at her and nodded slowly. Then he looked away and asked, his voice rough, "I just wanted to know how is your sister."

Now that was definitely a surprise. He must have seen the surprise registered on her face because he blushed and looked away. Now that _was_ an interesting sight.

"I saw Tamlin drawing her away and it looked pretty bad. Has he ... " he gulped. "Has he hurt her? Is she okay?"

Nesta just stared at him, long and hard. "Why do you care, Rhysand?"

"Just tell me."

"Answer the question."

Rhysand looked at her then again, his eyes pleading. "Just ... please, Nesta. Please tell me. I need to know."

Nesta closed her eyes and shook her head. She didn't know what drove her ... if it were his eyes, bright with worry or his face which showed a vulnerability she'd never seen before. She didn't know if it were his tone, etched with pain and a sadness so deep she couldn't quite grasp, but she whispered, "he hasn't. She's okay, but Tamlin scared her today I think and if I'm honest, I'm scared too. Tamlin's a dangerous and impulsive prick and Rhysand? I don't want to wake up one day to see my sister covered in bruises or worse, dead, just because Tamlin had a bad day."

At that, Rhysand went silent. Nesta started to get up, brushing the dirt of her clothes, finishing their conversation when Rhysand said, "you won't."

Nesta blinked, "excuse me?"

Rhysand looked straight at her, "you won't see her covered in bruises or dead because of Tamlin."

"You can't control it, Rhysand."

Rhysand started to walk back to the school, but not before whispering, "I'd sooner kill Tamlin than see her hurt."

And with that, Rhysand made his way back to the school.


	3. Chapter 3

##### Aelin's POV

Aelin Ashryver Galathynius paced back and forth in the living room of her apartment, anger streaming out of her like liquid fire.

She couldn't believe Chaol had done it again. She couldn't believe Chaol had stood her up again.

_She couldn't believe he had forgotten their special day._

She knew he had a lot of work to do. He was the captain of the Chicago Police Department after all, but still. She was _his girlfriend_ , she had been his girlfriend _for almost a year_.

That was what they were celebrating today, that she had put up with his shit for almost _a year_. A whole year in which she hadn't been able to see him because he had been working all the time. A whole year in which she had been alone, utterly alone, left to deal with her darkness.

And she couldn't put up with it  anymore. She couldn't keep going on like this or it would break her apart. She had to end it, here and now.

 _That_ was she was going to tell him once he came back home.

Aelin breathed in and out, trying to calm herself. She had been dealing with a lot of stress lately. Her mind had been a wild, broken thing ever since her sister Nehemia committed suicide two months ago.

Aelin still woke up in the middle of the night hearing her voice, her laughter. She could still see her smile and brilliant eyes, full of love and passion. Death seemed to haunt her, a curse that destroyed everything she loved, everything she cared about, and turned it into dust.

Nehemia hadn't been the first and she probably wouldn't be the last. First, it had been her parents, found dead inexplicably in some alley. She had never been able to figure out what had happened to them, even though she had tried. She had tried and tried until there had been nothing to try anymore. But they were _dead_ and she had needed to let them go or else she would have broken apart. She had been alone in her grief, left in pieces ... until she had found Sam.

Oh, Sam.

Sam had been the private detective she had hired back then to help her find more evidence of her parents' murder. Sam had been exactly what she had needed, even if she hadn't noticed at first. In fact, she had hated him, a revulsion so deep and endless she was still surprised it had transformed into love. But ... but somehow it had. Somehow he had managed to break her barriers, to break into her very core ... and change the isolation, despair and pain she had felt for happiness, understanding and love. Until ... until he had died, again, without any explanation.

And now, Nehemia, found dead hanging from a tree.

Tears of anger and pain started to gather at the back of her eyes, but she pushed them back. She was tired of crying. Tired of being helpless and broken. Tired of being hurt time after time. Tired of being alone. Tired of death. And tired of Chaol, the man that was supposed to be with her, the man that was supposed to help her, to love her and who has done nothing. He had just left her alone to deal with the pain.

Maybe some needed that ... time. Time to heal and move on, but not her. She needed someone strong who would look at her and tell her everything was going to be alright, she needed a shoulder to cry on, she needed someone who _talked_ to her, who was there, someone who would fight for her. And that someone was not Chaol Westfall.

As if reading her thoughts suddenly the front door opened and Fleetfoot started barking in the entrance. Aelin inhaled deeply, readying herself and walked towards the door to find Chaol petting Fleetfoot. At the sound of her steps, Chaol looked up and then closed his eyes.

"Aelin ..."

"Do you know what time is it, Chaol?"

"I ... I lost track of time. I'm sorry." He finished petting Fleetfoot, who was still at his feet, begging for attention. He sidestepped him and went straight for her. "Aelin, look I -"

"Do you even know what day is today? Do you even care?"

Chaol seemed lost for a second, confirming her worst suspicions. Then light dawned on him and he cringed. "Gosh, no. I had utterly forgotten ... I'm so sorry, Aelin. These days have been utter hell, please understand that I -"

"I'm tired of trying to understand you, Chaol. Did you hear? I'm _freaking tired_ of understanding." Aelin closed her eyes. She didn't want to fight, she just wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. It was the right thing ... for both of them. She cleared her throat and said, without preambles, "Chaol, we need to talk."

Chaol looked at her then, his eyes terrified. I guess when someone told you the famous _we need to talk_ sentence you already knew what was coming. He ran his hands through his hair and swallowed hard.

"Aelin, please no. I know I haven't been paying much attention to you lately, but -"

"Lately? _Lately_ , Chaol? You've been gone _for months_. And you know what? I'm tired of this. Of waiting for you to come home. Of waiting for you to ... I don't know, be the man I want. The man I need right now. I'm so tired of waiting, Chaol." Aelin started to pace back and forth, shaking her head. "I've been breaking apart and you ... _you haven't even noticed_."

Chaol grabbed her by the arm, stopping her. He looked at her right in the eye before saying, "look, I'm ... I'm sorry." His eyes looked so tired and so ... sad. She gulped. "I know I haven't been the best boyfriend these past ... weeks, but I can change. Just -"

"No, Chaol." Aelin closed her eyes, fighting back the tears. "You deserve someone who accepts you the way you are. Who loves you and cherishes you for who you are ... you shouldn't have to change for the person you love. The person you love should bring out your greatest qualities ... and I'm not that person." A tear slip out of her eye, but her gaze when she looked at him was fierce, determined. "This is over, Chaol. We ... we should break up."

Chaol's face went white as a sheet. He started to shake his head as if he couldn't quite believe what she was saying. He dropped her arm, still in shock and went straight to the kitchen, where he sat down, holding his head in his hands. Aelin followed him.

"Chaol -"

"No, Aelin. Shut up. Just ... _shut up_." He looked at her then. His eyes were full of tears, but bright with a rage that made her stop right in her tracks. He kept going, "I can't believe you're doing this. I can't believe you're doing this to _me_! You are not the only one with problems, Aelin, have you ever thought of that? _You are not the only one with problems_."

Aelin's face drained of color. She gulped. "Chaol, look. This is not just for me ... it's also for you. Don't you see it? I'm not the one for you. You deserve someone else, someone who -"

"Just stop, Aelin. I don't want to listen to your lame excuses."

"I don't want us to end up like this. I still want to be your friend." Aelin braced herself and kept on, "Chaol, please -"

"Stop it, Aelin. This ... " He shook his head and laughed, without a hint of humor. "Look, you know something? You are not the only one who's sick to the back teeth. I'm fed up with you too, Aelin and with all the shit you carry. Haven't you ever thought that? Have you ever thought that the only reason I always arrive so late at night is because _I'm sick of you and your problems_?"

Aelin's mind went blank. For a moment there was only the sound of their encompassed breathing in the room. Utter silence ... and despair. And then, a voice who lacked of emotion, of feeling said, "get out."

"Go to hell, Aelin."

"Get. The. Hell. OUT!" Rage. She felt so much rage, endless and raw, " _if you are not out of here in the next five seconds, I'll rip you apart, Chaol Westfall!_ "

Chaol looked up at her, about to say something, but whatever he saw in her face made him shut his mouth. He got up, slowly and went to their room where he gathered his things as fast as he could before getting out of the house, slamming the door, hard.

Aelin didn't go after him, she just stood there, without feeling anything, letting time pass, trying to find a way to cope with another trauma without breaking apart.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Minutes passed and then hours and then days, but somehow the pain didn't fade. It lingered, leaving her drained and dizzy.

She stopped going to college. She didn't have the energy to.

She hadn't seen Chaol again. Nor had she talked to him.

She didn't know what was of him.

It's been five days since they last talked or rather, fought. He hadn't called her and nor had she.

Dorian had tried to call her a few times now. He probably wanted to help her or his friend, who was now without any doubt staying at his house, but she didn't pick it up. She didn't have the strength. She didn't care.

She picked another glass of vodka and drained it, enjoying the roughness of it. The way it seemed to make her forget everything. She cherished those moments of peace, of feeling nothing.

Then someone knocked suddenly on her door. Fleetfoot started barking, making her head throb. At first she didn't go open it, but whoever it was didn't stop. He knocked again and again and again. And Fleetfoot kept on barking and barking.

" _Just stop! I'm not going to open, dammit!_ " There was a moment of silence before the knocking became even stronger.

She got up and practically raced to the door. Whoever was before the door didn't know what they have awoken, what kind of beast they were bothering right now. She pushed Fleetfoot away and opened the door, her face bright with anger, " _what on earth do you want?_ "

Aelin blinked.

She had expected a lot of things. What she had not expected was a 25-year-old, big, muscled man with white hair and deep green eyes to stand before her, all dressed in black.

Her mouth went dry.

They stared at each other, his gaze so intense it made her knees buckle. When she spoke, however, her voice sounded intense, almost fierce. She wasn't going to let him intimidate her. "Is there anything you need? Or are we going to stand here all day?"

The stranger was silent for a few more moments, inspecting her. She would have felt embarrassed for her appearance if she had cared enough: she was wearing a white T-shirt full of stains and likely smelly, along with some broken jeans and time-worn slippers. And she was sure the smell of cheap alcohol surrounded her.

He kept staring. She hissed. "Just spit it out or leave me the hell alone."

He looked right at her then, his eyes now gleaming with irritation _._ She was about to close the door right in his face, to let him see how much she cared, when he said, "you really want to hear what I have to say."

Aelin narrowed her gaze, "and why, exactly, would I?"

"Because it's about the assassination of your parents, your ex-fiancé and your sister."


	4. Chapter 4

##### Feyre's POV

Feyre closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the sun, the freshness the midday breeze brought her as she walked back home. As a rule, Tamlin would have driven her in his incredibly expensive car, but he had an appointment with the doctor right at that moment. Some weeks ago she would have been furious at being left alone without previous warning, but lately ... she hated to admit it and she would deny it fiercely if anyone asked, but she was grateful for it.

It'd been five days since that little incident with Tamlin and even though he had apologized, even though he'd been trying to make it up to her for these past days, she couldn't help but feel a little bit ... alarmed.

Especially with the way things were now.

Tamlin had been behaving like some guard dog ever since the pairings for the project came up. He followed her everywhere, making sure she got into no trouble and no threats ever crossed her path, scowling at everyone and everything that dared talk to her. She had tried to confront him about it once or twice, but he wouldn't listen. He was worried about her and he wanted to protect her, he said. But against what? She wasn't sure. However, she knew things couldn't keep going on like this. His measures were way too strict and suffocating. She couldn't live like _this_ , like some caged animal. But she knew ... she knew that left very little options. She could either push him about it or let it go. And if she let it go ...

Feyre shivered.

She had tried to forget Nesta's words these past few days. She'd tried to ignore that little voice inside her head that said her sister might have been ... right. About everything. Because what Tamlin what done ... and what he was doing ...

_Just do nothing. But if you think that forgetting about the problem is going to make it go away, you're wrong._

_Now that's a funny joke because despite all I've heard of Rhysand I've never seen him lay a finger on anyone, which considering the actual situation is more than I can say of your dear Tamlin._

_He could have hurt you. He's crazy, Feyre._

_Are you really that blind?_

Feyre hugged herself. Despite what her sister might believe Feyre wasn't blind. She knew what had happened a few days ago wasn't okay, not even close and she wasn't stupid enough to believe Tamlin was going to stop his behaviour any time soon, but ... she couldn't bring herself to do anything. She loved him. She loved him more than she had never loved anyone before and she didn't want to let him go. And if she said something ... she risked losing him forever.

However, she just couldn't forget it, her sister was right about that. Tamlin wasn't going to change, she knew that and knowing that ... she had to face the real question: would she be able to accept his current behaviour? And ... would she be able to love him despite of it?

She had thought of love like a glorious state, something that was supposed to fill your chest with light, your mind with peace, your heart with passion. Something that was supposed to make you stronger, fearless, unstoppable because you were never truly alone and no matter what happened, you'd always have a shoulder to cry on. Love ... it was not something that left you as weak and as drained as she had felt lately. It wasn't supposed to make you cry. It wasn't supposed to keep you awake at night, utterly heartbroken and powerless ... right?

Feyre pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. She didn't know what to do. Her heart and mind were in shreds and her feelings were an utter mess. And she knew she couldn't keep going like this ... maybe she could try talking to him, let him know how she felt. She was sure Tamlin loved her and he would care for her well-being and if he knew how she was feeling, he'd stop. She needed to believe that because otherwise ...

"Hello Feyre darling."

Feyre came to an abrupt halt at the sound of Rhysand's voice, completely taken aback.  She hadn't heard him approaching, as immersed in her thoughts as she had been. She inhaled, trying to calm her racing heart. She mastered herself, making sure her facial expressions didn't betray her before turning around to find Rhysand standing there, a few feet behind her.

Rhysand looked stunning. His black hair seemed to catch the light around them and his vivid violet eyes were sparkling, bright with life. She crossed her arms over her chest and lifted her chin, acting braver than she felt.

"What do you want Rhysand?"

Rhysand smirked, that insufferable smirk of his and said, "it's always amazing to see you too, Feyre. I see you are in a good mood today."

She looked daggers at him.

He chuckled, a deep masculine sound. Rhysand looked over his shoulder, then at both his sides before saying, "and where's is Tamlin? Don't tell me he's not walking you home today, with all the dangers that might be lurking around. How ... _unchivalrous_ of him."

Feyre grimaced at his words. So he had noticed.

"He's been acting rather frantic lately, hasn't he?" He looked at her and she could have sworn that, although there was a smirk on his face, his eyes showed actual worry. She looked away. "Maybe you should -"

"I don't want to talk about this, especially not with _you_." She rubbed her temples, a weary expression on her face. "Tell me what you want and go away."

Rhysand looked at her for a few seconds, his expression unreadable before saying. "Okay, well, I'm going to go straight to the point then: I'm here because we need to talk about a certain project without your boyfriend sulking around."

Feyre shook her head. "I thought you had already talked to Lucien about this."

"I have and I'm actually really curious to know if you're okay with what he told me."

His gaze pierced through her like a blade and she was forced to look away due to the intensity of it. "I ... I am."

Rhysand arched his brow. "Oh? So from now on, whenever I need to do something in this project and I need your opinion I'll be forced to talk to Lucien instead only because your boyfriend is having a tantrum? As charming as Lucien might be, I find this a rather annoying measure, as well as stupid. How old are we? Five? Six?"

"Rhysand, just -"  

 "Just _what_?" Rhysand's hands tightened into fists and he looked at me with a furious gleam in his eyes. "How long are you going to let him control you, Feyre? How long until you break? Or do you truly think you can go on like this forever?"

"Don't go there, Rhysand." Anger started to blossom in her chest, replacing the pain and sorrow that has found its way to her heart these past days. Feyre snarled.

"Why? Does the truth bother do?" Rhysand leaned forward. His words were nothing more than whispers in the wind. "It's about time you heard it from someone and I'm more than glad to do the honours: your dear boyfriend is an abusive bastard, an overprotective jerk who's going to leash you and lock you up in his golden cage just to keep you all for himself. If you thought what he's been doing was the worst he could do, you're wrong, Feyre. He will forbid you from talking to anyone, from doing anything you might want and he'll destroy you in the process. Now I have to know: is it worth it? Is this what you truly want?"

" _Rhysand, stop it_."

"No, Feyre. It's about time you heard this. You need to stop this. _Fight it, Feyre_." Rhysand's face was inches apart from Feyre's. His breath was hot on her face. " I never thought you were a _coward_."

" _RHYSAND, ENOUGH!_ " Feyre whirled around and clenched her fists. Her voice was anguished and fierce when she said, "okay, fine. I am trapped, my boyfriend is a monster and I am a coward for not saying anything. Are you happy now, Rhysand? Do you feel better now?" Feyre's eyes were hollow and haunted, but a fiery determination glinted in them when she looked at him. "I know what's happening, I'm not blind, Rhysand. _I know_. But I can't bear doing anything and you know why? Because I love him. I love him so much my heart hurts in my chest whenever I'm not with him. I love him enough to keep trying. I love him, more than anything and I'm not giving up on him. _On us_. I don't know how I'm going to do it or how we're going to get through this, but we will. We will find a way. And when that day comes I'm going find you and I'm going to make you eat your words, worthless _prick_."

She looked at Rhysand, but his was expression unreadable, as always. Feyre shook her head and proceeded to walk away from him. She was done with him, with his taunts, with his words. Tamlin and her would make it. She would find a way. She would fight and fight, for as long as she could, for them. Because she loved him and she didn't mind dooming herself for him.

She walked a few steps before Rhysand went for her. He grabbed her by the wrist and said, "you're right. I'm sorry."

"Just let me go, Rhysand." She tried to get away from him, but his grip was firm.

"Feyre, wait ... I just ... " He took a deep breath. "I want you to realise it. To _see_ it."

"See what, Rhysand?"

"That you deserve the world, Feyre, and seeing you this sad, this heartbroken because of ... _him_ is killing me. You deserve more, Feyre." His voice sounded urgent, anguish. Feyre looked up and their gazes collided. His eyes were intense and of a color so deep it startled her, burning with raw emotion. He took a sharp intake of breath and said, "you are beautiful, the most beautiful and stunning woman I've ever had the chance to meet. You burn with life, you are a living fire that lightens the darkness, a star in all its beauty. And deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, someone who makes you look forward to tomorrow, someone who loves every bit of you, someone who's seen your worst and is still by your side. You deserve someone that makes you feel like you're not an option, but a priority, someone who loves you no matter what, someone who makes you feel like you truly matter. Not ... not someone who complicates your life, someone who hurts you. You deserve the best, Feyre. And I need you to see that. I _want_ you to see that."

Silence stretched between them. Rhysand's chest rose and fell with rapid breaths, his eyes gleaming with an intensity that sent shivers down her spine. They were inches apart from each other, Rhysand's hand still in her wrist.

Feyre's voice was hardly more than a whisper when she asked, "and who deserves me then?"

Rhysand gulped and looked away. They stood in silence for a few more seconds, both bathing in the midday sun streaming through the trees. Birds were chirping around them, oblivious to the tension.

Rhysand finally let her go and said, his voice barely a whisper, "let me be your friend."

That took her by surprise. Feyre looked at his face to see any sign of mockery, but there was none. She simply asked, "why?"

"Why does there have to be a reason?"

"You always seem to have a reason." Then a new idea came to her mind and Feyre hissed. "If you what you want is to make Tamlin mad, let me tell you -"

"That's not my intention _at all_ and it's actually offensive that you always think so little of me."

"I haven't known you for being a charmer, Rhysand."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "It's just -" He stopped and bit his lip. He looked more frustrated than she's ever seen him. "Look, I'm just tired of fighting with you and I ... I think we could get on well, if you ever allow it. Let me prove it to you, Feyre. Give me a chance."

His eyes were serious and gentle when he looked at her. He looked vulnerable, an emotion she's never seen on him before. She pried her eyes away from his, trying to clear her mind of the emotions that were unravelling inside of her.

Becoming Rhysand's friend. It sounded more absurd than anything. She might have considered it once upon a time, but he had always behaved like an insidious prick with her, ever since they were children. But maybe that could change, if she dared. Although Tamlin would be mad. No, no mad wouldn't cover what he would do if he knew.

She gulped. "It would make things easier with the project, that's for sure. But ... but what about Tamlin?"

He knew what she was talking about. He sighed. "I'm not opposed of him knowing, but if you prefer to keep it secret that's fine with me too."

She looked at him and arched her brow. "What do you mean _keep it secret_? Are you suggesting I lie to him?"

"No, not like that." He shook his head and exhaled. "But we both know he won't be happy. Maybe we could keep it secret for a while, let Tamlin think I'm okay with what Lucien said and then we can meet in secret, to share some of our views about the project, obviously." He said when she narrowed her eyes at him. "Just a harmless thing. Unless ... "

"Unless what?"

"Unless you're afraid of what might happen if you let me into your world." This time Rhysand smirked and Feyre guffawed. He laughed.

"I'm definitely not afraid."

"So?" He arched his brow, a smile still on his face.

This wasn't a good idea. She was completely sure it wasn't a good idea. Becoming her friend, against Tamlin's knowing ... but it was alluring. And reckless. And she _needed_ it. She needed something that made her feel as if she still had some freedom. Something that made her feel alive. As much as she hated to admit it, she needed Rhysand.

The smile that spread on her face wasn't fake when she answered. "I'm in."


	5. Chapter 5

##### Aelin's POV

Aelin turned on the faucet, bent over the basin and splashed some cold water over her face.  Her head sank slowly forward until her forehead rested against the mirror.

She couldn't believe what had just happened a few hours ago. She couldn't exactly describe the feelings that were unravelling inside of her, because she had no words for them. It was difficult to explain how you can feel miserable and grief-stricken, but also feel hopeful and serene for the future. It was as if her world had just stopped spinning for a moment, only to start over again, making it somehow righter than it had been before.

She had never felt such despair ... such ache in her heart as she had only a matter of hours ago. She had felt as if she were drowning, each breath agonizing, heartbreaking. The pain had been overwhelming, leaving her hollow and empty inside. However, right now, despite the remainders of the pain, she also felt more confident, more hopeful than she had felt in a very long time.

She drew in a long breath and shrank back to look at her reflection in the mirror. There were bags under her eyes and her features sharper, more angular than she remembered, probably due to the lack of appetite of these past days. Her eyes were ablaze though, burning with an intensity she had never thought she would see ever again. Ever since her sister died, her life had lost all sense of direction. Her parents' death had broken her apart, leaving her in pieces and Sam's death had nearly killed her, but it was her sister's death the one that had finished her, the one that had destroyed something important within her. She had lost herself and that fire that used to burn so bright within her ... but no more.

She would never be lost again.

She wasn't going to stop fighting. She wasn't going to give up, ever again.

She would find the man who had killed her family, even in she ended up shattering the entire world in the process.

Because she was Aelin Ashryver Galathynius and she would _not_ be afraid. Not anymore.

And she would leave the world trembling in her wake.

It was incredible how much one's world could change in only a matter of hours, how a conversation had at the right time could change the course of one's life. She went over the conversation with the stranger again, still shocking her the impact it had had on her.

The stranger had stepped into her house with a stillness that had sent chills down her bones, his eyes wandering all over her place, inspecting for any potential threats. His forest green eyes had been predatory and had sparked with a fire that promised swift death if anyone dared walk into his path. He had looked so menacing that even Fleetfloot, after taking a long look at him, had decided to go hiding somewhere. He had sauntered into her living room, where he had sat down on her sofa with feline grace. Aelin had followed him, out of words after his previous declaration.

_I've come to talk about the assassination of your parents, your ex-fiancé and your sister._

Rowan had looked at her up and down before saying, his voice rough and gruff. "My name is Rowan, Rowan Whitethorn and I'm a CIA agent." Her shock must have had been written across her face because he had snarled. "I haven't come here to entertain you so I'm just going to go straight to the point. There was nothing accidental about your parents' deaths. Whoever did it knew what he was doing and knew everything about your parents as well. He knew they were going to be out that night, as well as where and when they were going to go. It only took him one gunshot to get your father and another one to get your mother, swift and clean. No evidence to be found, no witnesses. A perfect murder, apparently. There was nothing to be done about it and the case was closed as you well know. However, a couple of months later Samuel Cortland, your ex-fiancé, decided to investigate it further. And three weeks later, Samuel as well as the rest of his crew were found dead." He eyes had glinted with icy rage. "Someone among my agency managed to link both crimes and that's when my ... participation in this case began. But I wasn't able to find anything." He had shaken his head. "No evidence, no witnesses, nothing to work with. Another dead end and the case was filed."

Aelin had just looked at him. "If the case was ... filed, what are you doing here, talking to me?"

Rowan had said, "I never ... stopped looking." Something like sadness had appeared on his face before he had schooled his features back to neutrality. "That's one of the reasons I'm not _practising_ at the moment."

She had narrowed his eyes. "Excuse me?"

He had huffed. "I'm supposed to be on ... _vacation_."

Aelin had smirked. " _Of course_."

Rowan had snarled, "we aren't here to talk about me though, but about _your_ family." He had gone on, "some months ago your sister was found dead too. This time the murder scene was different and it looked like suicide but from the look of it, I think it was ..."

Aelin had clenched her fists, fury blossoming in her chest at the mention of her sister. "My sister didn't know _anything_. Don't you dare drag her into this."

Rowan had just looked at her, as if to say _and_ _what do you think happened?_

Aelin had taken a deep breath before saying, "she committed suicide. She was found hanged in a tree next to the university campus she was living in."

Rowan's face had hardened. "And that's it? Only because you find her hanged you assume it's suicide?"

Aelin had gone red with anger. "And what did you expect me to believe, smartass?"

"If someone I knew was found hanged, I would at least ask questions." Rowan had stared at her, "she was _your_ _sister_. Did she ever looked depressed? Did she suffered from any illnesses that might have made you suspect suicide was the key to solve them?"

Aelin had gulped, cold all of a sudden.

"Your sister's name was Nehemia Ashryver Galathynius, wasn't it?"

Aelin had nodded.

Rowan's icy stare had burned through her.  "I've seen her body." Aelin's body had tensed, but he had kept on, "at first sight it may have looked like suicide, but the multiple bruises and scratches around her neck made you think otherwise. It is what we call ligature strangulation. Your sister fought until her last breath trying to get rid of that rope around her neck."

Aelin's mouth had dried and her head had gone blank. She had felt the stare of the stranger piercing through her. Silence had stretched between them. Some minutes had passed before she had been able to find her voice to ask, "if you knew that ... how comes the case wasn't re-opened? Why didn't anyone try to find her killer?"

It had been Rowan's turn to gulp. "There wasn't enough evidence."

"So you might be wrong?"

Rowan had growled, his eyes hard and cold on her. "I'm _not_ wrong."

"How can you know?" Aelin's face had been hard, her eyes unforgiving. "How can you -"

"It's easier to pretend she just committed suicide, isn't it?" Rowan's features had tensed and he had clenched his fists. "She's dead anyway so who cares why, right?"

 " _I just need to be sure_ -"

"No, Aelin. You just want me to be wrong because you can't bear the thought of another inexplicable death in your family." Aelin had shivered and Rowan had taken that as confirmation before going on, "you can't keep running like a coward, Aelin."

Aelin had been fighting back tears. Her voice had been hoarse when she had said, "I'm _not_ a coward."

"Then why do you keep running? Why are you still in denial? This is not a game, Aelin. Lives have been lost and yours might in the future, unless you do something."

"And what do you want me to do?" Tears had started to fall down her cheeks at that point. " _What do you want me to do?_ "

"Keep fighting ... and help me find whoever did this to you, to your family."

Aelin had shaken her head. "I can't -"

"Only because you're afraid." Rowan had looked at her. His eyes ... they had been cold and hard, but something like empathy had burned in them. She had looked away.

Rowan hadn't said anything for a while, he had just looked at her. Despair and sadness had spread through her chest as silent tears made her way down her face. She had thought she couldn't do it. She had thought she was done with everything.

"I can't. I'm sorry."

She hadn't looked up to see his face, to see the eyes that were surely piercing through her then. However, he had just got up and walked towards the door. He had stopped at the entrance of the living room and had said, quietly, "you should have died instead of your sister. She would have fought for you, at least. She wouldn't have just given up, not in the way you are with her now."

Something had cracked within her with the sentence. It hadn't been her, but someone else, someone hateful and broken with grief the one who had whispered with a coldness that would have risen the dead, "stop talking as if you knew anything about me. Stop talking as if you cared for me. Why do _you_ care so much about my family, about my partner anyway? _Why?_ " She had looked at him them. His eyes had been stone-cold and his lips had become a hard line. That's when she had known. She had hissed, "it's because someone you cared about was murdered too, isn't it? _Because despite everything you are accusing me for, you weren't able to protect that person either_."

Rowan's face had gone rigid with contained anger. His next words had been like daggers that had cut through her skin. "At least, I'm trying to find out what happened, to avenge her death, unlike you. What have you done so far? You stopped caring about your parents. Sam died because of _you_ , because he kept searching even when _you_ stopped. It's your fault he died, that every single worker at his office died. And then we have your sister, who didn't even tell you what she had been doing. She didn't trust you enough." He had shaken his head. "And you didn't even bother to know what happened to her. _You gave up on her on your own sister_. Just as you are giving up now, only because you are a _coward_. Only because you are _afraid_."

Aelin had barely been able to breathe. Rowan had just walked out, not even bothering to hear if she had anything else to say. She had been trembling with rage and sadness, silent sobs racking her body and tears falling down her eyes. She had stared at  nothing, letting her rage fade while sorrow and a dull pain replaced its place. An emptiness had spread within her chest, even wider than before.

She had whispered, a soft broken sentence. "You are right, it should have been me."

Silence had echoed and she had thought he had been truly gone. So she had just sat on the floor, in utter despair, until she had heard him come back.  Rowan had appeared in front of her. She had lifted her head to see him.

He had just said, "I'm not even to bother asking you anything, you've been obviously oblivious to everything around you." His words had been as sharp as knifes, flat and cruel. "If you remember anything, just call me. I left my phone number on your table."

And he had walked out, not even giving a second glance to the broken girl in front of him. She still didn't know what had possessed her then, but she had gone after him, silent tears still falling down her face.

She had said, her voice hoarse, "okay, fine, let's work together."

Rowan had  only looked at her long and hard, probably wondering what had changed her mind. He had arched his brow and had been about to open his mouth, but she had cut him. "You were right, I stopped looking. _I stopped looking_ , I gave up on them ... I was a coward who just wanted to forget the past and that looked forward to the future. But ... but I did try, with my parents. I tried so hard and Sam ... I never knew what he was doing behind my back. He never told me about finding my parent's killer, he never told me ... but I didn't ask either, because you are right, I'm just a self-centered brat and I just wanted to get past the pain, the emptiness." She had looked at his face then, her eyes hollow and empty, but bold. "But I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have let Sam die for nothing, I should have never believed such things about my own sister. I should have done things different, I know and I want to change it. And you and I ...  together we can do it. I know you owe nothing to me and I know you don't even like me, I have behaved like a jerk to you, but please, let me work with you. Let me avenge them." Her eyes were burning when she said, at least, "let's show ... _whoever did this_ what we can do."

Rowan's face had been unreadable, an unforgiving mask. A couple of minutes had gone by before he had asked, "are you sure? This is not a game. You might die or you might have to kill someone. Death will hover over us at every moment. Do you think you can live with that? You think you can live if there's someone's blood on your hands?"

Aelin had looked at him right in the eye and said with any hint of doubt. "If that's what it takes, then yes."

Then, Rowan had checked her out from head to toe. Aelin had shaken her head, "if you are going to check me out, do it more subtly."

His eyes had gleamed with constrained anger. "Do you have any training?"

"Training?"

" _Combat_ training."

Aelin had considered for a moment. "I do know something about self-defense, my father taught me when I was little."

"And have you ever shot at someone? Do you have any experience with guns?"

"Yes, although it's been a long time since I've ever practiced with one."

Rowan had nodded slightly, then he had said, surprising her. "We're going to train. Tomorrow at 6 AM."

Aelin had blinked. "What?"

"We are going to train," he had repeated, as if she had been stupid. "I'm not going to get killed protecting you. If you can't deal on your own, we won't be able to do anything. Understood?"

Aelin had stared at him before nodding.

"Good. See you tomorrow."

He had been out of the door in a heartbeat.

And it was done. Just an impulse ... that might very well help her save herself.

Aelin Ashryver Galathynius sighed and looked out of the window. So many things have happened in the last few hours ... but she was sure of one thing: she would find that killer, she would avenge her family and Sam and nobody would stop her.

She was a nobody, with no family, no loved ones. She had lost everything and now she was utterly alone. Her heart was broken, shattered to pieces. But in her eyes sparked a new determination that would set the world on fire. She would not let them be forgotten, she would not give up.

_Because she was Aelin Ashryver Galathynius and she would not be afraid. Not anymore._

_And she would leave the world trembling in her wake._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m afraid classes have started again and my free time has become nonexistent so I won't be able to upload new chapters as quickly as I'd like to. I won't abandon this story though, don't worry about that. I'm really enjoying making it and I want to see it done and finished someday. Regarding the chapter, it's a little bit longer than usual. It's been one of the hardest, as well as one of the funniest and more interesting to write. I really hope you like it :D

##### Nesta's POV

"Nesta? _Nesta?_ " Elain snapped her fingers before her. "Are you even listening to me?"

Nesta rolled her eyes. She's been enduring her sister talk about Lucien for hours now. Elain had fancied Lucien for some time now, even if she had never acted upon it. She had always been too shy to ever approach him and it had only been recently, when Feyre started dating Tamlin, that she had started to flirt with him. But _flirting_ with Elain meant batting her eyelashes at him for long periods of time and smiling at him sweetly from the distance. Lucien hardly noticed it, Nesta didn't know if it was because he was dense or just oblivious to it all.

However, now that Feyre was working with Lucien on that project, Elain could enjoy some time alone with him when he was at their home. Which was good, she guessed. Nesta had met Lucien when they were kids and they had been friends ever since. He was really fun to hang out with and he had a knack for making others mad, which had always amused her. She  had been glad when her sister had told her what she felt for him, but she had also been surprised, mainly because he was her total opposite. She was so sweet while he was such an ass. They would make an interesting couple. _If_ Lucien ever noticed Elain's flirtation and advances.

It pained her to think though how much things had changed since Tamlin arrived to school. Lucien had always been her friend and yet, all she could feel towards him lately was ... bitterness. Bitterness and rage. It pissed her off how cowardly Lucien always acted towards Tamlin. Lucien had always radiated charisma, but for some reason ever since Tamlin came to school, he's been behaving like an fool, doing whatever Tamlin wanted all the time, following him around like a lost puppy. And she hated it. She hated to see him bow before Tamlin. It was such a pitiful sight. And it reminded her of ...

_Feyre._

Nesta and Feyre had done a good job of avoiding each other since their confrontation this past Thursday. Today, however, Feyre was coming to have lunch with her, Elain and Mor. Apparently, Tamlin had an appointment with the doctor so she was free.

On Monday, Wednesday and Friday school ended at 2 PM, which meant they could avoid those terrifying school meals and head somewhere else to eat. Having lunch together had been a common thing for years, a tradition almost. However, ever since Feyre stared to date Tamlin she's been ditching most of their meals to be with him. She had been surprised when Feyre had texted them to let them know she was waiting for them at home, having finished her classes already.

If Nesta were honest with herself, she was tired of thinking about her sister. She was tired of seeing her like this ...  sad and sorrowful, slowly breaking apart. But there wasn't anything she could do. At all. And that broke her to pieces.

She could keep trying, but ...

_This is my problem, not yours, Nesta._

Nesta sighed and shook her head. "No, I wasn't. But let me guess, it was something about Lucien?"

Elain smiled at the mention of his name and said, " _yes_. He's just so ... perfect. I wish he would notice me. You know him better than I do so ... any tips, lovely sister?" Elain batted her eyelashes at Nesta and she chuckled.

"I don't think there's anything to do, Elain. You are one of the most incredible girls out there and if he doesn't see it, he's a fool."

Elain sighed. "Yeah, well, he's not _seeing_ it, apparently. It's frustrating. I don't know how Feyre did it."

Nesta stared at her sister, shaking her head. She noticed how Elain's hair seemed to catch the rays of sunlight, giving her the dazzling effect of a golden halo. Elain was beautiful. She was without any doubt the most stunning of the Archeron sisters. Her long wavy chestnut hair, along with her beautiful warm face and bright brown eyes made a stunning combination and her sweet and docile demeanour made it easy to be with her. She was the perfect companion and if Lucien didn't see it then he was a fool. Even more than she thought.

Feyre was also beautiful, she guessed, although perhaps in a less apparent way. Her features were sharper than Elain's somehow and she was leaner, more raw-boned. Her hair was golden brown, similar to Elain's, but it was her eyes what truly marked the difference between them: they were of a deep blue-gray color, depending on the incident light. She was also more wicked, more intense than Elain and her charisma brought the attention of way too many. Like, Tamlin.

And then there was Nesta.

Nesta and Feyre were similar, physically speaking, but her features were indeed more jagged. And while Feyre's eyes gleamed with wickedness, Nesta's burned with a fierceness and a iciness that made others wary. She was cranky, humourless and hot-headed, which was another of the reasons few dared approach her.

Nesta didn't care though. She liked that nobody ever dared anger her or that she could see fear in other's faces when they faced her. She liked that respect. She was proud of it, even if it sometimes made her feel lonely.

It was true though that sometimes she caught herself envying her sister, when she saw her laughing at something Tamlin had whispered in her ear or when he kissed her or looked at her in utter adoration. She sometimes caught herself wishing she found someone who looked at her with love in his eyes, someone who loved her and accepted her despite her flaws. Someone who got her and saw through her armour.

But then she saw how Tamlin snarled at everyone and everything Feyre spoke to and she lost all interest.

 _Love_. What a huge waste of time.

Nesta shrugged and said. "Boys are easy. If you want to impress him, then dress fancy, talk to him and he'll fall all over you."

Elain tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and muttered, "you make it sound so easy when it's evidently not."

"That's because it's _easy_." Nesta shoved her sister gently and smiled. "Just be yourself, Elain. Don't overthink it."

Elain shook her head and smiled. "Someday Nesta, you're going to fall in love and I can't wait to make fun of you for it."

Nesta rolled her eyes and snapped, " _right_. Whatever you say."

Elain looked at her and giggled softly. "It's going to be fun, I think, to see you turn into a nervous wreck."

"I won't turn into a _nervous wreck_."

"Yes, you will," Elain argued, taking out her cell phone which had just vibrated in her pocket. She looked at the message on the screen and started texting back while she said, "and it will be okay, Nesta. You don't have to be so serious all the time, so ... angry. I think falling in love would do you some good." Nesta blinked, completely taken aback. Her sister just continued and asked completely unaware of her sister's shock. "Okay, Feyre is asking where we should head over to eat. Do you have any ideas?"

Nesta shook her head. She threaded a hand through her hair and said, "ehhh ... there's this new place, La Giara. I've heard the food is pretty good, maybe we could try it out."

Elain nodded and texted back at Feyre.  Then she looked at her and smiled. "Perfect. Okay, so I'm heading home to change first, but why don't you go ahead? It'll be just a moment, I swear."

Nesta shook her head. When Elain said _a moment_ it meant _forever_ , but she just answered. "Right, cool."

Elain smiled and hugged her. Then she sprinted right towards their house and said, "and don't worry, this time I promise I won't be late!"

Nesta gave a dismissive wave of her hand and yelled, "yeah, yeah. That's what you said _last time_!"

The last thing she noticed was her sister, disappearing in the distance, as she made her way towards the restaurant.

.............................................................................

When Nesta entered the restaurant she was greeted by the soft smell of garlic and oregano. She loved that smell, almost as much as the food itself. It reminded her of her childhood somehow. Her mother used to cook a lot of Italian food when they were little and whenever she did she always made the house smell like cheese, garlic and tomato. She remembered her favourite food at that time had been Bucatini Pomodoro, which was a fat spaghetti with tomato, olive and oil. She missed her childhood, she missed how easy things used to be.

Their mother had died of cancer when Nesta had been barely eight years old, leaving three little girls alone in the world. Maybe that sounded a little bit dramatic, but it had been what had happened. Their father had been unable to look after them. The death of their mother had hit him hard and he had stopped caring about anything else: he would spend the nights out drinking himself to stupor and the mornings and afternoons sleeping like the dead or crying alone in his room. He had stopped working, leaving them almost in bankrupt, without a penny to buy food or clothes.

As of now, she didn't know what he was doing. He hadn't come home in a while, but again, that was normal. He sent them money to survive, but little more. Maybe because he didn't care. Maybe because he never had.

The memories of those first moments after her mother died would always stay with her though, no matter how hard she tried to erase them: her father's crying, her mother's last breath, her own tears shed during the night when nobody watched her, Feyre's dead expression ... she had a lot of be grateful for Feyre. During those first weeks of utter desolation and grief, she had been the one who had taken care of everything. She still felt guilty about it mainly because Feyre shouldn't have had to endure it all alone. Nesta should have been able to help her ... but she hadn't.

She was just as bad as their father _. A coward, a useless nobody_. She hated him so much ... for doing nothing when they had needed him the most. For failing her, for failing _them_.

Just as she had failed her sisters.

Nesta gritted her teeth, her knuckles white from clenching her fists too hard. She swallowed and took in a deep breath, trying to remain calm despite her storm of emotions. She had been enduring lots of stress lately with her own problems and Feyre's, she didn't need to upset herself even more thinking about her mother.

Suddenly, she remembered her sister's words: _I think falling in love would do you some good._

 _Would it?_ No, she didn't think so. Love was for dreamers. People who live as crushed by reality would never stand a chance.

Nesta shook her head and looked around. The place was almost empty, only a few tables occupied by customers. She noticed a small table by the window and she went to sit there. She could feel the fury boiling within her, pushing to get out. No matter how hard she tried, all she seemed to feel lately were fury, pain and desolation. And she knew that someday, if she keep pressing it all down, she would explode.

And whoever stood before her would regret it for the rest of their sorry life.

Suddenly, she heard someone approaching. She felt her anger stirring in her gut. Today was not a good day to mess up with her. The last thing she needed was ...

"Hey there, beautiful."

Nesta looked up, her eyes flashing with indignation and anger. If she were honest with herself, she had been expecting to find some random dude, who would have been more than sorry for bothering her when she was in such a bad mood, but ... no, that wasn't the case.

Before her stood the most handsome man Nesta had ever seen. He was looking down at her with a wolfish grin on his face. He was tall, maybe a head taller than her, with shoulder-length dark hair and bright hazel eyes that were looking at her with intensity. Her mouth dried at the sight of him. When he noticed she was speechless, he smirked, clearly pleased.

"Cat got your tongue, sweetheart?" He chuckled. "Not that I blame you. Who can resist to this?" He gestured his body with one of his hands, his eyes gleaming with wicked delight.

Nesta blushed with embarrassment. She grunted, "a little less of pride wouldn't hurt, _prick_."

He smiled even broader. "So the kitten has claws. _Nice_."

Nesta's face went red with anger and she hissed, "are you here just to piss me off or do you have a purpose?"

The smile remained on his face when he said, "I'm you waiter, actually. Although I'm wondering if you're going to have lunch all alone. It's a pity, truly, that a girl as beautiful as you has to eat on her own." He winked. "Let me invite you for lunch. My shift finishes soon and I do know a few places we could go."

Nesta glared at him. "And why would I ever go with you anywhere?"

He arched his brow, "it can't be worse than eating alone."

Nesta clenched her fists beneath the table and gritted her teeth. She said, with a voice full of contained rage, "I'm _not_ eating alone, you jerk. I'm waiting for some friends."

He held up his palms, that smile still plastered on his face. "Okay, okay, fine." He looked over his shoulder and then back at her, his eyes gleaming with malice. Then he sat down, right next to her.

She growled, "what do you think you're doing?"

He just looked at her and smiled sweetly, "I'm going to stay with you until your friends come up."

"No, you aren't."

He chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning on the chair. "And why, exactly?"

"I don't know, maybe because you should be working?"

He looked over again and gestured to the tables around them. Then he said, his voice as sweet as honey, "I don't know if you've noticed, but the place is pretty empty right now. I think they won't notice if I'm away for a couple of minutes."

"If I scream, I'm sure they will."

He smiled even broader, showing off deep dimples in both cheeks. She blushed. _What was wrong with her_?

He continued, clearly amused at her frustration. "I think I like you, wildcat."

She looked away and grunted. " _Just go away_."

She looked around for any of the other waiters, but none of them seemed available. Suddenly, she felt his fingers lifting her chin to look at her directly in the eyes. She blushed and stared at him, anger pouring out of her in waves. He just looked at her and purred. "My name's Cassian, by the way."

" _I don't care_." She shook his hand away and glowered at him. "Look, I'm not interested in whatever game you are playing so just go away and leave me the hell alone. If you don't, I'll make you and it won't be nearly as pleasant as you think."

He just stared at her, a small smile on his face. He shook his head. "You can resist to me all you want, wildcat, but in the end my charms will win you over."

She growled. " _We just met_."

He laughed. "And it was clearly love at first sight."

Nesta raked her fingers through her hair and sighed, frustrated. "Just ... stop, okay? This is not funny."

"What's not funny?"

"You. _This_." She gestured at them with her hand. "Don't pretend you like me when it's obvious you don't. You've probably flirted with every single girl who's been here just because you can. And I'm not interested in that, in _you_. So just, stop, alright?"

He stayed silent for a while and she didn't dare look at him. When he spoke again, she couldn't identify the emotion behind his voice. "Can you at least tell me your name?"

She sighed in exasperation. "Haven't you heard anything I've just said? And why do you want to know?"

"Because I do."

She shook her head and finally dared herself to look right into his eyes. His eyes were burning with an emotion she couldn't quite place and he was looking at her like a predator seizing his prey. They stared at each other, oblivious to the voices around them. Then, something flickered in his gaze and Nesta's heart skip a beat.

Suddenly, Cassian leaned in until their faces were inches apart. He whispered, "haven't you considered that maybe I am trying to flirt with you because I like you? That the only reason I'm talking to you is because I am _clearly_ interested in you?"

Nesta drew in a long breath. He was still looking at her, his eyes locked on hers. Without any warning, she felt his focus shift to her lips and her mouth dried. The rest of the world ceased to exist for a split of second and the only two people on the planet were them: two magnets, colliding. Nesta's heart raced in her chest, the only sound of the room. His eyes moved towards hers again, pleased and determined.

"Nesta!"

Her sister's voice broke the spell they were in. Nesta withdrew from Cassian and looked over to see her sisters waving at her. She closed her eyes and let out a harsh breath.

"Your friends?" Cassian asked softly.

She gulped. "My ... my sisters."

He nodded absently. She noticed her sisters were approaching the table, and she made as if to get up, but he grabbed her by the arm and whispered, so low she almost didn't hear it. "This isn't over, just so you know."

She blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not giving up. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to make you fall in love with me."

Nesta's heart skipped a beat. Even though she was a mess inside, her voice was calm when she said. "You are crazy."

He smiled softly. "I haven't flirted with anyone else by the way. Not today, not a week ago. Just you."

 Nesta's heart pounded wildly in her chest. "It doesn't matter. You and I ... we're probably never going to see each other again. You know that, right?"

He chuckled. "Such pessimistic thoughts. Are you always like this?"

"Not always, but most of the time."

He smiled and let go of her. "It was a pleasure to meet you, _Nesta_. Until we see each other again."

She shook her head. " _If_ we see each other again."

He started to walk away, but she heard him say, his voice barely a whisper. "Trust me, we will."

Nesta stared at him as he disappeared behind a door. Suddenly, she heard a voice behind her.

"Who was that?"

Nesta blinked and turned around to see her sisters standing before her. Feyre was looking at her curiously and  Elain was practically glowing with happiness.

Nesta grimaced. "Nobody."

Elain grasped Feyre's arm and exclaimed. "Oh my goodness, are you _blushing_? Feyre, are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

Feyre smiled a knowing smile. "I think I am."

Nesta grunted. "Can you _please_ stop?"

"Are you kidding? Of course not!" Elain stared at the empty place where Cassian had been. "Who is he? Do you have his number?"

"I don't care and no, I _don't_."

"And what are you waiting for?" She starting looking for him around the place. "Where did he go?"

" _Elain, stop_."

"Oh c'mon, Nesta, stop being so serious! You ... "

"Elain, can't you see you're making her uncomfortable?" Feyre asked, her voice soft. She looked at Nesta, understanding flashing in her eyes and said, "leave her alone. She will do what she sees fit." Elain huffed and Feyre looked at her clock. "And let's go eat somewhere, it's late and I'm _starving_."

Elain glanced at Nesta. "We were supposed to eat here."

"Well, it seems we're eating elsewhere so let's go."

Elain was still rumbling when they got out of the restaurant, clearly mad at them. When they were out, Nesta whispered softly to Feyre. "Thank you."

Feyre gave a dismissive wave of her hand. "No big deal. But Nesta?"

"Yes?"

"If you ever need someone to talk ... I'm here, okay?"

Nesta looked at Feyre. Feyre's eyes were shining with understanding and seriousness. Somehow Feyre had always been able to understand her, better than anyone else. And now ... she knew she understood. Feyre understood that she needed time to process what had just happened, what she was feeling, she needed to think it over and calm down before talking about it to anyone. And Feyre's stare ... it told her that she was willing to wait for as long as she needed. She would wait for her until she was ready.

Nesta and Feyre kept walking and before Nesta could think it too much she said, "I'm sorry for being so mean to you the other day."

Feyre looked down and shrugged. "I said some pretty mean things too. It's okay."

Nesta nodded and she said, "and, Feyre?"

Feyre looked at her again. "Yes?"

"If you ever need someone to talk, I'm here too, okay?"

Feyre smiled softly. "I know."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've read some of your comments and ... you're all being so nice, thank you for reading my story and leaving such sweet messages. I promise I'll try to live up to every single one of your expectations. You are all great :D  
> Also, this chapter is about Feyre and Rhysand ... and Tamlin I guess (yeah, I'm sorry about that). Tell me what you think!

##### Feyre's POV

Feyre tilted her head back to enjoy the brightness of the sun on her skin and the warm breeze blowing through. She was sitting on the grass with Tamlin's head resting across her lap. Feyre had been fairly surprised when Tamlin had suggested they could go have a picnic in the forest located close to the school grounds right after class. She had been exhausted, but she hadn't been able to say no.

She simply loved the forest. If you looked up you could see the sky vanishing almost completely, only a few fragments of blue piercing through the tree branches and leaves. The air was rich with the fragrance of wood and soil and there was absolute silence, broken only by the occasional chirping of nearby birds or a squirrel dashing up a trunk. Forests were places full of mystery and a magical feeling that seemed to vibrate in the air, something ancient and eternal.

Feyre exhaled softly, feeling at peace for once. Right now she felt happy, untroubled. More than she had been in a while.

It had been already two weeks since the group projects for the assignment came up. Two weeks of endless agony and misery, of never-ending despair because her boyfriend was still paranoid with the idea of her getting hurt.

She was aghast at how much everything had changed in the spam on two weeks. During the first week, Tamlin had only been slightly aggressive towards those who tried to speak to her, but now he didn't allow her to talk to anyone or anyone to talk to her. When he wasn't with her, he had friends controlling her at every corner and if they saw her doing something out of the ordinary, they would tell Tamlin immediately. Afterwards, he would confront her about it and they would argue. She would beg him to back off, to let her breathe, but to no avail. _There's no room for argument_ , he would say, _this is for you own good_. He never listened to her ... and it broke her heart.

It was in those brief moments when she considered ... ending it. But she never did, she _couldn't_. Maybe it was because of moments like this, these quiet moments that made it all almost worth it. If only there was a way to make every single moment as perfect as this one ... what she wouldn't give to achieve that.

Feyre run a hand distractedly through Tamlin's hair and he opened his eyes and looked sweetly at her. His eyes were a vivid green and they were gleaming with delight and joy. She smiled softly. "Hey."

He covered his eyes with his hand, a small smile on his face. "You look beautiful."

She laughed quietly. "Thanks."

His smile broadened. A few seconds passed before he whispered quietly. "I wish we didn't have to go back, I wish we could stay here forever."

Feyre's smile faltered at that. "Yeah, I wish we could."

"Are you doing something tomorrow? Maybe we could go somewhere."

Feyre's smile disappeared. "You know I can't. I have to study, I told you."

Tamlin sighed.  "Tomorrow's Friday, Feyre. One shouldn't study on Fridays."

Feyre gulped. "Well, I do."

Tamlin shook his head. "Fine, whatever." He rolled over and got up, brushing the dirt of his jeans. Feyre looked at him sadly while he started gathering his things.

_Not again. Please._

"Tamlin -"

"No, Feyre. It's whatever. If you don't want to be with me, just tell me straight ahead. Don't lie."

Feyre shook her head. "I'm not lying, Tamlin."

"Oh really?" Tamlin looked, anger gleaming in his eyes. "Nobody _ever_ studies on Fridays. If you are it's only because you don't want to see me." Tamlin gave a dismissive wave of his hand and started walking away. "But it's fine, Feyre. Do whatever you want."

Feyre just stared at him as he walked away. She could feel the exhaustion and sadness finding their way back to her chest, where they had been for days now. Whatever spell they had been in was broken now, her spirits down once more. He managed to destroy every little progress they made, every hint of happiness she was able to find in their relationship. And that made her sad ... and somewhat disappointed.

Sometimes she couldn't help but wonder ... how could he not see it? How could he not see her pain, her struggles, her agony? How could he not realise the way he was acting was killing her from the inside?

Maybe ... maybe she should walk away, but how? It always came back to that question: how could she break up with him when the thought of never seeing him again broke her apart? How could she leave him when she loved him so much?

_But is love worth it in the end, if it ends up destroying you?_

She closed her eyes. She wasn't ready to answer that question. Not yet anyway.

Suddenly her phone vibrated in her pocket. She picked it out and saw a new message popping out in her notifications.

**_Rhys: Still up for Friday night?_ **

Rhysand.

She hadn't been lying when she had told Tamlin she was going to study, but she had forgotten to mention him with _who_. It was incredible how much her relationship with Rhysand had improved in the course of these two weeks. She had realised she hadn't known him at all. He was so different from what she had thought: considerate, merciful, understanding, sweet, funny ... etc. It still amazed her how well he had hidden it.

They didn't talk at school for obvious reasons, but they talked on WhatsApp on almost a daily basis and that troubled her because she _liked_ talking to him.  Probably more than she should.

It had all started innocently. A simple message written late at night.

**_Unknown number: Hello Feyre darling ;)_ **

_Of course_ , she had thought. _It had to be him._

**_Hello prick._ **

**_Rhysand: As charming as always. And here I thought we were friends ;(_ **

She had laughed a little at that.

**_*this is me rolling my eyes* whatever, Rhys. What do you want?_ **

**_Rhysand: *sighs loudly and dramatically* I just wanted to talk to you. Why do I always need to want something?_ **

Feyre had just blinked at the screen. She had considered his words for a second before typing back.

**_Okay, then talk._ **

They had talked _for hours_ that night. And the next one. And the next one. And now ... they've been like this, talking about everything and nothing for almost two weeks. And it felt amazing.

She had told her about the death of her mother and his father's inability to take care of her and her sisters and he had told her about what happened to his parents, how they had died in a car accident when he had been ten years old and how he had been forced to live with his uncle and aunt from that moment on. She had admitted how often she thought about her mother, about the way things would have been if she had lived and he had told her how much he missed his own, how much he had cried over her death because even though his father had been an utter jerk, he had loved his mother with all his heart. He had told her the kind of music he liked, how much he liked animals and how Amren, his first crush, had sent him packing when he had told her about it. Feyre had told him which food she liked and she had explained to him about her desire to become an painter someday. She talked to him about Tamlin, about her problems and he corresponded her by telling her about his.

She had never felt more understood by a human being. She'd always had a deep connection with her sisters and now than she'd made up with Nesta, she could talk to her about almost everything again, but whatever this was, with Rhys ... it was different. Those messages with him were a bliss in the ocean of darkness she was living in lately. _He_ understood her, even when Tamlin didn't. And that scared her because she was feeling things she knew she shouldn't be feeling towards him. Tamlin was her boyfriend and she loved him, but with Rhys ... it was a special, rare thing what laid between them. And she didn't know what to make of it.

Feyre shook her head. She stared at her cellphone for a while before typing back.

**_Yeah. Although Tamlin is a little bit mad._ **

**_Rhys: Has he said anything mean to you?_ **

**_Not really. I think. I mean, you know how he gets._ **

**_Rhys: Like a needy bastard?_ **

**_Don't be mean._ **

**_Rhys: Sorry, the autocorrect. I meant, "Like a considerate boyfriend?"_ **

Feyre laughed and shook her head.

**_Prick._ **

**_Rhys: XD_ **

She stared at her phone and smiled. He made her smile ... while her Tamlin -

"Feyre, are you coming or what?"

Feyre sighed and got up. She gathered her things and went to straight to Tamlin's car. Tamlin was leaning against it and when he saw her he racked his fingers through his hair and bit his lip. Feyre knew he wanted her to talk to him, to maybe even apologise and beg for his forgiveness, but she wasn't in the mood. She went directly to the passenger's seat, but as soon as she passed by his side she felt him grabbing her arm. She turned her head to look at him.

Tamlin was looking at him intently, his gaze slightly narrowed. "You look ... different."

Feyre simply asked. "Different as in?"

"I don't know. Just different, you carry yourself differently." He shook his head and looked right into her eyes, his stare piercing and ... slightly angry. She gulped. "Are you hiding things from me, Feyre?"

Feyre paled slightly and said, "of course not."

"Are you sure? Because if you are lying to me, Feyre ... if you lie to me, I will -"

"You will _what_ , Tamlin?"

He simply shook his head and said. "We are together, Feyre. I thought you loved me. I thought what we have is important to you."

"It _is_ important to me."

"Well, it doesn't look like it." His gaze was burning with fury and the pressure on her arm increased. Feyre felt fear, real fear, gathering in her gut.

"Tamlin -"

"All I've been doing, all I've _done_ is for you, Feyre. Because I love you, because I want you to be safe, don't you see it? _How can't you see it?_ "

"Tamlin, I know. I love you too. Please, let go of me."

" _The hell I will._ " Tamlin pushed her against the car until their faces were inches apart, his lips barely touching hers. "You are _mine_ , Feyre. And you will always be mine."

Feyre's breath was coming in short pants, fear curling up inside her and clinging to her ribs. "Tamlin, please -"

"Say it, Feyre." Tamlin's breath was hot in her lips, anger vibrating in every word he said. " _Say it_."

Feyre felt tears of incompetence and pain gathering at the back of her eyes. She whispered softly. "I'm yours. I'm yours, Tamlin."

At that, he growled and kissed her roughly. Feyre responded, revulsion stirring inside of her. She felt his tongue pushing its way inside her mouth and she just let him, like she always did. She let him kiss her, she let him have her once more. She felt weak in his arms, disoriented, impotent ... and scared.

When he was done, he drew back and exhaled quietly on her lips. He pressed his forehead to hers and whispered. "I love you, Feyre."

Feyre shivered and she felt disgust in spite of herself when she answered. "I love you too."

Tamlin opened his eyes then and looked at her. His eyes no longer vibrated with anger, but with care and love, something that made her hate herself. Maybe _this_ was her fault. This situation, the way things were between them. Maybe he was right and it was her the one who didn't understand, who didn't value everything Tamlin was doing for her. But ...

She felt sick.

Tamlin suddenly kissed her brow softly and said. "Let's not get mad at each other ever again, alright?"

Feyre nodded, defeated all of a sudden. She felt empty inside, as if there was a void sucking the life out of her steadily.

"But ... Feyre? Look at me."

Feyre lifted her head, her eyes void of emotion. He was looking at her with love in her eyes, but she felt nothing in return. _He will destroy you_ , Rhysand had said. Maybe he had been right.

"Try not to make me angry, okay? It seems all you do lately is trying to get a rise out of me and that's not nice."

Feyre felt anger stirring up in her chest. _Me? Are you serious, Tamlin? I haven't done anything. It's you who's out of control, who behaves like some maniac. And this has to end, Tamlin. Because if it doesn't, it will end me, it will kill me. Can't you see it? I thought you loved me, but this is not love. It can't be._

She wanted to tell him. She could feel the words in her tongue, but ... what good would it do to tell him? He wouldn't understand. He never did. It would be useless, as always.

So she just nodded and complied once more.

Tamlin smiled sweetly and kissed her once more. "And you will go out with me tomorrow, won't you? You owe me I think, after everything. We will have fun together."

Feyre felt numb. She felt the need to say something again. _I want to be with Rhys, not with you. I want to talk to him and be me. I want to be with someone who understands me. I don't want to be a locked animal anymore. I just want to be free._

_I can't keep going on like this._

But she solely said. "Fine."

Tamlin's brow creased subtly and she felt scared again. His voice had taken a serious hint when he said, "you don't sound convinced."

She made herself smile softly and look up. "I am. I am just tired, today was a rough day."

Tamlin shook his head. "You are awfully tired lately, are you sick?"

Maybe she was. But Feyre only shook her head, kissed him and went to the passenger's seat. She just wanted to go home.

.............................................................................................

Feyre opened the front door of her house and got inside. The house was quiet, assuring her none of her sisters had yet arrived. Elain had told her this morning she was going to be out until late studying with a friend for a test she had tomorrow and Nesta ... she was likely doing grocery shopping. Or maybe studying at the library. She wasn't sure.

Feyre knew that if she told her about Tamlin, Nesta would explode. She would go straight to his house to kick the life out of him. Or worse. Nesta wasn't one for delicacy.

That was why she couldn't know what Tamlin had done to her today. _Ever_. She couldn't tell her, not until she figured how to deal with the problem herself. She didn't want to add more burdens to her sister's back, she already had enough on her own.

Nesta hadn't yet told her about that mysterious boy at the restaurant. She was still surprised by her sister's reaction to him. It was odd to see her so unsettled when she was normally so indifferent to everything and everyone around her. She might have insisted to know once upon a time, but ... now she just didn't have the energy left to care.

Everything seemed to drain her lately. She felt so tired all the time ... and upset.

All at once, she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket and she picked out.

**_Rhys: Bored out of my mind. I want to hear about your wonderful evening. Lift up my spirits, darling._ **

She considered not answering for a couple of seconds, but then she simply typed back.

**_Not in the mood._ **

He didn't reply immediately. Some seconds went by before he wrote back to her.

**_Rhys: Is something wrong?_ **

**_It doesn't matter._ **

This time he answered right away.

**_Rhys: It does to me._ **

She could _not_ answer. She could choose not to tell him, to let it go and she knew ... she knew he wouldn't push it out of her. Because he was _her friend_ , because he understood her ... and maybe that's why she told him. Or maybe it was because she needed to let it out, she needed to tell someone at least, someone who wouldn't judge her, someone she could ... trust.

When she was done telling him, she just stared at her phone, waiting for his reply. She just stood there, willing him to send something, to talk to her ... but she received nothing in return.

She waited and waited, but ... nothing. He didn't reply. Rhysand had left her, alone in her pain, just like everyone else.

Feyre felt her heart constricting. _How could he leave her?_ She had thought he was her friend ... but again, she had thought so many things lately. She wondered what she had done to deserve this. To deserve having everyone leaving her when she needed them most.

Something inside her cracked and she collapsed. If she hurt herself on the fall, she didn't feel it. She felt nothing as she laid on the floor, letting everything sink. _She was alone. He had left her alone._ And for some reason that hurt her even more than Tamlin's behaviour.

She took in a deep breath and was about to sleep, scream or burst into tears when suddenly the front door rang. And rang. And rang. Feyre straightened herself as she went to open the door. She didn't know who could be at this hour since both her sisters had keys. Maybe it was Tamlin, but ... no, he would never come to her house this unexpectedly.

Feyre opened the door and her heart skipped a beat when she saw who was standing there. Rhysand was looking at her, concern shining in his beautiful violet eyes. He whispered quietly, "I know you are wary of us seeing each other, but ... I just couldn't help myself. I needed to see you were alright and ... well, I think you shouldn't be alone right now."

Feyre couldn't believe what she was hearing, what he was saying. "Rhys ..."

Rhysand looked over his shoulder before looking at her again. "Can I come in?"

Feyre Just nodded, unable to talk. _He had come. He hasn't left you, he's come for you._ She wondered why that mattered so much, why the mere thought of him disappearing of her life hurt so much.

Rhysand came into the house and she closed the door behind him. Silence stretched between them as he drank her in. He was looking at her with such raw emotion it made her knees tremble. Then he muttered, "you look pale."

Feyre shook her head. "I thought ... I thought you didn't want anything to do with me anymore."

Rhysand blinked and shook his head. "Why would you think such a thing?"

"You left my messages unanswered and ... I don't know. I worried I guess."

Rhysand shook his head and smiled softly. "I guess I should have answered, but once I read your message I couldn't think straight. I went for my car and came right here, not even stopping to think about the consequences. Sorry if that made you worry."

Feyre shook her head. "Don't. I'm glad you're here."

Feyre and Rhysand looked at each other and Feyre, in spite of everything, smiled.

.............................................................................................

Rhysand laid on the couch with Feyre's head against his chest. He was telling her about a time when he and his friends had got lost in a mountain during a camping trip and how they had managed to survive for a week in the wild before anyone had noticed they had disappeared. He was playing with her hair, twirling a curl around his finger while she just laid there, laughing quietly at his story.

They had talked about Tamlin at first, but something about her gaze must have told him enough and he had quickly changed the subject. She knew he didn't like it, any of it. He wanted her to break up and maybe she should, but ... he also understood she needed time and ... she couldn't even thank him enough for seeing it.

Tamlin was a gorgeous male. He looked the way a prince would look in a fairy tale. His eyes were a startling green and his hair the brightest shade of sunlight. That was why every single girl at the school love him. But Rhysand ... he was _more_ than beautiful, but in a less apparent way.  You had to bother to look to notice, something she hadn't before. Never had she realised just how much his eyes caught the beauty of the night, glittering as if they were the moon and the stars. And at the right angle ... even the darkest shade of onyx couldn't hold against the electric fire that burned within them. Never had she noticed the way his dark black hair shifted in the wind, like twirling smoke in a fire nor how soft his voice was, almost like a purr. From the outside, he looked mysterious and dark, but from the inside ... he shone as bright as sun.

She enjoyed his hand moving through her hair, the steady rhythm of his heart, his voice filling the room. Somehow he managed to make everything else disappear. When she was with him, nothing troubled her. She felt invincible, brave and _herself_ once more. He was the fuel to her fire: he made her shine, bright and endless.

And that scared her because what she was starting to feel towards him ...

She loved Tamlin. She was sure she loved Tamlin.

But maybe what she was starting to feel for Rhysand couldn't even be measured in words.

_Because he felt like the other piece of herself._

_Because he made her want to keep moving forwards._

_Because when she was with him she was no longer afraid._

_Because he felt like home._

Suddenly, Feyre felt Rhysand lift her chin. His eyes were vivid and of an endless violet colour. He cocked his head and smiled. "Are you even listening to me?"

She blushed and laughed nervously. "Ehhh ... not really."

He chuckled. "If I am boring, I pray you to tell me. Wouldn't want you drooling all over me."

Feyre rolled her eyes and pulled herself into a sitting position. She looked down to find him smirking at her. When he saw her glare he chuckled and said, "I was saying we should go out tonight. Together."

Feyre's breath caught in her throat and she looked at him wide-eyed. He noticed her stare and cleared his throat before saying, a hint of nervousness in his tone. "I was thinking ... since tomorrow you're busy with other ... _plans_ , we could go out tonight. Some friends of mine are throwing a gig in Velaris, a bar close to my house. I think we'd have fun if we went."

Feyre shook her head slowly and said, incredulous. "Tomorrow we have classes."

"I know, but I'm not talking about staying up all night. It's only a 2-hour thing so by 9 PM you ought to be at home. I could drive you if you want."

Feyre felt her heart beating wildly in her chest. They both knew she didn't care about the hour, not when she had spent entire nights talking to him. They both knew what the real reason behind her worry was about. She gulped and whispered. "Someone might notice."

Rhysand's gaze darkened. "By _someone_ you mean Tamlin, I assume? He won't be there."

"What about his friends?"

Rhysand considered her question. "I ... well, I don't think they will. I have never seen them."

Feyre made a face. "That's not enough reassurance."

Rhysand sighed and rolled over to face her. "You can't stay locked up in your room just to please him."

Feyre shook her head and didn't say anything. Silence stretched between them before Rhysand said softly. "Mor is coming too."

Feyre blinked. "What?"

"Mor, my cousin. Her crush is going to be there replacing the guitarist who fell sick a few days ago. So she's coming to see him."

"I didn't know she fancied anyone. She ... she didn't tell me."

Rhysand gave half a shrug. "Probably because you don't know him. They met last summer when we went to visit my old city. His name is Azriel. He's ... he's like a brother to me, one of my closest friends. We met when we were little and when my parents died and I was forced to move here we kept in touch so we never truly lose contact. He's recently moved here with his brother Cassian so now we'll be able to see each other more." Rhysand smiled softly at that, making his features soften. "I think you'd like them."

"I ... I don't know, Rhysand."

"You could invite your sisters too. He wouldn't ban you from going out with your sisters, would he?" He cocked his head and smirked. "And if someone sees us, we could pretend we met there. An upsetting coincidence."

Feyre sighed. "Elain can't come. She has a test tomorrow."

"And what about Nesta?"

"I could ask, but ... she will probably say no."

"I beg to differ. If there's anyone who hates Tamlin more than me is her. I think she would agree just to piss him off."

Feyre laughed at that. "Maybe."

Rhysand smiled and took her hand. He asked full of hope. "So ... are we doing this?"

Feyre considered. She could always say no ... in fact, she _should_ say no. If anyone found out about this ... Tamlin wouldn't care her sisters and friends had been there, he would only care about Rhysand's presence, the threat he represented. But then ... Rhysand wasn't the threat. He had never been the threat and he was right, she wasn't going to stop living her life, stop doing what she wanted to do, only for Tamlin. She was her own person, it was her choice.

Feyre felt a weight lifted off her chest when she said with a smile on her face. "We are doing this."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I wasn't going to finish it on time, but I was wrong! Here it is the next chapter: it's about Aelin and Rowan and their own drama and honestly? I think it ended up being more thoughtful and deeper than I thought it would when I first started it. I hope you all like it. Please, tell me in the comments what you think about it and again, thank you all for your support!

##### Aelin's POV

Rowan was lethal.

He was as swift as death, as fatal as a sword and as quiet as a shadow.

He was a pure-bred warrior of incomparable strength and aim.

And he beat the hell out of Aelin. _Every. Damn. Day._

Aelin laid on the floor covered in sweat, her chest expanding with short and quick breaths. Rowan had been training her for two weeks now ... two weeks on endless agony and pain where Aelin had confirmed Rowan was as heartless as he seemed. Not only did he made her wake up before dawn to train up until late night, but he also seemed to enjoy it, relishing in her quiet grunts of pain and her constant state of complaining.

He was a jerk, one of the most horrible beings she'd had the misfortune of meeting. And yet ... she couldn't help but feel a little wonder for the spy. He was cruel and brutal, but maybe that was because life had made him that way. He had been trained to be a spy with no remorse nor empathy ... and he was incredibly good at it. Aelin was still amazed at his strength, speed and fierceness. She had never seen anyone move the way he did: as if he were carried by the wind and fire was his ally. He was a storm ... unpredictable and destructive, able to end everything that stood before him.

And even though that was scary ...

... it was also alluring.

Leaving his grim temperament and deadliness aside, Aelin had to admit Rowan was annoyingly attractive. Rowan ... he had the most gorgeous green eyes she'd ever seen. They were of a green so deep and so endless they made her feel as if she could drain in them if she stared long enough. His hair was long and startlingly white, as bright as crystal and as smooth as snow and the light usually reflected upon it, making it shine out of spite. And his body ... Rowan was a corpulent man, all muscle and skill. Rowan had been born for battle: he was death and ruination. He was devastation and carnage.

_He was the most stunning man she'd ever seen in her life._

If he wasn't such a jerk at all times, she might have seriously considered him boyfriend material. Not that it mattered because he evidently showed no interest in her. None at all.

_Ugh, he was such an annoying brat. Such a gorgeous, grumpy, dangerous brat._

Aelin closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. Rowan was what he was, but ... she owed him. He had given her a purpose, a mission. Something to keep her going, something to focus to avoid crumpling apart. Even if he was an offensive brat at his best times, she had a lot to be thankful to him. If he hadn't appeared when he did ... she didn't want to think about what she would have turned into.

Suddenly, she heard Rowan's footsteps approaching. When he stopped before her, she opened her eyes to find him looking down at her. He asked, rather annoyed. "Are you getting up or what?"

Aelin grunted. "Five more seconds?"

Rowan just stared quietly at her. She sighed and pushed herself up, brushing the dirt off her jeans. She glanced at him and met his angered stare with hers. "Do you feel better now?"

Rowan growled. "This is your fault. If you weren't such a useless girl, we would have made some progress by now, but we can't because I have to spend every minute of the day training you. It seems all you are is a burden."

Aelin snarled. "Don't you dare call me a burden. It was _you_ who insisted on training me. If we are here losing time, it's because of you."

"So what? Would you rather die finding the killer? _You need training_. But the least you could do considering the situation is to try a bit harder. Or shall I spend the rest of my life training you?"

Aelin clenched her fists. " _I am trying_."

Rowan glowered at her and said through gritted teeth. " _Then try harder._ "

Then he moved. It didn't matter how much they trained together, Rowan always managed to take her by surprise. She knew what he was about to do, they had been doing those same basic movements for hours now, but ... he was still _too fast_. She moved her arm to block him, but he kept on throwing punches at her. She managed to keep him at bay, blocking him on and on for a few more movements, but it wasn't enough. Before she could do anything, she felt his fist connect with her face. She tried to stay upright, to keep her balance, but it was nearly impossible.  A vicious kick to her chest followed the previous one sending her tumbling back to the ground, gasping for air.

Rowan just stared at her hard and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You are still too slow." He shook his head, making a few locks of his white hair fall from his ponytail. "If we kept going on like this ..."

Aelin moved her head towards him. Her breath was coming in short pants and her jaw throbbed from the blow he'd landed on her. She shook her head and looked at him before saying quietly. "Okay, enough. Who?"

Rowan's eyes met hers. "Who what?"

"Who ... who did you lose?" Aelin moved into a sitting position, never breaking eye contact. She hissed at the pain that spread through her side.

Rowan's eyes were burning with contained rage ... and something else, so heartbreaking she felt it in her bones. He simply said, his voice devoid of any emotion. "That’s none of your business."

Aelin gulped. "You know everything about me. Don't you think I deserve to know at least something about you?"

Rowan moved towards her, his movements swift and precise. Aelin just looked at him, bracing at whatever was about to come out of his mouth. He kneeled to looked at her right in the eye and sneered. "You are nothing to me. There's nothing I want to tell you nor share with you and I'm sure as hell I don't owe you an explanation for what I've done or what I do outside of training. The sooner you can manage to defend yourself, the sooner we can finish this and I can be rid of you." Rowan's breath was hot against her face, unrelenting. "So stop your whining and your insolence and let's get back to work."

Aelin's eyes burned with hatred and rage. She simply said. "You don't have to be so offensive, you know."

"I don't want to talk, Aelin. Especially not _with you_. And I definitely don't want your pity."

"That was _not_ my pity."

"Then what was that?"

"Nothing. I just wanted you to know that I understand what you're going through. The loss, the pain, the emptiness ... I fought them years ago and I'm still fighting them now. And I wanted you to know that you could talk to me, if you ever needed to. It's okay to rely on others sometimes, you know. To cry, to share burdens. Because otherwise ... "

"Otherwise ... what?"

"Otherwise you become a monster. You let rage and despair consume you to the point you forget who you really are. And you are annoying, Rowan. You are angry and insolent, and a hateful jerk. But I also know there's a heart beating beneath all that and I can see it. You might have fooled everyone up until now, but not me."

"And why not you?"

"Because ... I see myself when I look at you." Aelin drew in a long breath and raked her fingers through her hair. "So, fine. Don't tell me if you're not ready, but know I'm here whenever you are."

Rowan muttered. "And what if I never am?"

Aelin shrugged. "Your loss. Let it consume you. It's your choice, Rowan."

Aelin pushed herself up, her muscles and joints screaming in pain. She felt more sore and hurt than she had in a while and she was sure she was going to have more than a few bruises when she woke up tomorrow. She sighed and turned her gaze back towards Rowan. "Okay, I'm ready whenever you are. Throw the next punch."

But he didn't move. Rowan was looking towards the window, deep in thought, something like grief coursing over his features. All of a sudden and so quietly she could hardly heard it, he whispered. "Her ... her name was Lydia. And she was my wife and the future mother of my child."

Aelin blinked, completely taken aback. She opened her mouth to say something, not really sure what, but he kept on with that soft and broken voice. "We met during a mission. His father was the leader of one of the most dangerous gangs in Russia and I was to infiltrate that gang to extract information about him and his whereabouts. I didn't ... I definitely didn't expect to fall in love with his daughter." Rowan shook his head. "She was ... she was a modest florist, a simple girl that despite the chaos, the despair and the pain that surrounded her still managed to become someone sweet, caring and incredible. She was everything I've ever dreamt, a gift from heaven. I tried not to love her, I really tried, but ... in the end, I couldn't help it. I told everyone it was for the mission, that I was doing it to make the leader trust me. Hell, I even tried to convince myself. But deep down I knew ... I knew it was something else." Rowan shook his head and smiled, something heartbreaking and awful. "So, for the first in my life I disobeyed the direct orders from my superiors and told her everything. About me, about what I was doing, about her father."

Aelin felt her blood thrumming in her veins. She asked quietly. "And what did she say?"

"She understood. _I loved you_ , she said, _you are everything to me. I trust you Rowan, I am with you. Don’t be afraid_. We married little after that, in secret and I managed to get her out of there, to give her a new identity ... before everything exploded. Her father went to prison, as well as his whole crew after a really complicated and long trial and ... everything was fine. We were young and in love and we had our whole lives before us." Rowan exhaled. "I kept on working as a CIA agent, even though she wanted me to quit. I never listened to her. I thought I did, but ..."

Aelin felt her heart constricting. "What happened to her?"

Rowan's face contorted in pain before saying. "She started working at your ... at Sam's office as a secretary. She mentioned some of his work, what he was doing, but I always ... I always dismissed it as nothing. I always thought I was above him, that what he did was nothing in comparison to what I did. Lyria wanted me to help Sam at some point, but ... I told her no, I told her I was busy and that I had to go on a mission the next week. We had a big fight and I left her in tears. I'll never forget her heartbroken face, her cries and pain ... I never got to talk to her again. When I came back ... she was dead. And so was our child."

Aelin closed her eyes and shuddered at the pain that flashed in Rowan's eyes. Lyria ... Sam ... so many deaths at their account. But no more. She would never let anyone else die because of her, because of her family.

Aelin lifted her gaze to meet his and said. "We will avenge them."

Rowan shook his head. "Maybe there's no possible way. Maybe all I've been doing ... maybe it was all for nothing. I've been trying for years and nothing has ever come out of it. Maybe there is truly no hope. Maybe it's time to give up."

Aelin felt her feet moving towards Rowan, as if some invisible force drew them together. He stared at her as she neared, his eyes a turmoil of emotions. Aelin quietly stopped before him and lifted her hand to stroke his beautiful face. He shuddered. "I thought giving up was for cowards."

He muttered softly. "Maybe I am a coward."

Aelin shook her head. "No, you aren't. You are just tired. Tired of fighting hard for nothing, tired of seeing only death around you ..." She gulped. "I understand that feeling. I've been ignoring and running away from it: the pain, the guilt, the desperation for so long I can't even remember. And you know what? It's useless because no matter what you do, your past is not going to change. So we can't back down. We must dry our tears, step forwards and keep fighting. We have to catch the bastard who did this to us."

Rowan closed his eyes and Aelin let her hand fall to her side. He was silent for a few moments before asking, "and what do you suggest we do?"

Aelin exhaled. "We should stop reduce the number of hours we dedicate to my training and start to actually do something."

Rowan lifted his brow. "Like what?"

Aelin shrugged. "We could go check my sister's apartment."

Rowan rolled his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. "We _already_ did that. There was nothing useful in her room."

"Perhaps because you didn't know where to look."

Rowsn narrowed his eyes and she smiled. "My sister was a genius. If what you claim is true, if she truly knew they were coming for her she'd have left something. Something to the eyes of those who knew her that meant something. Something that would lead straight to her assassin or ... whoever is behind this."

Rowan shook his head in quiet disbelief. "If you knew that, why didn't you do anything before? Why wait until now?"

"I thought she had committed suicide and I was so heartbroken at that time that I ... I couldn't stand to see her room, her belongings. And maybe ... maybe I was supposed to wait for you."

Rowan blinked, surprised. She took his hand and held it to her heart. She whispered, with fierce determination. "We will fix this Rowan and we'll do it together."

Rowan just stared at her, something like hope beginning to shine in his eyes. "To whatever end?"

"I claim you as my partner in crime, Rowan Whitehorn. So be prepared."

He snorted and walked away, but Aelin couldn't help but feel something had changed between them. As if a bond had been created, something deeper than they both wanted to admit.

And Aelin Ashryver Galathynius smiled as she gathered her belongings and followed Rowan right to her sister's apartment.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for taking so long to write this chapter, but it came out longer than I expected. I hope you all enjoy it :D

##### Nesta's POV      

Nesta grunted in frustration. She had been staring at the same page of her book for nearly an hour and the worst part was that it had been all for nothing. She couldn’t understand what it said. In fact, she hadn’t been able to make it past the first paragraph. No matter how hard she tried lately she couldn't concentrate on what she was doing and she felt as if were staring at a paper full of hieroglyphs, full of words with no meaning at all.

And what made her even more annoyed was the reason _why_ she was like this. She would never admit it out loud to anyone, but ... she knew it had something to do with that jerk she had met the other day.

That boy had become her obsession. She couldn't help but be observant all the time, on the lookout for that boy with those startling amber eyes and that annoying smirk.

She obviously hadn’t believed him when he had told her they would meet again. And yet ... here she sat at the library making sure every boy who walked by wasn't _him_.

Nesta closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose frustrated at her own stupidity. She didn't want to be like this ... she didn’t want to become one of those obnoxious girls who fell in love and became dumb idiots. She was Nesta Archeron, a girl most were afraid of for her fiery temper and icy demeanour. She couldn’t ... no, she _wouldn't_ be reduced to that. Especially not for a boy she was sure she would never see again.

Nesta stood up and closed her textbook.  She wasn't going to make any progress here as the whole place was teeming with distractions. If she was going to waste time, she might as well do it at home on more important things. Like YouTube or TV.

Nesta quickly gathered her belongings and left the place. The library was relatively close to her house and it only took her 15 minutes to get there. She didn't have the tendency to go though. She preferred the solitude and quietness of her room rather than the constant bickering of other students, but for once she had decided to try it out of pure desperation.

Because she couldn't stop thinking about that stupid boy with that stupid smirk and his stupid words.

_Haven't you considered that maybe I am trying to flirt with you because I like you? That the only reason I'm talking to you is because I am clearly interested in you?_

_This isn't over, just so you know._

_I'm going to make you fall in love with me._

Nesta shuddered. He had been lying obviously. He had been making fun of her. He had only been seeking for some girl to play with and she had fallen right into her trap. And yet ...

_I haven't flirted with anyone else by the way. Not today, not a week ago. Just you._

For some reason she wanted it to be real. She wanted to know how that feel.

Nesta startled as she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. She picked it out only to see a message from Feyre popping up in the screen.

**_Feyre: When are you coming home?_ **

**_Give me two more minutes. I'm on my way. Is everything alright? Do you need anything?_ **

Feyre hardly ever messaged her unless she needed something. Or something unusual had happened or needed to be fixed. Nesta frowned.

**_Feyre: Nothing. I'll just wait for you here._ **

Nesta stared at her phone shaking her head. She didn't know what to make of _that_. She was completely sure something was up, but she didn't know what. Not that it mattered: if it bothered her sister, she would deal with it, she would do whatever it took to make the problem disappear.

She quickened her pace, walking swiftly through the streets crowded with people as the sun disappeared through the horizon. She saw her house in the distance and ran straight to it. She took her keys out of her pocket and quickly unlocked the door.

"Feyre?" She asked while she closed the front door behind her and left her bag on the floor. She looked around, but nothing seemed out of order. There was only silence in the house so she asked again, "Feyre? Are you in here?"

"Nesta?" Feyre's footsteps sounded upstairs before she came into view. She looked down at her, something like nervousness all over her expression. "Hi."

Nesta narrowed her eyes as she surveyed her sister. Something was off. "Is everything alright?"

Feyre nodded. "Yeah. Why wouldn't everything be alright?"

Nesta shrugged. "No idea. That's why I asked."

Feyre bit her lip. Nesta just looked at her, bracing herself for whatever that was about to come off her mouth. It seemed like an eternity before Feyre stammered, "okay, look. I need to ask you something."

Nesta looked straight at her and nodded. "Go ahead then."

Feyre gulped. "Would ... would you go out with me and ... and a friend tonight?"

Nesta blinked. She hadn't been expecting that. "Tonight?"

Feyre nodded and Nesta frowned. "Tomorrow we have classes. As much as I'd love to go out and spend the night out partying, I don't think it's wise."

"It's not a party ... it's a small concert. It shouldn't take longer than two hours. We'd get home before 9-10 PM."

Nesta opened her mouth then closed it again. She stared at her sister quietly before shaking her head. "Feyre ... I don't know."

Feyre grimaced. "Please, Nesta. I need you to come."

Nesta arched her brow. "What do you mean you need me to come?"

Feyre bit her lip and shook her head. "It's ... complicated."

"Complicated as in?"

"Complicated as in if Tamlin or any of his cronies sees her out enjoying herself with someone as dazzling and as gracious as me, they might get the wrong idea and who knows the punishment they might have in store for her."

Nesta startled at the sound of Rhysand's voice. He had appeared right next to Feyre, a shadow ready to strike. Nesta shook her head and growled. "What _on earth_ are you doing here?"

He smirked. "Feyre darling let me in so slow your rockets, Archeron."

Nesta stared at her sister and crossed her arms, waiting for an explanation.  Feyre merely glared at Rhysand who shrugged in return. She then turned to me and said. "Things have ... changed over the course of these two weeks."

"What do you mean _changed_?"

Feyre just shook her head. "Rhysand and I are friends I guess."

Rhysand laughed softly by her side. "You _guess_?"

Feyre simply ignored him. "Today's been rather rough for me and he proposed we could go out to a concert in which some of his friends are playing. I think it'd be fun, but I need you to come so that if someone finds out, I can say I was with you and not with him."

Nesta shook her head. "Because Tamlin would freak out?"

Feyre grimaced while Rhysand said quietly. "You know he wouldn't only freak out."

Nesta gulped. _That_ she knew. If Tamlin found out Rhysand and Feyre were friends ... the consequences for her sister would be terrible. "Are you sure this is worth it?"

"Going out? Yeah, actually I -"

"No, I meant befriending Rhysand." Nesta then looked at Rhysand. "I don't mean to sound offensive, but you're probably the person Tamlin hates the most. If anyone _ever_ saw you two interacting or acknowledging each other you would certainly suffer the consequences, Feyre."

Feyre's face paled slightly. She knew what she had done was a low blow, but Feyre needed to consider what she was getting into because if Tamlin ever found it ... he would certainly see it as a affront and the mere thought of what he would do made her blood run cold.

Rhysand's expression had become distant, cold ... _worried_ as if he were truly concerned for her sister. And maybe he was. She still remembered his last words to her that day in the parking lot.

_I'd sooner kill Tamlin than see her hurt._

Maybe he hadn't been lying. Maybe he would truly murder Tamlin if her sister's life was at stake. And maybe that made him a better option than Tamlin.

Finally, her sister spoke breaking the silence. "I don't care what Tamlin says, he can't choose for me. This is my life, my choices and I should be the one to make them. Rhysand is my friend, he has proven that to me and I don't care what the rest of the world says. They can go to hell for all I care."

Feyre's expression had turned fierce and her eyes were burning with intensity when Nesta looked at them. It's been a while since she had last seen Feyre look so vivid, so alive and ... Nesta felt relieved. Relieved because despite all that was happening to her, Feyre was still her sister. And if Rhysand was the one giving her the strength to keep on ... she wouldn't take him away from her.

So Nesta smiled wickedly and said, "then screw it. _Let's go_."

...........................................................................................

Velaris was a rather small locale, but it was bursting with life. It was impressive the number of people that fit in such a limited space. There was a group of people chattering in the corner and a couple kissing near the toilet. You had a bunch of veterans playing cards in one table and a group of girls ogling several boys that were near the bar. The whole place felt right somehow, quiet in spite of all the gathering people. Nesta wondered how it was possible they had never been here before, how it was possible that they had missed it.

Rhysand was walking ahead with his arm linked with Feyre's. He was whispering something in Feyre's ear Nesta couldn't hear, but that made Feyre smile. She had been shocked when Feyre had told her she and Rhysand were friends, but after seeing both of them talk during the car ride here ... she understood. They were two sides of the same leaf ... they felt right together. Just by seeing them walk you could see there was something in them that fit and Nesta was glad Feyre had found someone like him, that she had given Rhysand a chance in a moment when she so desperately needed a friend.

Suddenly, Feyre turned to her, a soft smile on her lips and asked, "where do you want to sit?"

Nesta shrugged. "We could just hang by the counter I guess."

Feyre nodded and she and Rhysand started to go straight to the bar, but before they could make it a step a high pitched voice from the back screamed, "Rhys! Over here!"

Nesta turned to find Mor waving at them from one of the tables. When she saw Feyre and Rhysand together she narrowed her eyes and her face went from enthusiastic to incredulous.

Feyre smiled and waved while Rhysand went to talk to her cousin. Nesta just stood there, watching as Mor hugged Rhysand and a knowing smile started to appear on her face. Nesta laughed softly and she leaned in to whisper to Feyre. "Look at that, you managed to surprise Mor."

Feyre snorted. "I guess I did."

Nesta shook her head softly, her expression turning serious when she asked. "Did anyone know about this or were you truly going to keep it from everyone?"

Feyre's smile vanished and she lowered her gaze a bit as she said, "I didn't want to get you involved, I guess. In case anything happened and Tamlin found out."

Nesta rolled her eyes. "If Tamlin ever found out he wouldn't care whether I knew or not and you know that."

Feyre stayed quiet as she watched Rhysand talking quietly to her cousin. Nesta looked at her sister and added softly. "You don't owe me an explanation. Honestly, I'm glad you're talking to someone right now. I just wish you'd trust me enough to tell me. That's all."

Feyre blinked and opened her mouth to answer then closed it. She finally said. "I didn't mean it that way. I trust you, Nesta."

Nesta arched her brow and Feyre kept on. "Rhysand and I became friends in a rather strange way. One day he confronted about the project and the solution Tamlin had imposed to prevent us from talking and it lead to a big argument where both of us said pretty mean things. But he ... apologised and for some mysterious reason when he asked me to become his friend I said yes." Feyre laughed softly and continued. "He texted me that night and from there on we exchanged lots of messages and just ... talked. I think I needed that. You are my sister and I know you are there for me and that you love me, but ... for some reason Rhysand just gets me better that anyone else. I feel understood when I'm with him. And ... I know this whole situation is hurting you, Nesta. And I hate to see you suffering because of me. I didn't want to add more pressure to your back."

Nesta shook her head. "Don't make it sound as if I consider you a burden."

"I know you don't, but I can't help but feel I am."

"Well, don't because you are not. I thought we had cleared that up the other day. You can always talk to me Feyre, always. Ask me anything and I'll do it. That's what sisters are for. That's what _family_ is for."

Feyre looked sideways at her and smiled. "That reminds me ... you never got to tell me about that mysterious boy."

Nesta blushed slightly and said. "Don't change the subject, we aren't talking about me."

Feyre snorted. She opened her mouth to say something, but she was interrupted by a low voice behind them. "I told you we would meet again, wildcat."

Nesta's heart stopped dead in her chest and for a moment she was rendered speechless. It was her sister the one who arched her brow and asked, "and you are?"

Cassian smirked and held out his hand. "I'm Cassian, the _mysterious_ boy. Nice to meet you."

Feyre's mouth fell open. Nesta looked at him and she blushed slightly. She managed to get out, "what are you doing here?"

Cassian took his hand back and lifted his shoulder in a half shrug. "My brother is replacing one of the members of a band that's going to play afterwards. And," he added as he jerked his head in the direction of Rhysand and Mor who were still chatting by the table, "I've come to see those two."

Nesta narrowed her eyes. "You know Rhysand?"

Cassian smirked and nodded. "For quite a while actually."

Feyre snorted and Nesta turned her head to look at her. Feyre was staring at her, something like mix of amusement, relief and wickedness crossing over her features. All of a sudden, she muttered. "Well, Cassian, it was awesome to meet you. I have to go talk to Rhysand and Mor, but why don't you and Nesta stay here to talk for a bit? It seems both of you have some catch-up to do."

And Nesta stared in disbelief as her sister took one last look at her, winked and staggered towards Rhysand and Mor leaving her wholly alone.

She was going to kill her.

No, she was going to have her tortured and then she'd kill her. _Slowly_.

Cassian laughed softly. "I think I like your sister."

"Oh, shut up."

Cassian smiled. Then he glanced over at her and said, "you look amazing by the way."

Nesta felt herself blushing in embarrassment. She was wearing some tight jeans and a sleeveless V-neck black blouse that sterilized her figure, making her look slimmer and older. She didn't answer immediately, making Cassian smile knowingly. "I missed you, Nesta."

Nesta looked sideways at him. "We _met_ a few weeks ago. We have only talked _once_."

"I guess you had a profound impact upon my person."

Nesta glared at him and Cassian smirked wickedly. She sighed in exasperation. "Can't you stop flirting for a second? _Please?_ "

Cassian shook his head in amusement. "Okay, as you wish. What don't you tell me where," he continued, jerking his thumb toward Rhysand and Mor, who were currently talking to her sister and another guy she didn't know, "you met those two."

Nesta sighed. "Mor is one of my best friends at school. And Rhysand ... well, I'm not sure where we stand right now."

Cassian laughed. "Rhysand isn't one for first impressions. Give him a few days though and he'll win you over."

Nesta raised her brow. "Like you are?"

At that, Cassian's smile turned devilish. He looked at her, intently, his amber eyes burning like fire and making her insides melt.  Nesta looked away quickly and changed the subject, "do you know who's that guy who's with them now?"

"That's my brother, Azriel."

"He seems to like Mor." _And Mor seems to like him back_ , she thought, but she didn't say it out loud. She was standing really close to him and in spite of the distance, Nesta could see her eyes gleaming with happiness and devotion. She couldn't read Azriel, but from the look of it, the spark in his eyes, his soft smiles ... she didn't think Mor was the only one infatuated.

Cassian nodded. "He does. He has for a year, ever since they met."

"Then why isn't he ... _doing anything_?"

Cassian smiled softly. "Not everyone has my flirting skills, wildcat."

Nesta rolled her eyes. "What flirting skills?"

Cassian chuckled. "That's my girl, right through the heart."

It was Nesta turned to smile. Suddenly, Mor noticed her and she started to wave her hand wildly in her direction. Nesta waved back and said. "We should go with them."

Cassian just stared at her as she walked straight to the crowd to say hi to her friend.

...........................................................................................

"Again, I told you, _that_ was not my fault!"

Nesta, as well as everyone else at the table, roared with laughter. Feyre was the only one who managed to stay reign herself enough to ask. "Then _who_ was it?"

Mor was shaking her head, laughing so hard little streams of salty tears started running down her cheeks. "Do you think I know? I woke up, utterly naked in Erin's garden with his parents looking down at me. If I had known who had done that to me, I'd have made him pay already!"

Nesta shook her head and smiled broadly and without restraints. She hadn't enjoyed herself so much in a really long time. She hadn't _felt_ this good in a really long time. "Well, what are you waiting for them?"

Mor punched her by the side. "Will you help me? Because I need some backup. Every heroine needs some backup."

"I'm not backup. I'm bloody dynamite. A wave of destruction _at your service_."

Another round of laughter followed that statement. Rhysand and Feyre started to talk to each other and Nesta witnessed her sister's face soften. She could see something was going on between those two, something maybe they weren't ready to acknowledge yet, but ... that they would when the time was right.

Nesta started to get up. "I'm going to order another beer. Does anyone want anything?"

Mor turned to her. "Can you bring me another one for me too?"

Nesta shook her head. "Mor, you've had _four_ already."

Rhysand interceded. "Are you sure the whole waking-naked-in-the-garden situation wasn't your fault, sweet cousin?"

Mor's head turned and she started to bicker again with Rhysand, whose wicked smile suggested he was enjoying himself.

Nesta just got up and started to walk towards the counter, but suddenly she felt someone grabbing her by the arm. It was Cassian who had started to get up as well. "Wait, let me go with you."

Nesta just nodded as he got up and started to make his way through the crowd of people. Several people turned their heads to say something to him, to pat him on the back or to give him a high-five and Cassian always found something to say in return that made them smile. Cassian was such an outgoing person, good-humoured and easy to be with. They haven' talked much after that first conversation, but she had seen him talk in the group: his easy way of talking to Mor, his constant bickering with Rhysand, his jokes with his brother, his direct but respectful way of speaking to her sister ... and she realised, a little belatedly, that her sister wasn't the only one who was starting to feel confusing things.

Cassian nudged at her and asked. "So, are you having a good time?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I'm glad."

Cassian didn't say anything else and she sighed. Maybe ... maybe she could try too. "Ehhh ...  and you?"

"And me, what?"

"Are you having a good time?"

Cassian smiled, pleased. "Yeah. It's been a while since I last laughed this much actually."

Nesta arched her brow and he simply shook his head. "It's a long story."

Nesta looked at him and somehow ... she understood. Sometimes there things you just didn't want to talk about because they hurt and they did no good when you wanted to forget. She simply said, "I'm glad you're better now. And ... if you ever need someone to talk about it, I'm here for you. If ... if you want."

He looked at her then, his eyes a bright gold that shone in the dimness of the room as he smiled, making the rest of the world disappear. Nesta's heart started to race wildly in her chest and she felt vibrant with an emotion she couldn't identify. Their eyes locked and she was so focused on Cassian that she startled when she heard someone else snort by her side.

"Look at that, it seems our top player has a new toy to play with. _Interesting_."

Nesta turned her head to find another man staring down at her. He was clearly checking her out, looking at her with such insolence she felt the urge to bristle. "I thought you preferred them blond. Although I have to admit this one is really good. Nice catch."

Cassian's eyes burn with impertinence, but it was Nesta the one who said. "First, I'm nobody's toy and second if you don't want to get kicked in the balls hard enough to make them fall off I suggest you go annoy another chick with less brains, alright?"

The man looked taken aback for a second before roaring in laughter. He turned over to Cassian. "This one has quite a character."

Cassian simply glared at him and said, "she means what she says Tomas, you should be more careful."

Tomas just kept looking at her, making her blush with anger. He smiled with malice as he said. "I like women with character, they make everything more interesting."

"And bloody. _Don't forget_."

Tomas just laughed. "And your name is?"

"Not your business."

"Oh, don't be so dull. I'm sure we could have some great time together. What does Cassian have that I don't?"

Nesta narrowed her gaze, but it was Cassian the one who said. "Manners. Respect. Beauty. Do you want me to keep going?"

Tomas's gaze went dark when it collided with Cassian's. "You think you're better than me?"

Cassian's glare was bright with anger as he said, "oh no. I _know_ I'm better than you. And you should go before I decide to _kick you out_."

Tomas sneered and his gaze slid back to Nesta. He stared at her, considering. All of a sudden, he took a piece of paper and a pen and began writing something. When he was done he gave her the paper and she heard Cassian growl. _His phone number_. He was giving her _his phone number._ "When you are done with this idiot, which you will as soon as he switches you for another girl, call me and I'll prove to you which one is better."

Nesta watched him as he walked away, not ever looking back. She turned to Cassian as rage warmed her veins. "What was that about?"

Cassian slid his gaze towards her and she could see everything that was swelling there: anger, exasperation, fury. He took a deep breath and answered. "It doesn't matter. Give me the paper and I'll throw it away."

Nesta looked at the paper with the phone number. She wasn't ever going to call Tomas, she knew that. And yet ... "Why, are you worried I'll call him when you're done playing with me?"

Cassian's expression morphed from anger to disbelief and then back to anger. "Are you being serious right now? One word from that bastard and you automatically go back to thinking I'm a jerk? I thought we were past that. I didn't know you were so gullible, Nesta. I'm kind of disappointed."

Something cracked inside of Nesta and she felt her rage slip out. "Why do you find it so weird when all you've done so far is flirt shamelessly and crack jokes every once in a while? What impression should I have of you? Nothing has changed between us. You are still that jerk I met at a restaurant who doesn't even know how to use his brain."

Cassian clenched his jaw and muttered. "At least I'm not some spoiled, bad-tempered girl who spits at everyone who's around her just because she's afraid of feeling."

Nesta stared at him as something cold and sharp made her way down her spine and set in her belly making her numb. She shook her head as tears started to gather at the back of her eyes. She said with as much hatred as she could muster." _Go to hell_."

She turned to leave. She _needed_ to leave. She needed to get out of that place or else she would break. But she felt Cassian grabbing her by the arm, pinning her down once more. " _Let me go_."

She turned to look at him. He looked pale, his expression hurt and remorseful. "Wait, Nesta. I'm sorry, I didn't mean -"

"No. _Let me go_. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you. _Ever again_."

Cassian winced. "Nesta -"

"And if I want to call Tomas, I will. I will do whatever I want because this is _my_ life and I'm not _yours_. Do you understand?"

At that, Cassian's expression turned to ice. "You are not calling Tomas. Not now, not ever. Do you understand?" Nesta clenched her jaw. She could feel her snarl on her tongue, but Cassian kept on. "I don't care if you're mad at me, I don't care if you hate me or despise me for it, but I'm not letting you go on a date with Tomas."

" _I'm not asking for your permission_."

"Do you know what he likes to do?" Cassian's eyes were burning with hatred as he said. "Tomas is a real player. He likes to have sex with girls with or _without_ their consent just to satisfy his own disgusting desires and when he's done with them or when he gets bored of them, he starts all over again with a new prey. That's what he does. Do you truly want to get involved with someone like him?"

Nesta was unable to speak. She stared at him, as his eyes melted into liquid gold. She felt weak staring at him and she shook her head. She needed to get away, to _stay away_. "I'll do whatever I like. It's my decision."

Something flashed in his eyes. "Nesta -"

But she didn't listen. She just kept walking and this time, he let her go.


	10. Chapter 10

##### Aelin's POV

When Aelin entered her sister's apartment she came to halt, completely taken aback by what she was seeing. The living room was a mess, the table and chairs broken along with a small library whose books were all over the floor, their spines broken and their pages ripped. The TV was crashed, its screen broken into tiny crystals that were all over the room and the sofa had been cut, probably to verify there wasn't anything of importance inside of it.

Aelin took into the details as rage started to build inside of her. They had broken into her sister's apartment. They had murdered her _in cold blood_ and then they had come to make sure there were no loose ends, to make sure her death wouldn't cause them any more trouble. To make sure her death became a tragedy, an average suicide of some misunderstood girl ... and not an assassination.

_I will make them pay_ , she promised _. I will make them pay for everything they have done. For every death they had caused, for every drop of pain they had generated, for every tear that had been shed ... they will pay, with blood and darkness_.

She heard Rowan cursing as he stepped in behind her and took into the details of the scene as well. Aelin didn't even blink in acknowledgement as she rushed towards her sister's bedroom to find the exact same scenario repeating itself.

There was nothing left. They had left nothing for them to find.

Or so they thought.

Aelin knelt, searching. She knew her sister would never leave her most treasured things out in the open. _If anyone is going to rob me_ , she had once told her, _they should at least work for it_. Nehemia had to have hidden her belongings somewhere around here, in a completely unexpected place, a compartment nobody would ever think of looking. But she had to find it. She had to -

"Aelin."

Aelin's back was turned to Rowan. She didn't even bother to look at him as she kept looking, as she kept fighting her way through the mess around her. "What?"

"What are you doing?"

Aelin huffed, exasperated. "What do you think I'm doing? I'm looking for ... for her _stuff_. It must be somewhere."

"What _stuff_?"

"I ... I don't know. Not yet. But ..." Aelin sighed as she picked and threw another of her sister's dresses out of the way. "Just give me time, okay? I will find it. Just -"

"Aelin."

"It will be just a -"

" _Aelin_." Rowan's voice was stern. "Aelin, look at me."

Aelin slowly moved her head towards him. He was standing by the door with his arms crossed, his eyes no longer bright, but obscure as a new kind of ache made its way to his heart. In them there was sadness and hopelessness, there was exhaustion and frustration and she knew with absolute clarity that her eyes showed the exact same things.

They stared at each other as they let everything sink in: they had been too late. It didn't matter what those monsters had come for, they had destroyed everything in the process. Whatever her sister might have hidden had to have been found or destroyed already. There was _nothing_ left to do. There was _nothing_ they could do.

Aelin shook her head as she sat down on the floor. A few moments later, she heard Rowan moving to sit right in front of her. There might have been tears in her eyes as he lifted her face to his. He stared at her, his eyes shimmering as he whispered, "it's not your fault, Aelin."

Aelin's face remained impassive as her tears fell down her cheeks. "Then whose fault is it?"

"Nobody's."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"Aelin, stop. Not everything has to be your fault. You're not to blame for _every single thing_ that has happened in these past years."

She clenched her fists. "But it _is_ my fault. I should have been faster. I should have tried harder. Maybe if I had, we wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe -"

"We don't know what might have happened if you had intervened. You might have solved the problem or you might have died trying, who knows? But now it's not the time to think about the _what ifs_ , it's time to act and stop mourning. Didn't you just said that a few minutes ago?"

Aelin grimaced. "Yes, but -"

"Is it what you said or not?"

Aelin glared at him, her fiery golden eyes sparkling with annoyance. She sighed as she drew back from him. " _Yes_ , I said that."

"Good. And now that that's settled ... do you think we _still_ have the possibility of finding something in here or not?"

Aelin raked her fingers through her hair and bit her lip. She stayed quiet for a while before saying, "I don't know. Maybe. Nehemia liked to hide her things in case anyone ever tried to rob her, but what they'd done ... it is _too much_."

Rowan looked around the room. "What did she like to do?"

Aelin arched her brow. "Why do you care?"

"Because it might lead to something. You have told me that your sister was a genius. If she knew they were coming for her, she might have changed her hiding spot, she might have ... I don't know, left her things in another place. But if that's the case it's quite possible that she also decided to leave something to make sure someone found them. And by someone I mean, _you_."

Aelin's mouth dried as she understood what he meant. "And do you think it's possible that message has survived this ... mess?"

Rowan shrugged. "Maybe. We can't be sure, but ... it's worth the shot."

Aelin took a deep breath in. She was quiet for a few seconds before lifting her gaze to Rowan's and muttering, "she was an artist. She loved painting and creating to the point that anything her hand touched turned into art. Her drawings were vibrant and magical, something from another world. They ... they spoke to you." Aelin's chest constricted as she remembered, as she remembered what her sister was like, as she remembered what it felt to be with her.

"Do you think she might have left a message in one of her drawings?"

"It's a possibility."

Rowan nodded. "Anything else?"

Aelin shook her head. "I don't know. She read a lot too, but I think that was more for me than for her."

Rowan arched his brow. "What do you mean?"

"She didn't like reading. At least, not much. When we were little she wouldn't touch a book, it was so irritating." She laughed a little, but it sounded pained, heartbroken. "One day I decided to bring her to my room to read with me and we spent the entire afternoon reading and drinking hot chocolate. It was amazing. From there on she did read, but always with me. We always find a moment to read together, to share our mutual love for books I guess."

Rowan's lips tugged a little at the corners as she continued. "One day I made her read _Pride & Prejudice_ by Jane Austen and she fell in love with it. She must have read it a thousand times, she was truly _obsessed_ with that book. She -"

Aelin stopped mid-sentence as a thought came to her. She lifted her gaze to meet Rowan's whose eyes were flashing with understanding and determination.

The book. Not any book, but _Pride and Prejuice_.

If her sister had hidden something, the clue would be in that book because that book represented _them_. Their love for one another. The fact that, even though they were different, they were indeed one and the same.

She stood up and quickly rushed towards the living room where she knew her sister kept her books. She felt Rowan trailing right behind her and she muttered, "you take care of the left side and I take care of the right side, okay?"

Rowan nodded and both of them started to make their way around the mess that was the living room. It had been left in pieces, so different from what it used to be. Aelin kept looking at the titles of the books splattered around, but she couldn't find the book. Most of them were so broken they were hard to identify and that sent terror down her spine. _What if it was gone? What if they had found it and had got rid of it?_ She was starting to get desperate, anxious when suddenly -

" _Here_."

Aelin turned her head to Rowan, whose face was gleaming with contentment. And then she saw it. It looked exactly the way she remembered, although perhaps a little bit more damaged. The front and back page were ripped, but the rest looked mostly intact if not old. Something cracked in her chest at the sight of it.

"Give it to me. Let me see it."

Something on Rowan's eyes swelled as he got up and gave her the book. She grabbed, almost afraid, as if it were going to disappear right in front of her. She felt a tear sliding down her cheek, but she smiled. Relieved. Happy. "I can't believe we found it."

She couldn't see Rowan, but something in the way he stood told her he was happy too, for her, even though he'd never tell he out loud. He whispered, "you should open it. Let's see if all this was worth it."

And she did. She opened it with extreme care. Most of the pages were jagged, but it looked better than most of the books around them. She started to turn the pages, searching again for any words, any drawings ... _anything_ that might mean that her sister had left her a message in here. She kept turning pages, her anxiety increasing each minute that passed, before she felt something odd in one of them.

"Rowan, look." She grabbed the page with delicacy. The page itself look normal, unless you bothered to look closer and noticed its slightly increased weight and abnormal touch. If you noticed that, it was easy to realise the obvious: someone had joined two of the pages.

Rowan nodded and grabbed the book. With a delicacy and skill that left her amazed he managed to get between the both pages to separate them. He made his way through it slowly, but with resolve. When he was done, both of them stared at the pages with absolute admiration.

She had been serious when she had told Rowan her sister's drawings spoke to one's soul. Nehemia had drawn her own eyes, a brown so rich and intense it left her speechless. It was as if she were staring at her, as if somehow she had managed to capture her own essence in her drawing.

And below, with tenderness and care, Nehemia had written: _It is only with the eye that one can see rightly._

Aelin stared at it, along with Rowan whose frown had deepened while he took into the gorgeous drawing. He asked, "do you know what that means?"

Aelin laughed softly, surprised to see those words once again. "I think she's referring to something our Mother once said. We had been complaining about some exams we had that week and I remembered I started screaming in frustration because I got to a point where I couldn't understand anything that was in front of me while Nehemia cried hopelessly. When our Mother came in and saw the scene unravelling she quietly went to her room and came back with a little necklace. The Eye of Elena, she called it. She sat both of us down on the couch and said: _Girls, crying and screaming are no way of solving problems. But you could try with this._ And she gave us the necklace. I remember I just stood there, frowning and wondering if she had gone mad. I asked to her: _And how can a necklace help me pass a subject?_ And then she answered: _Because it is only with the eye, with this eye, that one can see rightly. It holds all the answers. Don't ever forget._ "

Rowan shook his head, a bewildered smile on his face. "And did you pass?"

Aelin blushed. "I didn't use it because I don't believe in such things, but Nehemia did. And I did fail while she passed, but I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with the necklace."

Rowan shook his head, clearly amused. "Well, this is something at least. Do you know where is the necklace? Do you have it?"

At that, Aelin grimaced. "Well ... ehhhh ... maybe."

Rowan looked at her sideways. "What do you mean, _maybe_?"

"I might have given it to my ex-boyfriend ... when we were dating, obviously. He was a police agent and I wanted him to be safe, I guess and since it was supposed to solve all your answers and troublesome situations ..."

Rowan stayed quiet for a few seconds before saying. "You can ask it back. It's not such a big deal."

Aelin shook her head. "You don't understand. We broke up three weeks ago or so."

"Oh."

Aelin sighed as she raked her fingers through her hair. Rowan took into her expression and muttered. "We can wait, if it still feels awkward to talk to him. We can -"

"No, no. I can't do that. It's not like I can run away from him forever. It's just ... his last words to me were rather harsh and ... they still stung. Seeing him _hurts_."

Rowan looked at her, his eyes warm and open for once. He quietly asked, "what did he say?"

If it had been anyone else, she wouldn't have told them. But this was Rowan, her friend, her partner in crime ... and maybe that's why she told him, detail by detail, word by word, what had happened that night.

She just looked at her when she was done and while his face betrayed nothing, she could swear she saw murder in his eyes. Finally, he whispered, "he was probably hurt too. And angry. He probably didn't mean to say what he said."

"I didn't know I was hurting him so much. I didn't know ... I didn't know my own misery was affecting him like that. If I had known I would have tried to change. Maybe this whole situation was my fault."

"Maybe it was, partly, but it wasn't wholly yours." She frowned at that and he kept on. "Look ... some relationships can't stand the course of time. It's just the way it is. Even if you love your partner with your whole heart, sometimes it's not enough. And then ... you can fall out of love too. You can stop loving your partner and then ... there's usually no coming back, no matter how hard you try." Rowan closed his eyes. "Sometimes it's better to let them go, to set them free because ... deep down, within your heart, you know it's the right thing to do. They will likely be angry because they don't understand what you're doing. They don't understand that, in spite of everything, the only thing you want is their happiness. You want to see them happy with the right person, a person you know it's not you, even if they cannot see it. Ending a relationship isn't always a bad thing, but something that needs to happen in order to find a better thing, a better life ... and someone else who fills your heart again."

Aelin just stared at him and softly muttered. "It looks you know a lot about this."

Rowan looked at her and sighed. "There were several times I considered breaking up with Lyria, but I never did. I felt like I owed her because I had wrecked her life in so many ways ... but sometimes I still wonder if I should have. She deserved the best life could give her and now that she's gone ... maybe she deserved more than me. She deserved someone devoted to her ... and I wasn't that person."

Aelin shook her head. "Rowan -"

"No, Aelin. I should have and now I will regret it forever. Lyria deserved more. She always did and I was too selfish to ever see it."

They stayed quiet, letting the silence reign in the room. Aelin stared at Rowan as she drank into the details of him. On the outside, he looked as hard as a rock and as cold as an iceberg, but on the inside ... there were so many demons hunting his heart, his mind. Probably as many as she had. They had spent so much time trapped in the darkness that they had difficulty finding again the light, but perhaps they could do it ... if they had one another.

"Together."

"What?"

"We will come back from out losses. We are going to heal, Rowan. You and I ... and we'll do it together. We'll find our way back, together."

Rowan's face was unreadable as he looked at her. It was difficult to read him, she had realised, and so she waited. Each minute that passed felt like an eternity before he finally conceded. "Together, then."

Aelin smile pleased. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it lightly. "You know, when you loosen up you're not so bad. I like this Rowan better than the other one."

Rowan shook his head, but there was a small smile on his face. So she kept on, her grin turning devilish as she said, "I wish we had some wine and glasses to toast to our new weird friendship."

Rowan arched his brow, clearly amused. "Who said we're _friends_?"

Aelin just laughed. "I don't care what you say, Rowan. You're stuck with me from now on."

When Rowan's stare met her own she felt a warmth spread within her chest that made her feel lighter than she had ever felt. And she knew that, whatever this thing was between, it was about to change both of their lives.

Rowan started to shake his head. "Okay, _friend_. Let's go find that necklace."

Aelin smiled, no longer afraid. "Lead the way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? Did you like it? Who is, for now, your favourite pairing? Please tell me in the comments :D
> 
> P.S. If you ever want to say anything to me and you don't feel like leaving a comment, you can always find me on Tumblr, under the same URL. Anyway, I hope you're having a great day!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO UPDATE THIS CHAPTER! For some reason, it's taken me forever to finish it. I hope you find it worth it.

##### Nesta's POV

Nesta wove her way through the school corridors swarming with students to Feyre's locker. They had agreed to meet there once their classes were over to go find Elain and Mor, who had finished their classes a while ago and were waiting for them in a nearby café. This morning Feyre had decided to have lunch with them instead of going off with Tamlin. If it had been any other day, she would have wondered how that conversation between them had gone knowing Tamlin wouldn't take it lightly to be dumped like that, but today ... today she didn't have the energy to.

Weary and worn out, Nesta walked slowly through the crowd. After her horrible brawl with Cassian yesterday, she hadn't been able to sleep throughout the whole night. His words had resonated through her head like blades, making her insides churn.

  _At least I'm not some spoiled, bad-tempered girl who spits at everyone who's around her just because she's afraid of feeling._

Nesta's eyes filled with tears and she closed them, hating her weakness, hating that she couldn’t control her wayward emotions. Cassian's words had been like an arrow piercing her heart, like a lightning bolt descending right from the sky. They had struck her and something within her had broken at the impact of them.

She loathed herself for being so foolish, for being so innocent ... for _falling in love_ with someone like him. Because now she was confident that that's what had happened: she had fallen in love with him. She loved Cassian more than she had ever loved anyone before.

Twenty minutes later after their fight, Feyre had come out the bar's front door only to find her sitting quietly on the pavement, watching the cars drive by. She had plopped down beside her, not saying anything, giving her time to sort out her emotions. But she hadn't found anything to say, she hadn't know _what_ to say. It wasn't as if she could blame Cassian when most of the fight had been her fault. Her inability to trust others,  her constant impulse to create a fight when she felt cornered ... or when she felt things she was _scared_ of feeling.

The worst part was the Cassian had been _right_. She was scared of feeling, of caring ... of loving and being betrayed because she didn't know if she could handle that sort of thing again.

Silence had stretched between them for several minutes and it hadn't been until Nesta had felt confident her voice didn't sound wobbly that she had asked to go home. Unsurprisingly, Feyre had complied without uttering a word. She had gathered Rhysand who had driven her home in silence. She had had a feeling Rhysand had known what had happened and something had cracked inside of her at that knowledge. When she had arrived home and she had been left alone in her room, Nesta had done something she hadn't done since her mother died ... she had broken apart and she had cried like she hadn't done in a long time.

Because Cassian had broken her heart without realising it ... and she had a feeling she had broken his too.

Nesta closed her eyes as she struggled to get rid of the images plaguing her mind. Now wasn't the time to revolve about these things ... to think about the what could have happened if she hadn't -

Nesta took a deep breath and opened her eyes. She looked around for her any signs of Feyre or Tamlin, trying to distract herself. Finally, as she looked up from the crowd, she caught a glimpse of Tamlin, who was leaning on Feyre's locker with a frown on his face. As she neared she noticed Feyre standing right next to him, her face slightly pale and worried as she said softly, "look, I'm ... I'm sorry, but you have to understand. They are my friends and I haven't seen them in forever. And I miss being with them, Tamlin. I missed them. Is that so wrong?"

Tamlin frown's deepened into scowl. "You saw them _a few days ago._ Isn't that enough?"

Feyre grimaced. "Tamlin -"

"No, Feyre. The answer is _no_. You are staying with _me_."

Nesta felt a spark of rage igniting inside of her, replacing the emptiness that had settled within her. _That's good_ , she thought. She preferred the anger to the numbness. She preferred to feel rage than nothing at all.

Nesta cleared her throat making both Tamlin and Feyre turned their faces towards her. Tamlin's eyes narrowed slightly at the sight of her, but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything. She locked her eyes with Feyre and arched her brow. "Are you ready to go?"

Tamlin's eyes shone with outrage. "She isn't going."

Feyre exhaled and turned to face him. She opened her mouth to say something, but Nesta stepped in. "Says who, exactly?"

"Me."

"No offense, but I'm asking _my sister_. So unless your name is Feyre, I'm afraid you have no business here."

Tamlin growled. "She is my girlfriend. I should have a saying in what she does."

Nesta gave a mirthless laugh. "Yeah, well. I'm her sister. If someone should have a saying in what Feyre does, it's _me_. But guess what? I don't because Feyre is not some piece of furniture. She is a quite smart girl who I believe can make her own decisions. So stop bickering around and let her choose _for once_."

Tamlin's face contorted in fury and something horrendous and dark began to gleam in his eyes. Feyre took a sharp intake of breath and she stepped in to grab him by the arm. "Please, Tamlin. She doesn't mean what she's saying."

He slowly turned his face to her, that darkness still on his face. "Feyre -"

"She didn't mean it. She is just a bit annoyed because all I do lately is spend my time with you."

Nesta blinked. She stared at Feyre, but she only had eyes for Tamlin whose expression was one of disbelief and anger. "Don't you see it? _I don't care_. You are _my_ girlfriend. You should be with _me_."

"But she is my family. She is a important part of my life too. You must understand that. _Please_."

Tamlin stared at Feyre, his expression cold and firm. Suddenly, he let go of her, spun around and began to stride across the room. Feyre followed quickly behind him. "Wait, Tamlin -"

He looked over his shoulder, his body hard and taut with unvented rage, making Feyre halt in disbelief. His voice was quiet and menacing when he said, "we'll talk tomorrow. Have fun with your _amazing_ family."

Nesta and Feyre stared at Tamlin as he kept moving through the crowd of students. Nesta shook her head. "Is this a usual thing?"

Feyre closed her eyes as sadness clouded over her expression. "Not always, but ... most days."

Nesta stared at her, taking in Feyre's despair and pain before finally saying. "It's your choice, I guess."

Feyre grimaced. "Nesta -"

Nesta shook her head as she moved towards the front door. She felt that spark of anger going out as the numbness spread once more. She felt so useless ... and so tired of everything. "Don't bother to explain. It's your life. Do what you have to."

Nesta kept moving as Feyre trailed silently behind of her. When they stepped out into the bright sunlight, Nesta took a deep breath in. There was something soothing in the slow breeze that passed right through them, in the soft murmur of the trees moving and the chatter of the people around them. It was comforting to think the world kept moving, that it kept on spinning no matter what. It felt real somehow.

Nesta sighed and looked over at Feyre, who was staring ahead deep in thought. Nesta cleared her throat, bringing Feyre's attention back to her and asked, "is there anything you wish to tell me? You look more dumbstruck than usual and that's saying something."

Feyre shook her head slightly. "It's nothing."

Nesta nodded her head in understanding. "Okay."

Time passed by as they walked in silence. Nesta knew it would be no use to push the issue. Feyre needed time to think things through, to see the reality unfolding before her ... to grasp what was really happening. Besides, she owed her. Feyre had always respected her wishes and so should she. When she wanted to share her feelings, she would ... and she would be here for her.

Suddenly, when they had almost arrived to the meeting point with Elain and Mor, Feyre skipped to a halt. Nesta turned to her, brows high. "What's wrong?"

Just then, Feyre took in a deep breath and exhaled. She said, her voice almost a whisper. "We are hopeless, aren't we? Tamlin and I ... we're never going to make this work. It's all I've been thinking about these past weeks. And I want to do something about it, Nesta. I want it _so much_ ... but I _can't_. I can't find any way to fix this. To fix _us_ , to return to the way things were before. Tamlin ... he's changing and he's only getting worse each day that passes. And I don't know what to do because no matter how hard I try to please him, it's never enough. _I'm not enough, Nesta_ a _nd it's killing me_."

Nesta stared at Feyre in astonishment. She didn't think she'd ever heard Feyre talk so much about her relationship before and definitely never like this, as if it were something damaged and broken beyond repair. Feyre had always defended her relationship with Tamlin to the point of madness. Feyre loved Tamlin and she had been willing to do anything for him.

But now ... it seemed things have changed. Maybe she had changed.

"I never thought I'd hear those words leaving your mouth."

Feyre's lips tugged to one side. "You were dying to hear them, weren't you?"

Nesta grinned softly, but it quickly became grim. She asked,  "are you considering breaking up with him?"

Feyre closed her eyes and looked away. "I don't know."

Nesta nodded once more. "I'm sure you know what I think you should do."

Feyre grinned. "I have an idea."

Nesta laughed, but it came across more discouraged than she had expected. "Why now though? Some weeks ago you were determined to make this work. What made you change your mind?"

Feyre's expression turned serious once more and she shook her head. "I don't think it's a punctual thing, but more like a combination of things. I hate not being able to speak my mind, to talk to my friends ... it's been so long since I last laughed and smiled ... and at first being with Tamlin made me happy, but now ... I think it's destroying me."

Nesta put her hand on his shoulder and gave a soft squeeze. "Believe it or not, I'm sorry. For you ... because I know you love him and this is hurting you."

Feyre shook her head. "It's just ... I feel like I'm giving up on him, on us. I feel like I'm failing us, as if this were all my fault."

Nesta shook her head softly. "No. Don't believe that because it's not true. You've done everything within your power to make this work between the two of you. You've given him more than any of us would have been willing to give so don't dare blame you for this."

Feyre grimaced. "I know, but -"

"No, Feyre. Look ... I know this is hard. Breakups are never easy, but ... sometimes it's for the best. Sometimes you have to give up on some things to find others and sometimes it's okay to let go. Maybe if you let Tamlin go, you end up finding someone who makes you even happier. And he will do the same."

Feyre arched her brow. "Like who?"

Nesta shrugged. "I don't know. But hey, it's not like you have a lack of suitors. You might meet him sooner than you think."

Feyre snorted. "Yeah, right."

Nesta smirked. "I'm not joking."

"And who are those _suitors_?"

Nesta rolled her eyes. "Rhysand, for an instance? And don't you dare tell you haven't noticed the way he looks at you."

Feyre blushed and looked away. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Nesta snorted . "Right."

"We're not ... it's not like that."

"For now."

Feyre grunted. "Stop it."

"Or what?"

"Or else we're going to talk about _you_ and Cassian."

Nesta grimaced slightly. "What about not?"

Feyre arched her brow curiously."Why? He does like you, you know. He looks at you as if you were the most amazing thing he's ever seen in his whole life."

Nesta shook her head in dismay. "He doesn't."

Feyre opened her mouth, but as she watched Nesta's expression she wisely closed it. Silence settled over them for a few moments as Feyre studied Nesta more closely. Nesta looked away and she felt the need to throw up.

Feyre sighed and muttered. "I think it's time you tell me what happened yesterday, Nesta."

"Nothing happened."

"Something _obviously_ happened. Look at you, Nesta. I've never seen you look so disheartened before."

Nesta flinched and looked away. She felt Feyre taking her hand softly before quietly saying. "Please, tell me. Let me help you."

Nesta closed her eyes and shook her head. "He didn't do anything. He .. he just said some mean things to me. It's not a big deal."

"You've never let such things affect you. Why now?"

Nesta gulped. "Because ... because it's _him_.  Everything is different when it comes to him."

Feyre looked at her thoughtfully. "You like him."

Nesta looked away and she felt rather than saw her sister shaking her head lightly. "How long has thing been going on? When were you going to tell me?"

Nesta frowned. "Tell you what?"

"That you are falling in love with Cassian."

Nesta growled. "I'm _not_ falling in love with Cassian."

Feyre rolled her eyes. "The hell you aren't. You are just too afraid to admit because it's scary when it's real and you don't want to have your heart broken."

Nesta flinched. "Feyre -"

" _No_. Look, I'm not going to let you waste your life alone just because you're afraid. You need to realise that it's okay to fall in love, to let someone else enter your barriers, to have someone to share your dreams and troubles. And I know that you're afraid of getting hurt, but ... believe me, Nesta, it's worth it. It's worth trying because if you do find the right person, he's going to make you feel like nobody has before. And for some unexplainable reason I have a feeling you've found him."

Nesta blushed slightly and Feyre continued. "But the thing is you'll not know until you try and you have to stop letting fear get the best out of your life. Don't be a coward."

Nesta narrowed her eyes. "I'm not a coward."

"Then prove it."

Feyre squeezed her hand and then she let her go. She grabbed her bag tighter as she turned to walk in another direction. Nesta followed right behind her, strutting to keep up with her. She asked rather breathlessly, "can you tell me where are we even going?"

"To _La Giara_. You're talking to Cassian."

Nesta's eyes widened slightly. "Now?"

"Now."

"I can't, Feyre. I -"

"Drop the act. I've seen you face things most girls would never dare. Don't chicken out for a boy."

Nesta growled. "I'm not _chickening out_. I just ... what am I going to tell him?"

"Just tell him what you feel."

"I _don't know_ what I feel."

Feyre looked over at her and shook her head. "Tell him you're sorry. Tell him you regret what happened last night. Tell him you want to be her friend. _Just try, Nesta_. Try and see what happens."

" _I can't_."

" _You can_. This isn't so hard."

"It is."

"It isn't. You are the one who makes it hard," Feyre kept walking, her breathing jagged. "You can do this, Nesta. I know you can."

Nesta bit her lip. "Feyre -"

Feyre shook her head softly. "Promise me, Nesta. Promise me you'll try. _Promise me_."

Nesta grunted. "Feyre it's not so easy. What if it's not enough? What if ... what if whatever I do is not enough? What then?"

"Then you move on, but you have to try at least. One thing is trying and failing and another one very different is just giving up. And I'll never forgive you if you just give up."

Nesta shook her head in exasperation. "You are so stubborn."

Feyre smiled knowingly at her. "I know."

Nesta sighed and shook her head. "I will try, but I can't promise -"

"I know. But for now it's enough."

Nesta looked at Feyre and she felt something like hope sparking in her chest. Because she was right. She was Nesta Archeron ... and she would not give up without a fight.

She picked up her pace feeling a new rush igniting inside of her. She could do this. No, she _would_ do this ... and nothing would stop her.

..........................................................................................

Nesta took in a long breath as she stared at the front of the restaurant. Her stomach was in knots, her breathing was hard because of all the walking and she felt her heart hammering wildly in her chest.

_What had she been thinking?_ There was no way she could pull this off. Cassian would never ... she gulped.

"Stop thinking. Just go in there."

Nesta looked over at Feyre. "I'm going to kill you when this is over."

"You'll kiss me when this is over."

"I hate you."

"I know. I'll deal with it."

Nesta rolled her eyes at Feyre as she opened the door. The restaurant was rather empty, only a few tables occupied by customers. Nesta stepped into the place, looking everywhere. Maybe Cassian wasn't here. Maybe his shift had already finished. _Maybe he had quit_. She didn't know if she could work up the courage to come here any other day. Or call him. She didn't think she could handle a phone call. She wasn't sure -

"May I help you, ma'am? Do you want to book a table?"

Nesta halted at the sound of Cassian's voice. She drew in a long breath as she turned around to face him. When Cassian noticed her, he stiffened, making her insides churn in return.

"Hi."

He was looking at her in disbelief, shaking his head slightly as if he couldn't grasp the idea that she was here. Nesta 's mouth dried at the sight of him and she was left speechless. His eyes were locked firmly with hers and for a moment, it felt as if they were the last people of the planet. His eyes were like burning balls of fire, flecks of black and rick amber that swirled amongst liquid gold.

He opened his mouth, then closed it again immediately after. Finally, he muttered, "I didn't expect you to come here."

"Yeah ... it wasn't my idea either. Not exactly."

He shook his head and gave a shaky laugh. "Why doesn't that surprise me?"

Nesta blushed slightly and looked away. _Why did she always feel so nervous around him? Why being with him made her feel so out of control?_

_Because you have feelings for him_ , a voice within her whispered. _Because you care_.

She stared over at the empty tables beside them. She didn't know what to say ... she didn't how to handle this situation, she didn't know where to start. This wasn't her territory. She didn't know -

"I'm sorry, Nesta. I'm so sorry ... for everything."

She looked up, in surprise. She muttered quietly. "You have nothing to be sorry for. What happened yesterday ... it wasn't your fault."

"But it is."

"It's not. You were speaking your mind, that was brave of you. You shouldn't be sorry for it."

Cassian grunted. "No, Nesta, you don't understand. That's not the way I think of you, not at all."

She furrowed her brow. "But ... you wouldn't have said it if you didn't."

He shook his head and grunted. "How can you be so oblivious?"

Nesta narrowed her eyes. "Excuse me?"

Cassian sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "I didn't mean ... not like that. It's just ... you make me nervous. I don't know how to act when you are around. What I feel for you ... I have never felt this way about anyone else before. You mean more to me than you realise and it broke me apart to think you were considering dating Tomas. I was furious and I took it out on you and I'm sorry, Nesta ... because I saw how much it hurt you. It was never my intention and ... and I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Nesta was left speechless. She stared at him, not quite believing his words and he looked away. He looked insecure ... almost uncertain of himself, a look so different on him it made her heart squeezed in her chest.

Cassian took a deep breath in, then exhaled. He whispered. "If you want to go out with Tomas ... do it. It's your choice, but ... be careful, okay?"

She could see how much those words hurt him, how much the mere thought of her going out with someone like Tomas made him ache inside. It warmed her  to think he cared, to think he was so worried about her well-being. She had never had anyone worrying for her like that before ... and she had to admit it felt nice. She shook her head slowly. "I'm not going to go out with Tomas."

Cassian cocked his head towards her. "You aren't?"

Nesta shook her head again. "No."

Cassian narrowed his eyes and looked at her expectantly. Somehow she knew what he was asking and she blushed slightly. "I was never interested in him. I was enraged because of what he said, that's all. And I wanted to hurt you, but I never wanted to go out with him."

A wry smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Of course you would do that."

She blushed and looked away. In the next moment she felt a gentle hand on her chin, lifting her face towards him. He was looking at her with a smile on his face as he said. "If you aren't out with Tomas ... then you should go out with me."

Nesta blinked. "What?"

"Go out with me on a date. Give me a chance."

Nesta stared deeply into his eyes. They were burning like a blazing fire and she felt lost in them. He made her feel so out of control ... she didn't know what to do when he was with her. The mere thought of going out with him scared her. It made her feel insecure and afraid and yet ... it was something she yearned to do. Something she's wanted to do for a long time, ever since they met each other. So why did she always refuse? Why couldn't she let go, just for once?

He waited, not rushing the words out of her. She moved out of his grasp quietly and he let her go. She drew in a long breath and despite the storm of emotions raging within her, she managed to ask. "Why?"

Cassian shrugged. "Because I like you."

"Yeah, but why?"

"I don't know."

Nesta arched her brow. "What do you mean, _you don't know_?"

"Nothing, only that I don't know." When she glared at him, he chuckled. "It's complicated. Haven't you ever felt drawn to someone for no apparent reason at all?"

Nesta frowned and he smiled softly. "That day we met? When I saw you that day I couldn't think straight. I started walking right towards your table not even giving it a second thought. I didn't know you, but there was something about you that just felt right. You felt right. And once I talked to you and you practically bit my head off ... I knew you were the one I had been looking for my whole life. You are a living flame, something beautiful and dangerous. I've never seen anyone like you before."

Nesta gulped. "And is that a good thing?"

Cassian smiled at her and suddenly everything felt right in the world. "Believe me, it is."

Nesta blushed. She tried to look away, but he didn't let her. He cupped her cheek, capturing his gaze with her own once more, not allowing her any chance to deny the truth about what she was feeling, about what she wanted. He whispered. "Let me take you on a date."

Nesta bit her lip. "Cassian ... I don't know."

His thumb brushed softly her lower lip and she closed her eyes at the touch. "Please, Nesta. Just once."

She exhaled. "You are so hot-headed."

He laughed. "So are you."

Nesta shook her head softly. "What if it ends wrong? What if it is a horrible date and I don't want to see you again in my life?"

"Then you won't. If this goes wrong, I promise you'll never see me again."

Nesta looked up at him. "Never?"

Cassian shook his head. "Never."

Nesta sighed. Her mind was a mess of emotions, both longing and fear, happiness and frustration. But then she recalled Feyre's words: _The thing is you'll not know until you try and you have to stop letting fear get the best out of your life. Don't be a coward._

_Promise me you'll try. Promise me._

Feyre had been right. She was scared ... of having her heart broken, of tying herself to another human being ... of depending on someone else.

But for some reason, something within her was pushing her forwards ... as if it knew Cassian might be the one.

_Haven't you ever felt drawn to someone for no apparent reason at all?_

Maybe she had, it had only taken her a little more to realise it.

Nesta took his hands and held them faintly to her. She exhaled and muttered, trying to sound as nonchalant as possibly. "Alright, let's do it. But try not to make me regret it."

Cassian laughed and shook his head. "I'll do my best."

Nesta blushed faintly as she let go of him. "Maybe it's a bit early, but ... we could meet tomorrow at 7 PM in this exact place. If you're okay with it."

Cassian smiled brightly. "Sounds like a plan."

And Nesta nodded as she turned back, smiling brightly and feeling that for once she had made the right choice.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for taking so long to update ... exams are coming so it might take a while for me to write new chapters. I don't know how many I'll manage to write in these next months, but I can promise to you I'll finish the story. If not now, in summer. And thank you all again for your support, you're all amazing :D

**Feyre's POV**

Feyre shook her head in disbelief as she stared at her phone and all of her unanswered texts and ignored calls to Tamlin. For some reason he hadn't deigned to share with her, he had decided not to show up at school today and, even though she had tried to get in touch with him throughout the whole day, she hadn't been able to. He had been purposefully ignoring every single one of her messages and it made her feel beyond mad.

She was well aware that this was all some kind of revenge for the way she had stood him up yesterday to be with her friends and family instead. It upset her how exaggerated Tamlin’s reactions were to every single one of their problems; as if he were always right and she were only an ill-mannered kid who needed to be taught a lesson. The worst part was that she wasn't neither as surprised nor as livid as she should have been. Maybe it was due to the fact the she had seen it coming or maybe the fact that she didn't care. Not as much as she used to, and not as much as she should. Not anymore.

Tamlin was still her boyfriend, but lately it didn't feel like it. He had changed. He wasn't the amazing boy she had fallen in love with anymore. He had become someone else entirely. Someone she wasn't sure she could be with ... nor love.

She felt like she was suffocating under his weight. His words, his behaviour, his actions ... they always made her feel worthless and miserable, as if she wasn't enough. In that aspect, everyone was right. She deserved someone who made her want to live, who stood next to her and not ahead of her, someone who let her fight her own battles. Someone who loved her for who she was, and not for what they wanted her to be.

She looked at her phone and closed her eyes. Tamlin wasn't going to answer, not today. He would make her beg for it, for his forgiveness. He was going to leave her in the dark for as long as he thought convenient to make sure she understood how wrong she had behaved and how deep her actions had hurt him.

But she wasn't going to fall for it, not anymore.

Things have changed. _She_ had changed. And maybe ... maybe it was time to -

All of a sudden, Feyre was startled by a knock on her door. She cocked her head and asked. "Yeah?"

Nesta's voice came through. "It's me, Nesta. Can I come in?"

Feyre sighed and threw her phone away. She would continue worrying about her relationship later. "Yeah, sure."

Her bedroom's door opened to reveal Nesta trailing behind. Feyre smiled broadly at the sight of her and Nesta grunted. "I'm going to make this quick: how do I look? And please, be honest."

Nesta spun around and looked at her expectantly. She was wearing a mini black dress with high neck and cut out back with some black stilettos that made her look sexy and dangerous. She had left her hair down, a mass of wavy curls that streamed down her back in soft waves, and she’d put on the slightest touch of makeup. But perhaps the most mesmerizing thing of all were her eyes, which sparkled in the dimness of the room.

Feyre had always been mesmerized by Nesta's eyes. It was strange how much Nesta’s emotions could change the way her eyes looked from afar. While both of them had blue eyes, Feyre's eyes were nothing like her sister's. Nesta's eyes were like the ocean, something iridescent and flecked with every shade of blue that changed depending on how she was feeling. When she was angry, they were ice and glass, sharp enough to scar. When she was happy, they became crystals of shimmering light, brightening the world around her. When she was sad, they became waves crashing against a lonely shore. In comparison to all of that, Feyre's eyes were as dull as a dying bluebell.

Nesta was different than Feyre in so many ways, she was someone authentic and extraordinary. Feyre admired numerous things about Nesta. Things like her honesty, her sense of loyalty, her inner fire ... but more specifically how she always showed herself for who she was, for what she was, and for how she fought for what she wanted.

Nesta was a force of nature that lived by her own rules and Feyre wished she were anything like her.

Maybe everything would have been easier then. If she were anything like Nesta, her life wouldn't be such a wreck. Tamlin would have never used her the way he did. She would have had the bravery to stand up for herself long ago and none of this would have happened.

But maybe there was still time to make things right. She would talk to Tamlin and she would _end_ this. No matter how much it hurt her, she had to end it. It was time to let it all go, it was time to breathe again.

"So?"

Feyre looked up at the sound of Nesta's voice and smiled. "You look beautiful. Cassian is definitely going to fall in love with you all over again."

Nesta rolled her eyes, "Right."

"I'm serious. You look fantastic."

Nesta nodded absently. "Thank you." She bit her lip as she fidgeted with the hem of her dress. Finally, she exhaled a breath. "Feyre, are you sure I can pull this off?"

Feyre frowned. "What do you mean?"

"It's just ... this is all so new to me. I'm not sure how to do any of this. You know, the dating stuff."

Feyre looked at Nesta and smiled. "It's okay, Nesta. Just be yourself and everything will be alright."

Nesta sighed and sat next to her on the couch. "Feyre ... I'm mean, grumpy, moody, insolent and cold. I don't think he's going to like that."

Feyre shook her head softly. "Since when are you so hateful towards yourself? You are an amazing girl, Nesta, once you allow yourself to be. And Cassian knows that. That's why he's going out with you tonight." Feyre grabbed Nesta's hand and looked at her eyes, which were open and vulnerable. "He's seen all of you, even the bad parts, and he's still here. He's not running away."

Nesta shook her head and sighed. "I guess you're right. There's nothing to be afraid of."

"Exactly."

Nesta took a deep breath. "Okay. I can do this." She smiled and squeezed Feyre's hand before letting go. She got up from the bed and head straight to the door, pausing abruptly at the threshold. Nesta looked at Feyre again, cocking her head. "And hey, weren't you supposed to be with Tamlin? Didn't you two agree to meet today or something?"

Feyre grimaced. "Yeah."

Nesta narrowed her eyes. "So, where is he?"

Feyre shrugged. "I don't know. He's still mad, I think, for what I did yesterday, so he's probably not going to come. But it's not like I know because he hasn't answered any of my messages."

Nesta rolled her eyes. "He's such a child."

"Yeah."

Nesta shook her head and then muttered, "Well, you aren't staying here on a Friday night just because your boyfriend is an idiot."

Feyre arched her brow. "What do you propose?"

Nesta smiled devilishly. "Call Rhysand. Weren't you two supposed to go out tonight anyway?"

Feyre blinked. She hadn't even considered that possibility. "Do you ... do you think he won't mind? Maybe he has plans."

"Then ask him. It's not like he's going to bite you or anything."

Feyre laughed nervously. "Okay, okay. You know, if I didn't know you I'd say you were trying to set me up with Rhys."

Nesta smirked. "Maybe you don't know me as well as you think." Nesta looked at her watch and suddenly her eyes widened. "Oh, sorry, but I need to go. If you need anything, call me."

Feyre nodded. "Alright, I will. Now go have fun with Cassian."

She hurried towards the door, pausing briefly to shot her a glare. "And call Rhysand."

................................................................................................

Minutes passed by as Feyre stared at her untouched phone. She had considered calling Rhysand a couple of times now, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to it. She was nervous, more than she dared to admit, but she couldn't understand why.

Hanging out with Rhysand the other day had been the most fun she had had in a long while. She hadn't realised just how badly she had needed, how badly she had needed to be with someone like Rhysand: someone who not only understood her, but also loved her for who she was.

While Tamlin insisted on keeping her on a leash, protected and safe, Rhysand set her free. With Rhysand she could be herself and that was something she had missed during these past weeks. And perhaps that was the reason she was nervous ... because what she was starting to feel for him wasn't something one feels for a friend.

She didn't want to admit just how much she wanted to be next to him, how much she yearned to cuddle against his side and breathe in his scent, how much she wanted to see that beautiful smile of his again and the way his violet eyes sparkled when he looked at her.

She wasn't ready to acknowledge any of this, even when her heart was begging her to.

Feyre took a deep breath in and finally gathered enough courage to reach for her phone, only to find it already ringing. She looked at the incoming call and smiled as a soft, warm feeling settled in her heart.

She picked it up. "It's been two days. I almost thought you had forgotten all about me, you prick."

She heard Rhysand chuckling at the other end. "If you missed me so dearly, you could have left me a message. Or call me. Hearing your creative mouth work on new insults is always my favourite thing to do. I thought you knew that, Feyre darling."

She couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face. "Aren't you the sweetest thing."

She could practically see Rhysand smiling at the other end. "I try."

She smiled stupidly at the phone. "So, did you call me only to say hi or is there any motivation behind?"

Rhysand sighed. "I just wanted to know how you were, what you have been doing. I would have called earlier, but I didn't want to risk getting you even in trouble. I don't know how much time you spent with Tamlin these days."

Feyre blinked. "Oh."

He chuckled. "Yeah, so ... tell me. What have you been doing?"

 She stayed quiet for a few seconds before finally saying. "Same as always."

Rhysand's end was quiet for a while before he said. "Is he mad at you again?" At her lack of an answered he growled. "I can't believe it. I didn't think he could become more egocentric and idiotic that he already was, but it's as if he thinks this is a competition he wants to excel at. I swear he is -"

Feyre cut him off. "Rhysand?"

"Yes?"

"I think I'm going to break up with Tamlin."

At that Rhysand went quiet. She gulped. "I don't think I can keep going on like this, as if nothing were happening.  He's breaking me, Rhys. He's not the same boy I used to love and ... I think it's time to finally let go. Does ... does that make me a horrible person?"

"No, no, Feyre. Of course it doesn't." After that, he stayed quiet for a few more seconds before finally saying. "Look, I - I don't know what to say. This caught me by surprise."

Feyre closed her eyes. "Just tell me if you think I'm doing the right thing."

"You are. I know this is hurting you because you poured your whole heart on him, on your relationship, but the truth is you've always deserved more, Feyre. You deserve the world and beyond."

Feyre's lip trembled slightly. "Maybe it's selfish thing to ask, but can you come over? I don't want to be alone right now."

"Of course. Just give me a second to gather my things."

"Okay."

"Alright, see you soon."

"Wait, Rhys?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

His voice was barely a whisper when he said. "Anything you want, Feyre, it's yours."

….................................................................................................

Feyre laid on her couch with her eyes closed, listening to the soft sound of the wind whirling through the trees outside her window as she waited for Rhysand's car to appear. Fifteen minutes have passed, but he hasn't arrived yet.

She felt sad and empty inside, as if a void was sucking the life out of her. She had loved Tamlin with her whole heart and now she felt as if she were giving up ... and maybe that's what was she was doing. Perhaps that was what needed to be done.

_Breakups are never easy, but ... sometimes it's for the best. Sometimes you have to give up on some things to find others and sometimes it's okay to let go. Maybe if you let Tamlin go, you end up finding someone who makes you even happier. And he will do the same._

That was what Nesta had said and perhaps she hadn't been wrong. The more she thought about it, the more she doubted any of them were happy with the way things were going and that, somehow, told her this was the right decision. This breakup, even if it hurt both of them, was the right thing to do.

And then ...

... then there was Rhysand.

Feyre groaned. She didn't want to feel what she was feeling towards Rhysand. She _shouldn't_ be feeling such things. But she couldn't help it.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door that made her open her eyes. She drew in a breath and released it slowly, letting it shudder out of her.

No matter how she felt for him, no matter what Nesta said, she knew Rhysand held no interest in her. It was impossible that _someone like him_ held any interest in _someone like her_. He was here to help her because he was her friend and she was his and ... whatever she felt for him came after that.

She rose from the couch and quickly raced down the stairs to unlock the door. She smiled as she opened the door in a single movement. "I didn't know you for being such a slow -"

But her words faltered as she saw who was standing there.

Tamlin stood just outside her door, his deep green eyes piercing as he took into the sight of her. As he noticed the subtle change of her demeanour at his sudden appearance his stance grew ever bleaker.

"Hey."

Feyre gulped. "Hi."

Tamlin's mouth was a thin line. "You don't sound happy to see me."

She felt something crack within herself at that sentence. She could feel the magnitude of Tamlin's rage under his tone, a wave whose force threatened to strike her until she could no longer get back up. The sight of it made her want to recoil.

But Feyre took a deep breath instead and looked up at him with a stare that matched his own. She wasn't going to let him scare her. She wasn't going to back down. Not today. "That's because I'm not."

His eyes narrowed. "Were you expecting someone else? Did you forget, Feyre, that we were supposed to meet today?"

"No, but maybe you forgot to charge your phone. Why didn't you answer any of my messages or calls?"

"I was busy."

"With what?"

He growled. "Since when do you care? I thought you only had time for your _amazing_ friends and family."

Feyre rolled her eyes. "So that's what this is about, right? You are still mad because I decided to go have lunch with Nesta and not with you."

"And how did you expect me to be?"

Feyre sneered. "I expected you not to behave like a jerk and to accept that, apart from you, there are other people in my life that matter as much or even more than you do."

He took a step towards her and she lifted her chin. His eyes were murderous as he drank me in. "I don't know what's been happening to you lately, Feyre, but I don't think I like it."

"What happens is that I've realised I don't want to live like this, like some caged animal. If this is the way you're going to keep treating me from now on, then ... "

His eyes narrowed slowly. Then he said with terrible softness. "Then what?"

She forced herself to look into his green eyes, into his rage and despair before saying. "Then we are done."

He didn't say anything for what felt like forever, but there wasn't any need to it. She could see it in his eyes, who had gone from rage to despair to sorrow. And now ...

Tamlin's growl made her shiver. "You can't be breaking up with me. _There is no way you are doing that._ "

Feyre shook her head softly. "Tamlin, this is for the best. It's -"

" _No_."

Suddenly, he grabbed her by the arm and yanked her outside without mercy, making Feyre stumble to the ground. She whimpered as she hit the ground and looked up, only to see Tamlin advancing on her. She stood up, but not fast enough to get away from him, to prevent him from grabbing her by the neck as fear started to travel down her spine.

"Tamlin, please. Walk away."

But he wasn't listening. He growled and the sound of it sent shivers down Feyre's spine. " _You. Are. Mine._ "

"Tamlin -"

"No, you don't get it. You don't get to break up with me. You are mine, Feyre. _Mine_."

The pressure on her neck increased slightly threatening to choke her. She struggled, trying to get away from him, but it was futile. He was stronger and there was nothing she could do.

All of a sudden, he pushed her hard and she hit the ground. She gasped and closed her eyes as pain shot through her head from the impact. She tried to scoot away from him, but again her efforts were short-lived as he put himself above her and crashed his lips against her.

She writhed beneath him and kicked, but it was no use. He was pinning her hard against the ground making her movements clumsy and useless as he kept kissing her, as his tongue invaded her mouth and tears made her way down her face. In the end, she stopped struggling and decided to wait for it to finally be over.

When he finally lifted his head, there was no emotion in his eyes. No clue that this person before her was the boy she used to love.

His eyes were feral and dark when he said. "You are coming with me."

"No."

He growled. "Feyre -"

"I said _no_. Let me go, Tamlin. This isn't you."

"Everything I've done ... all I've done for you and you pay me back like this. Can't you see it, Feyre? I did it all for you. _Because I love you_."

"Tamlin -"

"Get away from her. _Now_."

Feyre turned around to see Rhysand, whose eyes were cold and rigid as they beheld Tamlin. She felt Tamlin stiffening, his whole body going rigid. "So this is who you were waiting for? _Rhysand_? You are breaking up with me _for him_?"

But Feyre just stared at Rhysand. Something eased in her chest at the sight of him and suddenly she felt safe ... brave. He was here. _Rhysand was here_.

Rhysand's stare was fixed on Tamlin as he said, his voice menacing and cold. "Get the hell out of here Tamlin."

 She felt Tamlin tremble with restraint as he watched Rhysand. "Now everything adds up; our constant fights, her bickering, her random behaviour ... you are the reason behind all of it. You manipulated her. You turned her into your whore, into your puppet. _You turned her into this_."

Rhysand narrowed his eyes at him. "I only gave her the freedom you denied her. It's not my fault this is happening, it's yours."

Tamlin's focus was solely on Rhysand, but Rhysand wasn't watching him anymore. His eyes were locked with hers as he gave her one simple nod.

Tamlin growled on her, oblivious to her and her movements.

And she understood.

Feyre used the distraction to free her hands from Tamlin's hold and used them to punch Tamlin hard in the jaw, making him stagger and roll over. He groaned in pain, but she didn't care. He had almost ... the thought made her want to throw up. She quickly got up off the floor and run towards Rhysand, who was watching her with relief. She threw herself into him, hugging him tightly for a second before releasing him.

"We should get out of here."

Rhysand looked over her shoulder at Tamlin, who was still on the floor, his green eyes unbelieving. "I just know the place. Come on."

She started walking to his car, but she couldn't resist peeking over her shoulder one last time. Tamlin was still laying on the floor, his face no longer incredulous, but sad and broken. And, in spite of everything, the sight of it broke something within her too.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, but her words were lost in the wind.

….................................................................................................

As Rhysand manoeuvred through the streets, utter silence reigned in the car. Neither of them knew what to say to make things better ... to make it all disappear.

Feyre couldn't yet believe what had just happened. What Tamlin had done ... what he _would_ have done if Rhysand hadn't come for her ...

She had loved Tamlin. She had _trusted_ him. She had thought of him as charismatic, generous, caring. She had believed him to be an understanding, thoughtful. She had never let herself consider anything else. But now ...

Now she didn't know what to believe.

Feyre's eyes closed. "Had it really been that obvious?"

Rhysand didn't look at her as he kept driving, his eyes concentrated on road before him. "No. No, I would  have never believed it either if I hadn't just seen it with my own eyes. What he almost did to you ..." His hands tightened on the steering wheel . "I will never forgive him for it."

Feyre fought back the tears that threatened to fill her eyes. She knew he meant what he said. If given the opportunity, Rhysand would make him pay back for what he'd done to her, for treating her the way he had, for making her feel like she didn't deserve anything. For some reason, Rhysand cared deeply for her and that made her feel slightly bit better.

As long as she had him, she would be fine. She might be hurt and broken, but she would heal someday.

"Rhysand."

"Yes?"

"I know things are going to be hard for a while. It's going to take me some time to heal and get over Tamlin and the way he's been treating me, but ... I want you to know something."

He looked at her with a puzzled expression."Okay."

"I want you to know that I would repeat it all over again. I would go through this again, without any doubt, if that meant getting to become your friend. You're the only right thing I've done, Rhys."

Rhysand's eyes were bright as he looked at her. "Feyre ..."

Both of them were silent after that, as Rhysand kept driving until he arrived at his destination. As soon as he pulled over, she crawled back to his arms and he held her tightly. She closed her eyes, letting his warmth and scent envelop her.

She was hurt, but she would recover. Everything would be fine. She would be whole again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK! College is finally over so I'm happy to say you'll see me here more often. Now that I'm free I'm going to try to write one chapter per week. Let's see if I can do it :D 
> 
> Hope you like this chapter and please remember that if you ever want to talk to me you can leave a comment or send me a message on Tumblr (my username is tessalivesandbreathesbooks too)!

#### Nesta's POV

Nesta fidgeted nervously with the hem of her dress.  She was standing right before _La Giara_ , the restaurant where Cassian worked and where yesterday, she had agreed to let him take her on a date, something she didn't know if it was a terrible idea ... or the best she had ever had. She had felt quite accomplished then, but right now she didn't know what to think.

She hadn't been waiting for long, but each minute that passed felt like forever and she could feel herself growing more anxious. What she didn't quite know was if these nerves came from the date itself or the boy she was about to have it with ... but she guess it had to do more with the latter.

She had barely slept thinking about it. Her stomach had become a massive ball of nerves and right now she was fighting the urge to throw up. Her heart was beating so hard it threatened to come out off her chest, her palms were sweating and her knees were shaking lightly.

It had taken her forever to decide what to wear. She had never thought she would become one of those girls who would spend hours and hours selecting a dress, but apparently she had. She had needed a whole hour to choose the dress she was wearing and another hour to convince herself to actually wear it.

She wondered how Cassian would react when he saw her. She wondered if he felt as nervous as she felt right now.

And if he was ever going to come.

She looked at her watch and then at both sides of the street. He should be here any minute now and then ... then everything would begin.

Her insides became a tight knot and it became hard to breathe.

_Pull yourself together, Nesta._

She considered going back home for about a second before firmly shaking her head. She wouldn't back out, not now. Not when she was here. Not when he had promised Cassian and Feyre to try. There would be no more games, no more hiding.

_This is it._

And that's when she heard it. Her whole body went rigid at the sound of that voice ... the sound that had tormented her day and night.

"Nesta."

_No more games, no more hiding._

She slowly turned her head.

It was an effort to keep her face neutral before him, to prevent him from knowing just how much his presence affected her. He made her feel breathless and a little light-weighted, utterly powerless as she gazed into his eyes ... a beautiful amber colour both brilliant and intense that seemed to vibrate between them.

He was the most handsome man she had ever seen. He was wearing black trousers tucked into high, polished dark books and an open necked white shirt with its sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Something that might have looked ordinary on a random guy, but not on him. Never on him.

She couldn't look away.

"Cassian."

He looked her up and down and smiled. "You look amazing."

She felt something warm settling in the pit of her stomach. "So do you."

His smile grew even wider. "So, are you ready?"

She nodded. "As ready as I will ever be."

"Okay. Well." He run a hand through his hair and let out a nervous chuckle. "Before you say anything I'm going to tell you what I've prepared for this evening so you can tell me whether you like it or not."

She felt herself smiling. "Is it so bad you actually need reassurance?"

He ignored her and kept going. "My plan is to go in _there_ ," he pointed to the closed restaurant before them, "and make sure you eat the best Italian food of your life."

Nesta looked at the restaurant, then at him. "You know it's closed, right?"

"I asked the boss for the keys. He gave them to me, along with the permission to take some food." He grinned. "Don't worry, I'll make sure you don't get arrested for trespassing. That's for second dates exclusively."

Nesta felt a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "And who's going to cook, genius?"

"Me, of course."

"You?"

Cassian smirked. "Yeah, me. Is there a problem?"

"Maybe."

Cassian arched his brow and she rolled her eyes. "No offense, but you don't look like the cooking type."

Cassian grinned. "Have a little faith, sweetheart. There's a lot of things you have yet to discover about me."

"Like your cooking skills?"

"Oh, most definitely my cooking skills. You won't be able to stay away from me once you've seen what these hands can do." He winked at her.

Nesta shook her head, but there was amusement shining over her features. "If I end up in hospital with an intoxication ... you'll be so dead, Cassian."

Cassian chuckled and offered her his arm. "Come on, Nesta."

Nesta rolled her eyes and strolled past him. She heard him laugh behind her as he followed her to the restaurant, a wide smile on his face.

.....................................................................................................................

Nesta leaned against the kitchen counter as she watched Cassian, who was slicing vegetables with a precision that astonished her. As soon as he had entered the kitchen, he had looked for an apron and for the ingredients he needed for whatever he was doing. She had asked, but he had refused to tell her what it was. He wanted it to be a surprise, which made her feel both angry with impatience and touched at his thoughtfulness. Now, watching him as he kept cooking made her feel strangely warm inside. She had never had the chance to see him like this ... so focused on something. It was kind of adorable.

Not that she would ever say it out loud.

She cleared her throat. "So, where did you learn how to cook?"

Cassian smiled knowingly. "Still afraid I'll end up poisoning you?"

"One can't be too careful."

He shook his head lightly as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. He kept on cooking as he muttered. "I learnt on my own. I lost my family when I was child and from there on I was forced to take care of myself. I was given to my uncle, but he was quite sick so it's not like he could do much for me. I had to learn to do most things by myself."

Nesta blinked, startled. "But ... but I thought ... Azriel ... you told me he was your brother."

"Not by blood. When my uncle died I was given to an orphanage because I had no family left. Azriel and I had known each other for a while then because we went to the same school. When I told him what had happened, he talked to his parents and they agreed to adopt me and we've been together ever since."

Nesta's mouth dried. "I-I'm sorry you had to go through something like that. It must have been horrible."

Cassian looked up to meet her stare. "It was, but I'm over it. A lot of time has passed."

Nesta shook her head. "I don't think you can get over something like that. The past will always haunt you whether you like it or not."

At that, Cassian stiffened slightly. A few seconds went by before he conceded. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But I've learnt to live with it so it can no longer affect me. I'm better than I was back then."

Nesta nodded slightly. "I'm glad."

Cassian smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Yeah."

Cassian gathered his utensils and kept on cooking, as if nothing had happened, but Nesta sensed there was something off. She knew she ought to say something, but she couldn't think of what. There were no words for that kind of pain that mattered in the end. There was nothing she could say to make him feel better, nothing she could do.

Except ... perhaps talking about herself. Because he was not alone in his grief, she had been there too.

And perhaps that was what one needed the most ... to know they were not alone.

So she talked, which is something she had never allowed herself to do. "My mother died when I was a child too."

Cassian looked up and she closed her eyes. "You would think we saw it coming since she had cancer, but the truth is ... none of us did. When it happened ... I thought I would never recover. My whole world fell apart and I didn't know what to do. If it hadn't been for Feyre ... we wouldn't have made it. She was the one to prepare the funeral, to get in touch with every familiar we had to explain our situation, to find us financial air ... while our father spent every single one of our savings in alcohol and I cried desperately in my room."

She heard Cassian's faint voice. "Are you truly blaming yourself for mourning your mother?"

Nesta shook her head. "You don't understand. I should have been the one that helped, the one my family could rely on. I should have kept my act together."

"Nesta, you were _a child_. You had just lost _your mother_."

Nesta opened her eyes as something dangerous and fiery danced in them. "So did Feyre, but she managed ... she managed what _I should have managed_. I failed Cassian, I failed them ... when they needed me the most."

Cassian didn't say anything immediately. Instead he started to walk towards her. Their eyes locked as he approached her, as he slowly made his way towards her until he was standing before her.

Her mouth dried. "Cassian -"

He didn't so much as blink as he drew her into his arms and held her tight. Nesta clung to him and let out a deep breath she hadn't known she had been holding. Ever so slowly, he muttered. "Did you know I spent a whole week crying over my parents?"

With that, Nesta stiffened. Cassian continued softly. "I cried and cried until I couldn't anymore. And I cried when my uncle died too. So I know exactly what you went through because I felt the same way. I could only imagine having to take care of others during that time. I don't think I would have been able to."

Nesta shook her head against his neck. "This is not a competition."

"Believe me, I know. I guess what I mean to say is ... you are not weaker just because you cried more than Feyre did. And you definitely should spend the rest your life blaming you for everything that happened after your mother died."

Nesta opened here mouth then closed it. Cassian smiled faintly against her cheek and quietly let her go. "And now that that's settled ... I should keep cooking. Otherwise you might never make it home."

She rolled her eyes. "Some would consider that a blessing."

Cassian chuckled. "You know, I would have never expected our first date to go like this."

"Yeah ... sorry. It's all my fault."

"There is nothing to apologize for. All I'm saying is ... I want you to have a good memory of this. Of us. And I'm not sure if I'm achieving that."

Nesta considered. "You know ... I have never talked about any of this with anyone, not even with my sisters."

Cassian's brows shot up at that and she nervously looked away. "I guess what I'm saying is ... I trust you, against my better judgment. I know nothing about you, but I do trust you. So whatever you think you need to achieve ... you already have, Cassian."

Cassian seemed to consider her for a moment. His gaze was locked with hers when he asked softly. "What do you want to study in college?"

She blink, clearly surprised. "Why?"

"You said you know nothing of me. Which is accurate, but the truth is I don't know anything about you either. And I would like to."

Nesta sighed.  "I want to study Law."

"That's a tough one."

"I guess. What about you?"

Cassian smiled. "I _should_ be in college, but ... my parents can't afford to send us both Azriel and I so we agreed to send him first and then we would see what to do with me. For now, what I'm doing is to work and save."

Nesta frowned. "But ... that's not fair for you."

Cassian shrugged. "One of us couldn't go and after everything Azriel's done for me, I couldn't take that away from him. Besides, he's a better student that I am."

Nesta smiled. "Yeah, I guess so."

Cassian laughed. "That's what not what you were supposed to say."

"What was I supposed to say?"

"Anything but _that_."

Nesta laughed and hit Cassian playfully in the arm. Both of them kept talking and talking until it was so late it was ridiculous to even try to cook something. But Cassian was set to it and this time Nesta insisted to help.

Because she wanted to have a good memory of this.

Of them.

Together.

.....................................................................................................................

Nesta sat in front of Cassian as he served them both. Working together, it had taken them at least an hour to prepare their dinner.

But she wouldn't change any of it. She hadn't had so much fun with someone in a long time.

As soon as he had served them both he got up and grabbed a bottle of wine from the refrigerator. Nesta looked at the whole process with a smile of her face.

When Cassian finished pouring them some wine, he said. "For a memorable yet tragic first date."

Nesta laughed. "For no intoxications."

Cassian laughed and they both drank and ate and talked.

And it was everything she had hoped for.

.....................................................................................................................

Stars were shining faintly above them when they got out of the restaurant. They were both walking quietly through the streets when Cassian suddenly said. "So."

"So?"

"How was it?"

Nesta made a show of considering it. "Mm ..."

Cassian grinned. "Mm?"

"I guess it was okay."

"Are you being serious right now?"

Nesta shook her head slowly and turned to look at Cassian, who was looking at her intently. "You are really going to make me say it, aren't you?"

Cassian smiled tentatively and her heart skipped a beat. She grunted. "Damn it, Cassian. It was _great_ ... you were amazing. And you know it so stop fishing for compliments, alright?"

She started walking ahead, but all of a sudden, she felt his fingers closing around her elbow, yanking her around to face him. She gasped as she landed right into the strength of his arms, as he brought her closer wrapping his arms around her waist to whisper against her ear. "Can you say that again, sweetheart? I don't think I heard it correctly."

Nesta laughed nervously, but didn't move. "You are such an idiot."

Cassian chuckled, his breath warm against her ear. He leaned back and their gazes locked as they held to each other.

It felt incredible to be close to him. He made her feel alive in so many ways. She liked the sound of his voice and the way his eyes sparkled when he was happy. She loved how he run his hands through his hair when he was nervous and how he moved his hands when he talked, as if he couldn't help but get into the story. But right now, what she loved was the way he was looking at her, as if she were the most beautiful thing he had ever laid his eyes upon.

She didn't know whether it was the wine she had drunk earlier or the beauty of the night that surrounded them at this very moment, with starlight and moon full and bright. She didn't know whether it was the fact that it was Cassian the one standing before her ... but what happened next was not something Nesta Archeron would have normally done.

She ignored every voice in her head that told her to wait, to be careful, to guard her heart and she just rose to her tiptoes to kiss him. He gasped in surprise as their lips touched and she could feel his hesitation, as if he knew there were still some parts of hers that refused to fully accept what was happening. But as she pressed herself against him she could feel his hesitancy disappear and the next thing she knew, he was kissing her back.

And the world just melt away.

Sparks flew in every direction as they held onto each other. She hardly had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of her lips and delved inside her mouth. Their lips were moving in perfect synchrony as his hands grabbed her by the waist and pulled her even closer to him. Her arms reached up and tangled around his thick and strong neck, grabbing him softly by his hair and making him grunt against her mouth.

As the kissed progressed it became more passionate, even rougher. It was as if they couldn't get enough of each other. They were both breathing heavily when they finally pulled apart.

Cassian's forehead came to rest against hers. His breath was rough and warm on her face and it made her smile softly. It wasn't until some time had passed when he said, at last. "That ... that was definitely something."

Nesta arched her brow. "A good something or a bad something?"

Cassian chuckled. "The best kind of something."

Her smile grew wider. "That's good."

Cassian smiled back. He felt her fingers running up and down her back and she sighed happily, pressing her face against his neck. He tightened his embrace. "Nesta?"

"Hmm?"

"Why ... why did you do this? It wasn't because you are drunk, was it?"

"No. It was because I wanted to."

Cassian chuckled. "Well, then." He stayed quiet for a few seconds before asking quietly. "I really like you, Nesta."

"I really like you too."

She felt him smiling against her cheek. "Does that mean I scored a second date?"

Nesta felt something tightening on her chest. She buried her face against his shoulder, relishing in his scent as she answered. "A second, a third, a fourth ... all of them. If want to."

And right now there was not a moment of hesitation as he lifted her face to his. This kiss was different than the last one. In this one there was no rush, no desperation. The touch was feather-like, something delicate and precious that made her shiver. Their lips moved softly against each other, leaving them breathless and craving for more.

When he pulled back a few minutes later, he leaned into her ear and whispered. "That's all I've ever wanted to do since I laid my eyes upon you."

 _That's all I've ever wanted too_ , she wished to say, but Cassian pulled her back for another kiss and her words were lost among the intensity of the moment.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should apologise and tell you how sorry I am that this chapter took forever to come out (because it did, I mean it took almost a MONTH), but if I'm honest, I'm posting it when I know it's truly worth something. It's taken my forever to write it, for some reason I have yet to understand, but here it is now! Some of Rowan and Aelin's own drama. I can say with utter certainty two things: a) that I know how I want things to go and b) that I'm quite sure you're all going to love it. I can't wait for this fanfic to be finished, seriously. I'm so excited!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! And if you have something to say, please leave it to me in the comments!

##### Rowan's POV

As Rowan watched Aelin enter the police station he wondered where she had learnt to act in such a deceiving manner. All trace of sadness and agony he had witnessed earlier had vanished from her expression leaving a carefully crafted mask of easy boredom and contained anger show instead. She walked with her chin held high and her arms slack at her sides. Nothing out of the ordinary, unless you bothered to look into her eyes which sparkled brighter than any flame promising death to anyone who dared get into her path.

She looked like a living flame, beautiful in all its brightness and yet terribly dangerous, with the power to destroy anything she desired. A shiver run down Rowan's spine as he imagined himself being subjected to the flame that shone in her eyes.

He would have never imagined that the girl he had once found drinking herself to stupor would turn out to be like this. Someone broken by despair and grief that kept fighting to get over her past. Someone who had lost enough to not be afraid of death itself. Someone who would never give up, no matter the circumstances, no matter what it took her.

And what troubled him now was that he couldn't bear to let that happen. He couldn't stand seeing Aelin break herself to pieces anymore ... he couldn't stand seeing her hurt.

Rowan remembered her face when she had told him about Chaol. She remember how her eyes had clouded over with sheer remorse, how agony had flickered through her expression when she had confessed Chaol's final words to her. He had been there to witness the slight tremble of her hands and a broken voice that spoke volumes of her feelings.

He felt blithering rage at Chaol for harming Aelin like this. He fought back the growl that rose from his throat and kept his face frozen in that icy rage he knew others were seeing and backing away from. Everyone inside the building had stopped talking at their arrival and were now trying to conceal their curiosity ... and terror.

Rowan kept watching as Aelin slowly approached the information desk and demanded in a hushed tone to see Chaol. As she pronounced his name he saw something crumble in her expression. What she felt for Chaol was an open wound that was surely to bleed in this encounter. He was confident Chaol's words would reach deep and could harm her if he wished and he despised him for it.

He knew Aelin was capable of facing him. However, he also knew that by letting her do it, by letting her get hurt and bleed, he would break himself in the process.

"Aelin."

At the sound of his voice she slowly turned towards him and he felt his heart come to a stop in his chest. There was a sudden vacancy to her eyes that sent shivers down his spine, that made him want to shatter the whole building to the ground.

She crossed her arms over her chest and demanded. "What?"

She looked at her and managed carefully. "I can talk to him, to Chaol. You don't have to do this."

Something murderous sparkled in her eyes. "I'm not as useless nor as incompetent as you believe me to be, Rowan."

"I know, but it doesn't mean you have to face this on your own."

She growled. "What the hell does that even mean?"

Rowan sighed and stepped forward until he was standing right in front of her. He grabbed her by the shoulders and leaned until they were staring right into each other's eyes, close enough that their breaths mingled between them. "I know how much Chaol means to you. I saw it in your eyes when you talked about it and while I'm sure you can take care of him yourself ... I want to help you. I want to be there for you, to help you in any way I can. That's what friends do. Besides," Rowan smiled wickedly. "I can break Chaol's face just as good if it comes to that."

Aelin snorted and her eyes seemed sparkled to life as they focused on him. There was something warm in her expression that made his heart race in his chest. As they stared into each other's eyes Rowan seemed to noticed just how beautiful Aelin was, how authentic and brilliant. She was a star in a world of darkness.

Suddenly she felt her reach for him. He felt her hands cupping his face softly as she whispered, "I have to do this, Rowan."

Rowan's expression hardened. "Aelin -"

"No, listen to me. I want it to be me because I need to end things for once and for all. I want to retrieve the necklace, yes, but I also want to apologise and move on. I want to close this chapter of my life to be ready for the next. And that's something only _I_ can do."

Rowan met Aelin's heated and nodded once. He delicately took Aelin's hand off his cheek and squeezed it tightly in his own. "Alright. But I'll be right here next to you. I won't leave you. I will _never_ leave you."

Aelin smiled once more and suddenly everything in the world brightened. "I know. I trust you."

Something warm seemed to spread through his whole body at the words. He was so completely lost in her eyes that he didn't see Chaol until he was already here, until he saw Aelin's expression freeze and he turned his head to look at the intruder.

So this was Chaol Westfall.

..............................................................................................

##### Aelin's POV

Chaol looked exactly the same as she last remembered him. Handsome in a rough way, with his chestnut hair and golden brown eyes which now flashed with anger. The hostility and disgust on his face made her heart break into a thousand pieces. Whatever feeling he had held towards her during their relationship was gone replaced by rage and contempt. He despised her now ... and there was no coming back from it. Not knowing Chaol.

She witnessed Chaol's eyes harden as they fixed on Rowan. A feeling of uneasiness crept under her skin and she quickly cleared her throat. She managed a smile as Chaol's attention fixed on her again, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly. "It's been a while. I trust everything's been good?"

Chaol's eyes glittered with anger. "If you've come here to mock me, you can get the hell out of here. I don't have time for any prank or idiocy you're about to pull out. Some of us have jobs to maintain and the last thing we need is to lose time with people like _you_."

Aelin gulped. "Chaol -"

"What are you even doing here? Apart from showing off your new boyfriend. Congratulations, by the way. I see it didn't take you long to replace me. Perhaps we're better off this way. If I had known you'd turn out to be such a whore, I would have left long ago and saved myself a lot of time."

Aelin felt her heart breaking in her chest. She fought back the tears that began to gather at the back of her eyes and muttered, "I have a reason to be here. If you'd just let me explain -"

He ignored her as he glanced at Rowan. A dark emotion danced in his eyes as he asked. "Do you even know what you're getting yourself into? What kind of woman you're dealing with? She's nothing by a liar, trouble turned flesh. She's nothing by a who-"

Aelin didn't even see Rowan move, but within a split of a second he had Chaol by his throat. A gasping sound came out of Chaol's lips as Rowan tightened his grip on him. Aelin gasped, "Rowan!"

But Rowan didn't seem to be listening to her. He was staring at Chaol with such disgust and hatred it sent shivers down her bones. His voice was a threat itself as he whispered. "Do you know who am I, Chaol Westfall? Do you know what kind of things I can do? You probably don't because if you did you'd have never talked down to Aelin in such way out of fear I'd break your bones into dust. Now I'm going to give you another opportunity even if you don't deserve it only because I know what Aelin felt for you, but if I hear another word against her, another insinuation, you'll learn what things I'm capable of, Chaol and I'll make sure you regret it your whole life. Have I made myself clear?"

She heard Chaol gasp something that sounding like a _yes_ before Rowan released him. Chaol staggered back and collapsed to the floor, gasping for air, as Rowan sauntered back to stand by her side. As he walked their eyes locked and he arched his brow at the expression on her face.

Aelin shook her head. _You're absolutely crazy._

Rowan just shrugged in response. _What did you want me to do? He was just talking nonsense. I don't understand what you saw in him._

Aelin snorted. _I don't either, but that's not what we're talking about. You can't go around threatening people ... and especially not in a police station and not to the captain of the Police Department. You could have got arrested._

Rowan rolled his eyes. _I would love to see them try._

Aelin chuckled and Rowan's eyes glittered in response. When she had first met him he had believed him to be cold and distant, a wall of pure ice that kept everyone and everything away. Seeing him like this though, with laughter in his eyes and a smile tugging at his lips ... she felt her heart race in her chest at the beauty of him.

Aelin took a deep breath and turned away from Rowan to look at Chaol who was looking at them both with an expression she couldn't identify. Chaol got up with as much dignity as he could muster and she took the opportunity to say. "Look, I don't want any trouble. We've just come here for my necklace. You know, the Eye of Elena. Give it to us and we'll keep going."

Incredulity crossed his face. "Are you serious? You've just come here for a cheap piece of jewellery? What do you need it for anyway?"

"First, it's not cheap. And second ... that's none of your business, Chaol."

Chaol narrowed his eyes at her. "Aelin ... is there anything I should know?"

Aelin's expression was unmoving. "What do you mean?"

Chaol shook his head. He grabbed a chain around his neck and pulled it off. Aelin felt a lump in her throat as Chaol handed it back to her. She had almost forgotten the beauty of the necklace: the delicacy of a golden sphere with a sparkling sapphire at its centre.

"There you go. And now leave, both of you."

Chaol was already backing away from them. He had turned his back to them and was walking back to her desk when Aelin grabbed her by the arm. He startled, but Aelin just whispered, "I'm sorry ... for everything. I should have seen how badly you were hurting, but I was so immersed in my own misery that I forgot to think about you might be feeling. And for that, I am sorry."

Chaol stilled, but Aelin just continued. "I hope you find happiness, Chaol. I really do."

Chaol opened his mouth, but he didn't get the chance to say anything. Aelin had grabbed Rowan, both of them disappearing behind the doors.

..............................................................................................

##### Aelin's POV

Aelin's body trembled as she walked down the streets back to her Nehemia's apartment. Neither Rowan nor her had uttered a word since they had left the police station. Silence stretched between them like a heavy cloud, but none of them seemed interested in breaking it. She couldn't find the words to express what she was feeling and Rowan ... he probably sensed what she was going through. He had a way of knowing exactly how she was feeling. It was as if he could see her very essence ... and that felt oddly comforting.

Rowan understood her. She was no longer alone in her grief. She will never be alone anymore.

Both of them kept walking down the streets until they reached the apartment. Once they were inside, Aelin exhaled a breath she didn't know she had been holding and would have collapsed against the floor hadn't it been for Rowan, who caught her quickly in his arms. He carried her to the couch where he rocked her gently, whispering comforting things against her ear. She put her arms around him as she quietly cried against his shoulder, as she let go of all her misery and suffering and focused on him, on this wonderful man she had had the luck to meet, who against all the odds had given her something to fight for again.

..............................................................................................

##### Rowan's POV

Rowan held Aelin against his chest, stroking her hair gently. He held her in his arm until her tears stopped and her sobs quieted into silence. Something inside him crumbled at the sight of Aelin sobbing, as tears of grief and torment rolled down her cheeks. Aelin had become an essential part of him which meant her grief was now his own. He wished he had something to say that could make her feel better ... he wished there was something he could do, but he had enough experience to know that the wounds of the heart had no cure except time. Only time would heal that hole in her chest that Chaol had now opened to the world.

Although he could break Chaol's face for it, if not for Aelin's well-being for his own entertainment. That bastard certainly deserved it. What he had accused Aelin of doing ... just remembering it made his blood boil with anger. Someday he would make him pay for it ... and he would enjoy it.

In the warmth of his arms Aelin stirred and Rowan gently brushed her hair off her face. Aelin lifted her face to look at him and sighed in frustration. "I'm sorry. God, I'm such a mess."

Rowan shook his head quietly. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"But I have," Aelin said, wiping her tears away. She looked over at his shoulder and groaned. "I have soaked your shirt."

"I couldn't care less about my shirt at the moment."

Aelin ran a hand through her hair in exasperation. "It's just ... everything felt so much ... and I just -"

"I know. I understand."

Aelin closed her eyes and exhaled a breath. After a moment of hesitation, she detached herself from his arms and stood up. She wrapped her arms around herself and murmured, "okay, enough ... sadness for this evening. It's time to find out what we're supposed to do with this necklace."

Rowan looked at her and sighed. She needed this, more than anything. She needed a distraction to push away the ghosts that haunted her. "Alright, let's get on with it."

Aelin nodded and slowly went to grab _Pride & Prejudice_ from her bag. She left the necklace on the floor next to the novel and both of them stared at them as if they were the solution to everything, which Rowan supposed they were.

After a few moments, Aelin sighed. "Okay, what do we do now?"

Rowan stared at the necklace. He hadn't had the chance to truly look at it at the police station, but he had to admit it was beautiful. A golden sphere with a sapphire so dark it appeared to be gathering the darkness of the world. Yet, at its centre the colour seemed to lose some of its intensity and it became the colour of the sky. Rowan frowned as an idea came to him. "Can you give me the book?"

Aelin looked at him with curiosity and handed him the book. He turned the pages patiently until he found the one with Nehemia's eyes drawn on them.

_It is only with the eye that one can see rightly._

It was written below the eyes with delicacy, an artist's work indeed. And yet ... it seemed there was something lacking in the drawing. An empty space below the message ... where a hidden message might have been written.

He took the Eye of Elena and placed it in front of his right eye. Aelin gasped as she realised what he was doing and Rowan chuckled. "Your sister was smart, I grant you that."

For in front of him was another message written with the same delicacy, but hidden from the human eye.

_The truth lies in the most unexpected places. Below the shadow of the dazzling sapphire placed at the highest puncture of the dreamland ... where everything is warm and joyful ... where dragons and faeries dance at the rhythm of drums ... when the sun shines its brightest ... will you unravel the mystery._

Aelin grabbed him and asked. "What does it say?"

 _Nonsense_. It said nonsense. And yet ... he felt something blossom in his chest, something he had thought he would never feel again.

Hope.

Rowan chuckled. "See for yourself."

Aelin took the necklace furiously, looked at the message and groaned. "When did my sister became such a mystery? Seriously, it's getting annoying. What does this even mean?"

Rowan shook his head. "I have no idea, but I bet we're going to find out."

Aelin snorted. "Oh yes, we are. But that doesn't make it any less annoying."

Rowan shook his head. "You know ... I can't quite believe we're doing this. After all the time I'm invested ... I thought I would never solve this case, but here am I. Here _you_ are. I ... I don't know how to thank you."

He didn't turn around, but he could feel Aelin's stare fix on him. "You don't have to thank me and I don't have to thank you. We're both working on this, together. If there's anything, there's us."

Rowan smiled and turned to meet Aelin's heated gaze. "Nothing has ever felt more real than those words."

Aelin laughed and he wished he could have bottled up the sound for it was the song he would have wanted to spend the rest of his life listening.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! Some Feysand lovely moments to start school, college or work with a smile on your face :D

##### Feyre's POV

Feyre closed her eyes and felt the warmth of the sunlight on her eyes, felt the heat from the sun seep into her body giving warmth to that coldness that had settled deep inside of her. Ever since she broke up with Tamlin there's been a sense of emptiness, a sense of absence that had spread on her chest as if a piece of her heart had been ripped away ... a hole within her soul that was slowly healing as weeks passed by.

A month had passed since then. Since Tamlin attacked her, since their relationship went to pieces, since her world shattered around her ... and although there had been moments in which she had felt so devastated she had barely been able to breathe, she had to admit that among the pain and misery there was also a sense of rightness.

She had done what needed to be done. She had ended a relationship that would have destroyed her otherwise and now she could enjoy her freedom. She hadn't known just how much she had come to rely on Tamlin, how much of herself she had freely given to him to use and bend to his will. She couldn't believe how liberating it felt to be finally be able to do what she wanted. Now she could spend time with her family and friends. With Elain. With Nesta and Cassian. With Mor and Azriel. With Rhysand.

Feyre looked over her shoulder at Rhysand, who was now sitting on the rug next to the bed she was laying on with one of her textbooks in his hands. He looked deep in concentration with his eyes focused on the sentence he was reading.

She had no idea what she would have done without Rhysand. He had been there to hold her and murmur comforting words when Tamlin and she broke up. He had been there when she had broken down and cried after she saw Ianthe and Tamlin kissing only two weeks after they broke up. He had been there to protect her when those jerks at school started to insult her calling her whole for ditching Tamlin for someone like him.

Rhysand was the one thing in her life she could trust would never deceive her.

Feyre laughed under her breath as she heard Rhysand groaning in exasperation. She had to admit that even with his hair mussed, his eyes dulled from exhaustion and his expression set into a frown, he looked handsome.

"Is someone having trouble with a certain set of equations?"

Rhysand shook his head. "This is impossible. I'm going to fail this test."

"Let me have a look."

"No. Let's rest for a while." Rhysand closed the book and turned around to face her with a smile on his lips. He purred. "Why don't you tell me what you were thinking about, Feyre darling?"

Feyre smiled back at him. "Don't you dare, Rhys. We need to study for this."

"Why? You are going to pass and I will fail miserably. There's no point in delaying it."

"Always so dramatic."

Rhysand chuckled. He got up from the floor to sit down next to her on the bed. "But I'm serious, what were you thinking? You had that look on your face."

Feyre sighed and shook her head. "Nothing important, I promise."

Rhys looked at her for a moment before sighing. "Alright then. What else can we talk about? Because I do need a subject change."

Feyre smiled and closed her eyes. "You tell me. You are the expert."

She heard Rhysand as he laid down on the bed next to her. She felt the warmth of his body next to her, heard the slow and quiet sound of his breathing and something within her began to melt.

She couldn't quite grasp what his proximity did to her. She couldn't understand why just the slightest touch of his skin made her feel as if she were on fire or why the sound of his voice made her heart race in her chest.

He made her feel things she'd never thought she would feel again, things long forgotten in the back of her mind.

He made her feel ...

Brave, strong, capable.

Safe, protected.

Cherished.

And most importantly ... loved. He made her feel _loved_.

When she opened her eyes she found him looking right at her. There was something about the way she was looking at her, with an intensity she had glimpsed from time to time these past days, an intensity she wanted to believe she had imagined because it made her feel jittery and not like herself.

Rhysand's eyes tinkled and he opened his mouth to say something, but was suddenly interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and the back-and-forth of Nesta and Cassian, which was loud enough to be heard even from her room.

And just like that the intensity was gone from his eyes and whatever she had been feeling disappeared along with it.

Rhysand groaned. "Here they are."

Feyre sighed. "They are so happy now. They make me sick."

Rhysand laughed as he clasped his hands behind his head. "It's just weird. Seeing Nesta happy is weird. I mean, before she was all mean and aggressive and scary, but now she's bubbly and happy. Do you think that's a sign? That the world might be coming to an end?"

Feyre giggled. "Please. Have you seen Cassian? He looked so tough and confident and look at him now. Drooling over a teenage girl with anger issues."

Someone by the door cleared his throat, startling them. "Hey, we can hear you, you know."

Both Feyre and Rhysand whirled around to see Nesta and Cassian by the door. Nesta was shooting daggers at them while Cassian casually leaned on the door frame with a small smile on his face.

Rhysand grimaced. "Did you hear that?"

Nesta simply stared at him. "We did. And you should know I'm as evil and as nasty as ever. You can always push my limits if you want to find out."

"No, thanks."

Cassian chuckled from behind and Nesta turned around to face him, her slightly brow arched. "You have something to say?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing, sweetheart."

Nesta's eyes softened and something like a smile turned at the corners of her lips. "Good." Then she cleared her throat and turned back to them. "Now, you two. Are you really studying? Because it doesn't look like it."

"We are studying." With a groan, Rhysand got up from the bed and stretched. "We were just taking a break."

Cassian arched his brow. "And how long do the breaks last?"

"As long as I see fit."

Feyre rolled her eyes. "It just started, I swear. We've been studying all afternoon."

Nesta nodded. "Great, then come with us."

"Go where?"

"To Velaris, duh." Nesta stared at her. "If you have been studying all afternoon then you need a break. A _real_ break."

Feyre shook her head. "No, Nesta. You know we can't. We have the exams in a few days and-"

"And _nothing_. You're coming, whether you like it or not." Nesta crossed her arms. Her gaze was firm and hard on her as she continued. "I'm worried about you, okay? You've been stuck here at home studying all day and all night for weeks. You need to get out for more than go to school. You need to breathe fresh air from time to time."

"I'm okay, Nesta."

"No, you're not." Nesta sighed and bit her lip. "It'll be just for a few hours, okay? You can go back to hiding in your room later."

"I do not-"

"We'll go." Rhysand concluded firmly next to her. Nesta turned around to look at Rhysand, which at the moment was looking right back at her. "Just let us get ready. You go and we'll catch up with you later."

Feyre sighed. "I'm not going any-"

Nesta cut her off. "Yes, you are. And okay, we'll do that." She turned around to look in Cassian's direction. "Let's go."

Cassian smiled. "Alright." He took Nesta's hand in his and looked at both of us. "See you two later."

Feyre looked at Nesta as Cassian led her away. There was something about the way she moved now ... as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. There was a serenity in her eyes and a joy in her expression that she had never thought she would see. It explained a lot about what she was feeling and what Cassian meant to her. He had become her world ... as much as Rhysand had become hers.

Feyre sighed and looked over at Rhysand. "You're not allowed to make decisions that involve me, especially not when I have no intention of actually doing them."

Rhysand arched his brow. "It'll be just a few drinks to take our minds off things for a bit. We've been studying for hours, we need it. And besides, it'll also help to ease some of Nesta's worries."

"She has nothing to worry about."

"Hasn't she? Because you haven't been out of your house _in weeks_."

"I have _left_ my house."

"School doesn't count."

Feyre rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

Rhysand shook his head. "You are the most stubborn person I've ever met. Why won't you let us take care of you? What's wrong in that?"

"I don't need anyone taking care of me."

Rhysand's eyes hardened. "But that's the thing, Feyre, you do. And you know what? I'm not going to let you stay here to rot any more. This has to stop."

Feyre blinked in surprise. "What?"

"I'm not going to let you stay here at home hiding any longer. You are going out even if I have to drag you out myself."

"You can't make me."

Rhysand's eyes shot to her, something like anger shining like a flame in them. "Look, Feyre, I get it. I know what you're going through. _I do_. Which is why  you should start listening to me. I know what it's like to feel as if everything had been taken away from you, to feel your whole world crashing down on you leaving you breathless and all kinds of scared. I lost my parents when I was a kid, I was sent to a whole new city and guess what? I was not prepared. All I wanted to do was cry and hide in a corner, but I didn't because I had people that helped me through it. They didn't let me crawl under my bed and cry, they didn't let me destroy myself into nothing and now I'm not going to let you either."

"Rhys-"

"And I know it's not the same situation. Not at all. I lost my parents and you ... you were abused for weeks and almost raped by the person you loved the most. I know it's not the same, but ... I believe what you're feeling is just as painful as what I felt back then."

"Rhys-"

"I guess what I'm trying to say is ... I want to help you. I don't want to see you like this anymore and  I don't know what to do or say to make it alright because there is nothing, really. Because it's _your_ choice. You are the once who decides whether to get up and fight or keep dying inside. I could stay here and talk about you all day and all night to make sure you understood how amazing and wonderful you are. Because you are ... _you are_ , Feyre. And I wish you could see it. I wish you could see what everyone else is seeing because if you did then you might start to understand us. You are so fucking beautiful, Feyre ... please don't let you go to waste."

Rhysand's chest rose and fell with rapid breaths. Their eyes were locked and Feyre felt a warmth spreading through her that made her feel completely out of breath. She felt every thought, every word she had wanted to say out loud disappear from her mind, emptying it from everything but Rhysand and his words and their meaning.

Finally, Rhysand exhaled a deep breath and looked away. "So, we're going out. Alright?"

Feyre just nodded.

..............................................................................................

##### Rhysand's POV

Rhysand's expression was inscrutable as he manoeuvred down the road to Velaris. He was a genius when it came to hiding his feelings and emotions. After years and years of practicing he had managed to assure himself of it.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Feyre leaning against the seat. She was looking through the window with a distant look on her face. She looked deep in thought, probably trying to decipher what he had said before.

He had been angry and out of control because he had detested to see her that way. She looked better each day that passed, but every time he remembered what she had been through he wanted to punch Tamlin with enough force to knock him off his feet. She hadn't deserved any of it. Feyre was ... she was ... she was everything he had ever wanted and couldn't have.

He should have never said those words earlier. Not because he didn't mean it ... because _he did_. He loved her. He loved her more than he had ever loved anyone. But what she needed now was a friend, someone to rely on, someone who help her while she healed on her own.

And if that's what she needed, that's what she would get.

Even if it broke him.

Even if it cost him everything.

..............................................................................................

##### Feyre's POV

Velaris looked even more crowded than she remembered. Last time, the crowd had been considerable, but now ... the place was bursting with life. Everyone was cheering and toasting, groups of every age and genre celebrating together. Curiosity must have shown on her face because Rhysand, who was sitting right next to her, leaned over her seat and whispered. "It's Starfall."

"Star-what?"

"Starfall. It's a celebration in which we praise the migration of spirits across the sky."

Feyre frowned. " _Migration of spirits_? Is this some kind of religious thing?"

Cassian chuckled. He was sitting in front of her with his arms crossed over his chest. "He's just messing with you. Starfall is what we call the meteor shower that occurs tonight."

Nesta rolled her eyes in exasperation. "That's even more stupid."

Cassian smirked. "Have you even been in one?"

"No, and you know why I haven't? Because they are _annoying_. You are supposed to sit on your ass and wait for hours just to see the tiniest speckles of white falling off the sky. And oh let's not forget the wish part. Because, of course, a wish made to a falling star has to come true. The whole thing is just so damn stupid."

Cassian shook his head in amusement. He slowly reached over, brushing a strand of hair out of her face and then laid his arm casually around her shoulders. "You know what? We are staying tonight, we're going to watch the whole thing and you, sweetheart, are going to love it."

Nesta's lips tugged up at the corner. "You are such an ass."

Cassian chuckled and bent over to kiss a now smiling Nesta who quickly kissed him back. After a while, Cassian broke the kiss and leaned over to whisper something in Nesta's ear that made her immediately laugh.

Rhysand sighed and murmured. "What are we even doing here?"

Feyre shrugged. "You tell me. This was _your_ idea."

"This is not what I had in mind. I wanted to have a few drinks with friends, I never intended to be the third wheel of some horny teenagers."

"Then you are more stupid than I thought." Feyre laughed at the expression that crossed Rhysand's face. "Come on, Rhys. Just ... look at them. They can't help to be happy. They've just found this wonderful thing between them and now they want to get the most of it. It's not their fault, we've all been there."

Rhysand groaned. "I know, I know ... they are just so annoying."

"They are," she conceded. "But you have to shut up and let them be."

Rhysand shook his head in amusement. "Alright, I will."

"Thank you."

"But that doesn't mean we shouldn't have some fun tonight."

Feyre arched her brow. "What do you mean?"

"I mean we shouldn't stay here. Let's leave them alone, let them enjoy their night and their hormones ... while we get the most out of tonight."

Feyre narrowed her eyes. "What are you thinking?"

"It's Starfall, Feyre darling. Let me show you what it truly means."

Feyre bit her lip. "I don't know."

"Do you trust me?"

Feyre shook her head and slowly began to smile. "Against my better judgement, yeah, I do."

Rhysand smiled back. "Good. Then leave the rest to me."

..............................................................................................

##### Feyre's POV

It had taken them very little convincing. Nesta had been wary of letting her go, but she hadn't complained when Rhysand had explained what he wanted to do and where he meant to take her. She had merely told him to bring her home before dawn ... or face the consequences.

She knew Nesta would never admit it, but Feyre had no doubt in her mind that she was fond of Rhysand. It was common of Nesta to act as if everything and everyone bothered her, but that was no more than an act. Besides, she was certain that if she hadn't trusted Rhysand, she would have never allow her to go alone with him.

Feyre opened her eyes and relished in the cover of darkness, in the beauty of the night sky that surrounded them. Rhysand had taken her to a secluded place in the woods, a small clearing in the forest he had discovered a few years ago. Very few knew of its existence apparently which made it even more perfect. As she laid down on the grass, Feyre could listen to the sound of rustling leaves, the sound of animals running up and down the trees or hiding in the bushes, she could enjoy the chill of the fresh night air on her face and the brightness of the stars shining above her.

It was all kinds of incredible.

As they had wandered off to the woods, Rhysand had promised she wouldn't regret coming with him to watch the meteor shower ... and he certainly hadn't let her down.

"What are you thinking, Feyre darling?"

Without turning her head to look at him, Feyre asked. "How did you find this place?"

Rhysand closed his eyes. "Just found it one day. I don't exactly remember why I came here, but I remember that when I found it, I was instantly captivated by it. It's had been my secret place for a long time, the place I visited when I was mad or sad or just wanted to be left alone."

Feyre considered. "It sounds important to you."

"It is."

Feyre rolled her head to get a better view of him. "And now you trust it to me?"

Rhysand opened his eyes and  met her confused gaze. "I would trust you with my life, Feyre."

Feyre gulped. "You would?"

Rhysand simply nodded.

They stared at each other in the darkness.  As she gazed into the abyss that were his eyes, she felt petrified. She had known what she was feeling for a long time now. She had known and chosen to ignore it because she had never thought Rhysand would ever feel the same way. She had pushed it aside and waited for it to disappear, wished for it to disappear everyday to no avail. There was no getting rid of what she was feeling, there was no way to make what she felt towards the male before her fade into the night.

She didn't know if he felt the same way. She might never know unless she pushed him to tell her and while that scared her, while that frightened her so much it left her breathless, she had learnt that if you want something, if you truly want it, you have to fight for it.

So she said. "What is it you want, Rhys?"

Rhys' pupils dilated slightly as he understood what the question meant. He opened his mouth, then closed it and stayed quiet for so long she thought it was over, that she had been wrong, that he didn't feel anything at all.

Feyre closed her eyes, her heart pounding in her chest wildly and uncontrolled. She staggered. "I ... I'm sorry, I didn't mean - I mean, I did, but-"

"Stop talking."

She felt rather than saw Rhysand coming over to her. She felt his body settling over hers and his breath warming her lips as he leaned over her. When she opened her eyes, he was kneeling before her, both of his hands on her face moving to touch her face. She managed. "Rhys-"

"What is it that you want, Feyre?"

Feyre blinked. "Why should I answer a question you had no answer to?"

Rhysand grinned and his amethyst eyes shone in the moonlight. "Just do it."

Feyre looked deep into his eyes and for once in a long time she was not afraid. "I want you. I want you, Rhys."

Rhysand inched closer to her, their lips barely touching. "I've been waiting so long for you to say that. You have no idea, Feyre."

Feyre brought her face to his and planted a smouldering, open-mouthed kiss on his lips. Stars kept falling down the sky as Feyre and Rhysand kept kissing in the moonlight, as they finally gave into each other.

It seemed to her that Nesta was wrong.

Wishes did come true under the sky.


End file.
